Strange Things are Afoot at the Circle K.: May 2004

Sunday, May 30, 2004

Something I just wrote.

You could tell the motel room hadn't been used in quite some time, as all the water had evaporated from the toilet bowl. That wasn't too surprising though. This place really was in the middle of nowhere. Some tired little motel off a rural highway, in the middle of the wooded hills of Virginia. "The Sleep E-Z Motel". Certainly not the name of a four-star establishment.

At least the scenery was nice. It was October, and the leaves had turned, creating an absolutely breathtaking display. It was almost a life-taking display as well, as more than once I was almost in an accident caused by paying more attention to the scenery than I was to the road. Of course, I'm sure the fact that I'd been driving for almost 48 hours also played no small part in this. That's why I decided to check into this God-forsaken motel.

And I'm sure most people will say that most of the things that happened next were just the delusions of a sleep-starved brain.

I wish I could believe that.


(to be continued, maybe, if the inspiration stays with me for more than the usual five minutes a month)

"Wine is strong, a king is stronger, women are even stronger still, but the TRUTH will conquer all."

Sunday, May 23, 2004

Andy Kaufman Returns

You all know the story don't you? Before Andy Kaufman died he said that if he was faking, he would return 20 years after his death. Some people never believed he really died anyway, as he was known for his outrageous pranks. For a while his family and friends didn't even believe he was dying. They all expected it to end up being some horrible joke. Well, 20 years later was sometime last week. The media was pretty silent about it, other than a few small stories about how some of his family and friends and supporters were having a big party, just in case he did come back, hoping maybe he'd show up. The media was still silent afterwards, leaving most people to assume he didn't come back. But he did. He's back. It's up to you whether or not to believe it's really him.

I am so fucking drunk right now I cant even see staright. Chris is voer here and we bought like 40 dolarrs worth of aclohol and we've been drinking it, we're completely out now. He was using my computer, but he got off for a second, so I decided to write this opost. As you can see, I'm really fuvkcing drunk. I can barely stay conscious long enough t o write this. We just got done watching Scary Movie 3, it was one of tje funniest movies I've ever seen. I fell down a cou-ple of times fromt a combination of being drunk, and laughing so hard. WEll, I have to go now, I can't even type I 'm so fdrunk.

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Current Mood: Full of righteous indignity.
Current Music: "If it is to be, it is up to me," by Chumbawamba.


If the people at your local fast food place are rude, it's because they have to put up with idiots like you. And idiots like this:

Yesterday I was working drive-thru, and this guy came through, and I couldn't hear what he was saying at all, because his truck was really loud, and making rattling noises, and just generally sounding like a piece of crap. After he repeated himself a couple of times, instead of turning his truck off, like most people, he says, "fine, I'll just come in," and peels out in my ear. So I'm standing there explaining to Allen, the General Manager, what happened, and I'm not being rude about it or anything, just explaining that I couldn't hear the guy and that he said he was going to come in. The guy walks in and hears me saying this, and says angrily, "I'm right here, so stop talking about me in front of me." And Allen says, "Don't talk to my employees like that, he was just telling me what happened." But before he can finish, the guy says "No! Don't you take that tone with me! You've already messed up my order once!" And by this time he's so angry he can barely even talk anymore, so he just says, "No, fuck Carl's Jr.," and walks out the door, slamming it open against the wall as he goes out. So we're just standing there, trying not to laugh, when two seconds later he slams the door back open, and comes storming in and says to Allen, "I want a phone number where I can report you at!" And Allen points to the little sign hanging on the door that he just came through, that gives the number to call, and tells the guy it's right there, and the guy yells, "NO! You give me a number! YOU GIVE ME A NUMBER! I'm not going to go out there and write it down! You give me a business card or something with a number I can call and report you assholes!" Allen gives him a split second look before he walks to the office to write the number down for the guy, and the guy flinches, like he's going to go over the counter at Allen, and yells, "DON'T YOU LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT AGAIN!" And while Allen's in the office, the guy starts muttering things, basically saying things along the lines of, "How dare they have the gall to tell ME what to do, when they're just idiots that are so stupid they have to work at a fast food place." That's something that really bothers me, this stereotype that everyone has that everyone that works at a fast food place has to work there, because they're some kind of retarded monkey that wasn't even able to make it through elementary school and nowhere else will hire them because they're such stupid losers. There's not a day that goes by that I'm not treated like I have a single-digit IQ at least five times. But I digress. Apparently, while Allen was in the office writing, he glanced up at the guy, because he almost went over the counter after him again, and then when Allen came back up there with the number, the guy grabbed it violently, yelled some more things I don't remember, and stormed out. The guy called the number minutes later, we know because we called them and checked. The number was for the main headquarters, but he also got the number to talk to Randall, the owner (actually the owner's son, but he runs the place more than his father does) of the two locations in our franchise, and has called both numbers several times in the last 24 hours. The first time he called Randall, he was so angry and rude and violent, Randall finally told him, calm down and call me back in an hour, I'm not going to even talk to you until you calm down, and hung up on the guy, which only made him madder. In the past 24 hours he has called the numbers over and over, and has been using such words as, "going postal," and "kill," and "kill Allen," and "kill" some more. We've already called the cops, but we don't know who the guy is, so there's nothing we can do until he shows up again.

