Strange Things are Afoot at the Circle K.: Argh.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Argh.

So, I never wrote the other day like I promised, but that's because something happened. So now I can write about what I was going to write about, combined with the new developments.

If everything had gone as planned, I would be in California right now. That's what I was going to write about the other day, me and Melissa finally had all our plans set for me to come visit her in California. She is on vacation this week, and I was going to go to California to visit her while she was on vacation. I had my plane tickets bought and everything, I got some great deals. But then, a few days ago, she called me up in the middle of the night and said I couldn't come anymore.

She had gotten all depressed, thinking about her ex again, and said she was too depressed for me to come. But worst of all, she gave me the old "lets just stay friends" talk. I hate that thing. I've heard it so many times I know it by heart.

I guess I'm just too nice, women all want to be friends with me. Even girls I don't like have told me what a nice guy I am, and, as if that wasn't bad enough, I've even been told that "I actually forget you're a guy, I don't even think of you as a guy, you're like one of the girls to me."

That fucking hurts.

But anyway, Melissa cancelled the trip. My plane tickets are non-refundable, so she said she'll pay me back, but it will have to be in small payments over a period of time. I don't know how she'll do it though, she already owes her dad a bunch of money she borrowed from him. I actually feel bad about her having to pay me back.

Like I said, I'm too nice. I should be mad at her. I should be like "Bitch, you better pay me back!" Instead, I feel bad about her paying me back. I'm pathetic. I let people walk all over me in social situations. I inconvenience myself just so other people can get what they want. Like if I was in one of those Christmas rush things, where everyone is frantic trying to buy the season's hot toy, if I got to the toy first, and it was the last one, I'd give it to the next person so they could have it.

I'm not mad at Melissa though. Dissappointed, but not mad. I could never be mad at her.

What really gets me about the whole "lets be friends" thing, is that they always say they don't want to date because "I don't want to ruin our special friendship." What they don't seem to understand is that that pretty much ruins the friendship as well, because it's pretty much impossible to stay friends with someone you are so in love with, but they don't want you. It hurts to talk to them, or hang out with them, because the whole time all you can think about is how badly you want them and can't have them.

And I do love Melissa, I love her more than anything. Maybe it's stupid, considering that we've only met once, for a few hours once, and she had a boyfriend at the time, so nothing happened. So you might think it's stupid to be so in love with someone you've hardly even met, but I don't think it is.

Ok, I've got other stuff I could write about, but that's the most important of the stuff that's happened recently, so I will save the others for another time.