And we didn't even do anything at all, just ask him to repeat his order. Just imagine how angry he'd be if we had actually been rude to him. He would've probably exploded. Oh, and right before he left, he looked at me and said "I do apologize to you, it's not your fault you couldn't hear me, those speakers are pieces of shit." I wanted to tell him, "I've understood almost every other customer I've had today, the problem isn't that the speakers are pieces of shit, it's that your truck is a piece of shit." But I didn't because he probably really would've attacked someone then.

Then today, I had another customer that was upset over nothing, though she was good natured about it, she didn't get angry or yell or anything. She came through drive-thru, and ordered two of the Six Dollar Burgers, which are actually $3.99 each, and two large fries, which are $1.69 each, before tax. Her total after tax ended up being over $12. She got around to the window, and asked me, "why is it that expensive? There must be something wrong." And I said, "well, the Six Dollar Burgers are $3.99 each, and the large fries are $1.83 each." She said, "the menu didn't say they were $1.83," and I said, "well, they're $1.83 after tax, they're $1.69 before tax." And she said that no they weren't, and just stared at me, like she was waiting for me to admit that I was lying to her. I just stared back, and after a few seconds she said, "well I'm never coming here again." Then, because she ordered so many fries, she was going to have to wait for more to cook, so I told her that it would take a couple of minutes on the fries, and to pull forward and we'd bring them out as soon as they were ready. She rolled her eyes at me, and laughed at me like I was some kind of idiot, and then pulled forward.

It's having to put up with people like this for almost 8 years that makes me hate people so much.

People complain about how rude people in retail and fast food, and actually most jobs, are today. It's not that the employees have forgotten how to treat the customer, it's that the customer has forgotten how to treat the employees. Back like in the '50s, it was easy to smile and go the extra mile to be nice to the customers, but that's because back then the customers were nice too. People in general were a lot nicer and a hell of a lot politer back then. Now, 99.9% of the people in this country are miserable bastards who would rather spit on you than talk to you. Most of them are pretty damn stupid too. Oh sure, we as a race may be a lot smarter than we were at any other point in history, we may know more "facts" today, but that doesn't mean we have any common sense.

"Sure, they may be smart, but they don't have any COMMON SENSE." -- J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, 1963

People in the world today, and especially in America, exhibit what can only be described as an alarming lack of common sense. A quick skimming of the daily news headlines will show you that. So will flipping through the current crop of lame sitcoms and so-called reality shows. And the lawsuits speak for themselves. "My kid's fat! Why didn't they tell me that feeding my children nothing but McDonalds, instead of, oh I don't know, actually COOKING FOR THEM, was bad for their health? I know, I'll sue!" "I have lung cancer from smoking FIVE PACKS a day. Oh! Oh! I know! I'll sue the tobacco companies! It must be their fault!"

And on top of it all... I hate this new Blogger program.

Oh, and the reason I haven't been posting, or even online, in several days, is because Chris is home on leave now. He has to report down at his new base, which, luckily, is relatively close, in Fort Worth, TX, in a few weeks. So far we haven't really done much, just sat around and played Halo. Speaking of which, I bought one of the cool t-shirts from Red vs. Blue, and it already came in yesterday, only three or four days after I ordered it. Just in time to play Halo with Chris and Daniel. I got the Donut shirt.


"I may be lying in the gutter, but I'm staring up at the stars." -- Oscar Wilde

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Disco Squirrels sing "Disco Sauna"

This is one of the scariest things I've ever seen. I'm going to have nightmares.

:: Donald Rumsfeld Must Resign ::

Sign the petition and show that you think Donald Rumsfeld must resign immediately. So far over 275,000 people have.

Friday, May 07, 2004

The inscription on John F. Kennedy's gravesite in the Arlington National Cemetary. It is also the text of his famous Inaugural Address of January 20, 1961:

Let the word go forth
From this time and place
To friend and foe alike
That the torch has been passed
To a new generation of Americans.

Let every nation know
Whether it wishes us well or ill
That we shall pay any price - bear any burden
Meet any hardship - support any friend
Oppose any foe to assure the survival
And the success of liberty

Now the trumpet summons us again
Not as a call to bear arms
- though embattled we are
But a call to bear the burden of a long twilight struggle
A struggle against the common enemies of man Tyranny - Poverty - Disease - and War itself

In the long history of the world
Only a few generations have been granted
The role of defending freedom
In the hour of maximum danger
I do not shrink from this responsibility
I welcome it

The Energy - the Faith - the Devotion
Which we bring to this endeavor
Will light our country
And all who serve it
And the glow from that fire
Can truly light the world

And so my fellow Americans
Ask not what your country can do for you
Ask what you can do for your country
My fellow citizens of the world - ask not
What America can do for you - but what together
We can do for the freedom of man

With a good conscience our only sure reward
With history the final judge of our deeds
Let us go forth to lead the land we love - asking His blessing
And his help - but knowing that here on earth
God's work must truly be our own.


Simply beautiful.

This is the weirdest horoscope I've ever gotten. It's got me all nervous now.

Sagittarius
Do you believe in ghosts? Some strange phone calls, e-mails, or other communications may come your way today, dear Sagittarius. An e-mail may come from someone who thinks you're someone else. Phone calls may involve hang-ups, wrong numbers, or phantom rings. If a knock comes at the door, it's more likely to be the house settling than a ghost, but nonetheless this can all be rather unsettling. Don't bother thinking about it. Stay grounded!

Thursday, May 06, 2004

Holy fucking shit. Conspiracy theorists... start your engines!

Tape of 9/11 Controllers Was Destroyed

WASHINGTON - Air traffic controllers who handled two of the hijacked flights on Sept. 11, 2001, recorded their experiences shortly after the planes crashed into the World Trade Center but a supervisor destroyed the tape, government investigators said Thursday.

A report by Transportation Department Inspector General Kenneth Mead said the manager for the New York-area air traffic control center asked the controllers to make the recordings a few hours after the crashes in belief they would be important for law enforcement.

Investigators never heard it. Sometime between December 2001 and February 2002, an unidentified Federal Aviation Administration quality assurance manager crushed the cassette case in his hand, cut the tape into small pieces and threw them away in multiple trash cans, the report said.

"We were told that nobody ever listened to, transcribed or duplicated the tape," Mead said in the report sent to Sen. John McCain. The Arizona Republican asked the inspector general to look into how well the agency was cooperating with the independent panel investigating the attacks.

Click to read more...
Tape of 9/11 Controllers Was Destroyed - EarthLink - U.S. News

Hooray! I am currently connected to the internet using Earthlink, instead of AOL. I still haven't deleted my AOL quite yet though.

So... the "Friends" finale is tonight, and I can only say... THANK GOD! I hate friends. I hate pretty much all sitcoms. I didn't used to, I used to watch them all the time when I was a kid, but now I hate them, they are just so stupid. And pretty much indicative of all that is wrong with America. But especially Friends. People take it too seriously. Like Daniel, he's obsessed with the show. He thinks it's the greatest show ever made and that ever will be made. All you have to do is say "'Friends' sucks!" and he all but flies into a blind rage. He, and a lot of other people, are the same way about Kurt Cobain also. I say, Kurt Cobain was overrated. I liked the album "Nevermind," but to me, all the rest of Nirvana's albums sucked. "In Utero" had a couple of decent songs.

The idiot kids knocked at my door earlier. This time they were actually knocking, rather than accidentally crashing their bikes into it. I don't know what it is about my door that acts as a magnet for kids on bikes. They can't go past it without accidentally crashing into it. Anyway, the kids knocked on my door, but I didn't answer it. I knew what they most likely wanted. They put and orange juice stand up a few hours ago (yes, orange juice, not lemonade. Or it looks like orange juice anyway.) and they probably wanted me to buy some. Like I'd consume anything they'd been near. Who knows what they could've done to it, intentional or otherwise. Even if they didn't intentionally put something in it, they could have used dirty glasses, or their dog could have drank out of it, or anything really. They're kids, they don't know what they're doing. They look like they're maybe ten years old.

Just what you haven't been asking for! I'm bringing back my "signatures" or whatever you want to call them. Those of you who've been reading a while may remember that some time ago, for a while, I begun ending most posts with strange little quotes and stuff like that. Well, I'm going to start doing it again. So far it's just the same quotes from last time, mostly coming from The Principia Discordia and various Robert Anton Wilson books, but I will be adding more to my collection. Most of them are pretty surreal and/or esoteric.


"I tell you: One must still have chaos in one to give birth to a dancing star!" -- Nietzsche

That was kinda scary. I was just sitting here setting up my new Earthlink account (I'm finally getting rid of AOL tonight, if it will let me. It's under my mom's name, so they might not let me do it) when there's a knock at my door. I didn't hear it at first, because I'm here in the bedroom, and my music was up a little loud. Finally I was like, "is someone knocking?" I turned the music down and then I heard it, so I went to the door, and it's Alicia, and Kim. They're hanging out today apparently, and Alicia was over here with Kim (she lives in these apartments too), and they decided to come over, so Kim could see my apartment. So they just come in and prowl around my apartment for a few minutes. Kim said my apartment was much nicer than hers. She said she's jealous and is going to kill me and take my apartment. They were here maybe five minutes, and then left. It was very strange. I wish they would have stayed, since I'm bored.

Oh shit, I forgot I had some water on the stove. I'm boiling water to make Ramen. Mmmm... Ramen. And that wasn't sarcasm, I really love Ramen.

LA LA LA LA LA LA LA! I'M BORED! Don't you hate it when you have plenty of stuff to do, but still feel bored and restless for some reason? I have plenty of things I'd like to do tonight, but at the same time I don't really want to do them anymore. Basically I just feel restless, and don't want to just sit here all night, or at least not alone. I wish someone would come over. Daniel and Olivia are on vacation, so I can't see if they want to come over and play Halo, and Alicia's not online. If she was I'd see if she wanted to come over and watch a movie or something.

Gas prices went up another 6 cents overnight. Now it's $1.90 for the kind I use, and the kind my mom uses has hit $2.00. And they say on the news to expect it to go up every 2 or 3 days now. I heard it could be around $2.50 by Summer. I hope not.

Yay! Let's elect Bush for another term! He hasn't completely destroyed the country yet.

when jingles attack!

when jingles attack!

I laughed very loudly at this. From Craigslist.

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

I was supposed to have been off today, but I volunteered to go in, only because I already had 90 minutes of overtime, and anything I worked today would also be overtime. I was originally about halfway joking when I volunteered, since I was on overtime I didn't figure Allen would actually let me, they usually do anything they can to keep people from getting overtime. They were really shorthanded today, and Allen was trying to find people to come in and work today, and I said "I'll come in, for 8 hours of overtime." And he said "You want to come in? I'll be more than happy to let you if you want to, you can work say 10:00am to 2:00pm, or 10:00 to 4:00." I thought for a moment, and said that, yeah, I'd come in for the ten to two shift, and that I would do the ten to four, but I had some stuff I needed to do. So I went in today at ten. I ended up getting sent home about 1:15 though, because it ended up being really slow today, and they didn't need all the extra people after all. I still got about 4 hours and 45 minutes of overtime in all this week though. I get 30 to 90 minutes of overtime every week anymore.

One of the things I needed to get dome today was getting a haircut, and I ended up not even being able to get one, because the place I normally go to was full up. They were shorthanded today too, and the person they did have was full with appointments, so I'm going to try again tomorrow probably. The other thing I needed to do I just remembered about. I forgot to do it today. Luckily it isn't something I have to get done, just something I need to do sometime. I need to go to the postoffice and buy some stamps. I have envelopes, but no stamps.

So, as I mentioned, they finally got my AC back in. But now I don't think it's even working as good as it was before they took it out. The first couple of days I had it I had to let it run 24 hours a day. But now that it's got it cooled off in here, it's keeping it pretty cool, and I was able to turn it off for the few hours I was at work, and then even when I've had it on, I only have it on medium instead of high. Even if it is working fine, I need to have them look at a couple of things on it. For one, they didn't get the vents connected to it very well, and half the cold air just goes into the closet, instead of the vents. Also, it makes a weird squeal now the entire time it's on. Not too loud, but loud enough you can hear it if there's no TV or music or anything on. Especially when you're trying to go to sleep at night in the same room it's in.

I'm off again tomorrow, which is cool. I basically had a day and a half off since I worked such a short shift today. Other than maybe getting a haircut, I probably won't get out of the house much tomorrow. I'll probably just do some work around the house, getting more stuff out of boxes and stuff, though there's only a couple of things left I can unpack until I get some more bookshelves. I finally got the place vacuumed a few minutes ago, and got my dresser back where I originally had it, before they moved it to get my AC out, and almost ruined it.

Man, gas prices sure have gotten high here. Oklahoma usually has one of the lowest prices on gas in the country, but it's still almost up to $2.00 a gallon here. It went up 14 cents in just a few days. Just a week or so ago it was $1.65 a gallon for regular unleaded, which is still a record high for here, but then it went up 7 cents overnight. Then maybe 5 days later, it went up another 7 cents, so it's now $1.79 for regular unleaded, $1.84 for the grade I have to use in my car, and $1.94 for the grade my mom's fancy car is supposed to have. And it's just supposed to keep going up.

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

No longer do you have to be staying in a fancy hotel to get a wake up call. Now you can get one anytime, anywhere. As long as there's a phone, that is.

WakeUpLand.com: The Best Wake Up Call Service In The US & Canada

Monday, May 03, 2004

So as I said yesterday, I'm getting rid of AOL. It's something I've thought about for years, but never had the heart to do. I know AOL sucks, and lots of people make fun of anyone who uses it, but I used it anyway, even though it was always fucking up, mostly because when it did work, it was really easy to use, and had lots of features, and the AOL chatrooms are a lot easier to use than internet chatrooms. Also, it's the only program I've ever used, and I've been using the same screen name with it for all these years, even though it was a stupid screenname. My AOL screenname is KUnderw674, it's a AOL suggested one made from my real name. It sucks, and every time I'd go into a chatroom people would always ask one of two questions. "Do you go to Kansas University?" Because of the KU in the name. The other question was "Why the hell is your screenname about underwear? What kind of weirdo are you?" They usually didn't even ask if it was about underwear, they just automatically assumed it was. In spite of all this I've been using the same screen name for as long as I've had the internet. Which is over ten years. I've been using AOL for over ten years. Back when I first signed up it was only either Version 2.0 or 2.5, and you only got I think it was 5 or 6 hours of connection time a month, instead of unlimited time, and the average modem speed was between 2400 and 9000 instead of 56000 or higher, meaning it took those five hours to check your email a couple of times. Suddenly I feel old.

Hallelujah, they got my AC installed today. I'm happy now. It's a good thing they did, because it's supposed to be warm this week, even though today it's kinda cool, the high today was only around 75.

I'm tired. I don't have to go to work until 8:00 tomorrow, instead of 7:00. An extra hour of sleep. Hooray.

Satan Disappointed in Neocon Spawn

Sunday, May 02, 2004

I just added a couple of new blogs to my Blogroll, check them out, they are both very good.

Bitter-Girl is a funny, cool blog written by a friend of Rebecca.

Life at TJ's Place is a blog written by the manager of a strip club. "TJ's is a gentlemen's club in the Midwestern United States. I'm Kevin, the assistant manager. This is for all of you who think managing a strip joint would be the world's greatest job."

Secret Ratings of Airline Passengers and also ACLU No-Fly List Lawsuit

What's YOUR security rating? It could change every time you fly, and the goverment won't reveal how you rate.

Government officials say that the security rating will be based on credit information and secret law enforcement intelligence databases. Indications are that these shadowy collections of information could include personal data extracted from commercial and government sources. Could they include mistaken information? Sure. Who hasn't found errors in their credit reports and other commercial databases?

If you are given a yellow or red rating by mistake, it will be extremely difficult to clear your name.

I'm a little on the bored side. I'm off today, so I've just been sitting around the apartment all day. I woke up after sleeping a couple of hours later than I had planned on, and then cleaned the apartment. I didn't vacuum, even though it has needed it for almost two weeks, because hopefully they will come and put my AC back in tomorrow, and if they do they will just mess it all up again. The reason it has needed vacuuming is because of the mess they made when they took the AC out, after I had just vacuumed the night before. So maybe I SHOULD vacuum today, maybe if I do they definitely will come put it in tomorrow so that they can mess it all up again. They better get it back in tomorrow, it's going to be in the 90s a few days this week.

OH! I FORGOT TO BRUSH MY TEETH THIS YEAR!

I used to love that show, Cow and Chicken, the Red Guy said that in one of the episodes. He was the greatest, he was my idol.

So then after I cleaned, I just sat around listening to music for an hour or so, then I did a chapter of my business course, then I got online for a couple of hours. Then I went over to my parent's house to pick up my laundry, and now here I am. I've got a frozen pizza in the oven. My oven cooks really slowly, it says to cook the pizza for 12 to 15 minutes, but it will take more like at least 30 minutes. Last time I cooked it for 30 minutes and it was still almost completely uncooked. This time though I turned the oven up to 450 instead of 425, and made sure the oven was good and warmed up before I put it in, so hopefully it won't take too long, because I'm hungry.

I spent most of the morning looking for alternatives to America Online. My mom has always paid for my AOL, but now I'm going to have to start paying for it myself, and AOL is too expensive, so I'm going to get some other ISP. Juno or NetZero (they're both owned by the same company and are identical) are the cheapest, at only $9.95 a month, but they don't look that good, and I can't find out from the site if they are unlimited access or not. I'm probably going to go with Earthlink. They seem really cool, they are owned or run by or affiliated or something with Google, and has a lot of cool features. They're $21.95 a month, but that's still cheaper than AOL, and they have a deal now where you get your first six months for half-price. I've already got a new e-mail address I set up about a week or so ago, that I've been using instead of my AOL address. My new address is now SubSpecies23@gmail.com. So anyone who cares should make sure to take note of that. I've also got to go to all the websites I have memberships and stuff to and change my settings to my new address.

My new address is through GMail, which is Google's new E-Mail service, and it rocks. I've been meaning to talk about it for a week now but never felt like it. It's not open to the general public yet, but members of certain websites, such as Blogger, are being offered the chance to sign up for it, to test it and stuff before it becomes available to everyone. It has lots of cool features, the most important being that you are given 1 gigabyte of free storage space for your email, so that, unless you want to, you never have to delete an email. It saves every email, including the ones you send, and archives them, so that even years later you can always find your old emails, you can even use Google search technology to search within your mailbox to find the exact e-mail you want, or to find all emails dealing with a certain subject, and things like that. Also, when you read an email, it displays all related emails. It displays the original email, the response to that email, and the response to that response and so on, so you can see the entire conversation as it happened. You can find out more about the service here.

That's one of the links I've been meaning to post for the last week, here are the rest:

The Potter Puppet Pals A couple of hilarious flash animations of Harry Potter puppet shows. Dumbledore is old and senile, and likes to get naked. And Ron and Harry like to bother Snape. Something that would never happen in the books. "I like the part when he stops moving."

Animutations The web site of Niel Cicierega, (I think I spelled that right) who makes the greatest, and weirdest, flash animations in the world. He also makes those Potter Puppet Pals cartoons, but these are something completely different.

A Woman/Man's Perfect Day A very funny article, though I don't agree with the man's perfect day at all. Mainly because I hate sports. I especially don't agree with the part about Bush being good and Kerry being bad. Also, not to spoil the jokes or anything, but most men would not be able to have that much sex. After the fourth blowjob or so, they'd say that's enough. Even if they didn't, they certainly still wouldn't have the stamina for a threesome that night. Most men anyway, there may be a few exceptions. So don't go sending me e-mails, I don't want to know about how manly you are in bed.

R. Lee Ermey.com The home page of R. Lee Ermey, the coolest guy in the universe. If you don't know who he is, you suck. He's the drill sergeant from Full Metal Jacket, and the host of The History Channel's show, Mail Call. He's also been in a few other movies, and done voices in a few cartoons, usually as a crazy guy or drill sergeant.