Strange Things are Afoot at the Circle K.: March 2004

Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Personal Ad Requires No Reading Between the Lines, Rather Skipping Lines.

Read this personal ad all the way through, and then follow the directions to find out what it really says.

Very funny.

Secrets of the Magic 8-Ball Revealed

Are you being watched? Take this simple and informative quiz to find out.

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Study: Circumcision Protects Against AIDS

LONDON - A new study found that uncircumcised men were nearly seven times more likely to get the AIDS virus, giving further support to findings that circumcision .

Monday, March 29, 2004

Urban Legends Reference Pages: Automobiles (Pink Lady)

Is it true that an artist secretly painted a 60-foot-high image of a naked pink lady above a tunnel in Malibu Canyon in 1966?

George Carlin on religion

Warthog Launch

Yahoo! News - Cambodian cuts off penis to feed spirits

PHNOM PENH (Reuters) - A Cambodian man cut off his penis when he said he was visited by four hungry spirits in a dream and he had no chicken or duck to offer them.

Sunday, March 28, 2004

Citizen Kubrick

"Stanley Kubrick's films were landmark events - majestic, memorable and richly researched. But, as the years went by, the time between films grew longer and longer, and less and less was seen of the director. What on earth was he doing? Two years after his death, Jon Ronson was invited to the Kubrick estate and let loose among the fabled archive. He was looking for a solution to the mystery - this is what he found."

Saturday, March 27, 2004

Here's a Flash for all you fans of "Office Space."

Easy Steps to Excommunication

Some cool Google tricks:

* Google is an atlas. Type in an area code, like 212, to see a Mapquest map of the area.

* Google is Wal-Mart's computer. Type in a UPC bar code number, such as "036000250015," to see the description of the product you've just "scanned in." (Thanks to the Google Blog, http://google.blogspace.com, for this tip and the next couple.)

* Google is an aviation buff. Type in a flight number like "United 22" for a link to a map of that flight's progress in the air. Or type in the tail number you see on an airplane for the full registration form for that plane.

* Google is the Department of Motor Vehicles. Type in a VIN (vehicle identification number, which is etched onto a plate, usually on the door frame, of every car), like "JH4NA1157MT001832," to find out the car's year, make, and model.

Friday, March 26, 2004

F u t u r e M e . o r g

Send your future self an email. FutureMe lets you address an email to yourself and set a date in the future to have it sent.

This story really excites me. It's so cool! We're one step closer to weapons like those seen in sci-fi movies.
James Bond would be impressed.

"A hand gun that speaks several languages, broadcasts the conversation to the police, fires lethal and non-lethal bullets and is activated only by the grip of the registered owner.

The Guinness Book of Records has declared the gun, officially known as a Variable lethality enforcement (Vle) weapon, the world's most intelligent firearm."

Yahoo! News - Japanese firm unveils large robot for disaster rescue work

"TOKYO (AFP) - A Japanese company unveiled a 3.5-metre (11.55-foot) tall robot that can forage its way through a heap of debris as a trailblazer for rescue workers following a disaster such as an earthquake."

TheSanDiegoChannel.com - News - Man Sees Face Of Jesus In Pecan Tree

Thursday, March 25, 2004

Since I'm working day shift now, I'm making a lot more money than I was on nights. I've actually gotten about an hour of overtime the last couple of weeks. So the paycheck I got today was just a few cents under $400, compared to the $250 or so I was making on nights the last few months. That's still not much money though, considering that that is for two weeks of work.

So anyway, now that I'm making more money, I should be able to afford to move out. I went and looked at several apartments today, but the place I was thinking of moving into last year is still the best one for me. It's pretty good, and really cheap. A one bedroom apartment is $320 a month, and that includes water and free Direct TV satellite TV. I'd really like a two bedroom apartment, but that is $370 a month, and I probably couldn't afford that until I get a better job.

I like all the extra money, and I like working mornings better than nights now, but I'm really tired lately. I've actually been having to take a nap once or twice a week, I never used to take naps. I've hardly taken a nap in my life, usually only when I'm extremely sick. Which reminds me, I went to the doctor the other day, since I've been sick for like the last two months or more. Every other doctor in the area says it's just "The Oklahoma Crud" that's going around, and there's nothing that can be done about it, but the doctor I go to says "we've had a lot of luck treating it with antibiotics and steriods," so he gave me some cough medicine and some other kind of pill. I'm not sure exactly what it was, but it must be some kind of steroid or something, because it's making me have to piss constantly, which my parents say they will sometimes do. The last time the doctor gave my dad a steroid pill it almsot killed him. He almost pissed himself to death. He lost like 30 pounds over a couple of weeks. I wish I could lose 30 pounds in about two weeks.

I am so tired. I was off today, so I got a few extra hours of sleep, but I'm still really sleepy. I'm going to have to go to bed early.

I'm trying to get back on my diet now too. I've gained back about half the weight I had lost.

Me and Alicia are going to start going to the movies again, we were maybe going to go tonight, but didn't. She wants to wait a few more days, and see if anything new comes out over the weekend. I can't think of anything that comes out this weekend though.

Well, I'm really tired, so I'm going to go read and then go to bed.

Free beer at Hooters

"Are there four more beautiful words in the English language? I ask you."

Brains4Zombies.com -- Your online home for Brains and Brain-Related Products

BBC NEWS | Entertainment | Film | Python film to challenge Passion

Monty Python's film The Life of Brian is to return to US cinemas next month following the success of The Passion of the Christ.

The Biblical satire will be re-released in Los Angeles, New York and other US cities to mark its 25th anniversary.

Adverts will challenge Mel Gibson's blockbuster with the lines "Mel or Monty?", "The Passion or the Python?"

CNN.com - Oregon county bans all marriage - Mar 23, 2004

PORTLAND, Oregon (Reuters) -- In a new twist in the battle over same-sex marriage roiling the United States, a county in Oregon has banned all marriages -- gay and heterosexual -- until the state decides who can and who cannot wed.

Global Dimming

Each year less light reaches the surface of the Earth. No one is sure what's causing 'global dimming' - or what it means for the future. In fact most scientists have never heard of it. By David Adam

Salon.com Technology | Thou shalt not make scientific progress

Georgia House Bans Genital Piercings

Cancel the 2005 Academy Award, the contest is over.

Monday, March 22, 2004

Current Music: "Roll On" by The Living End.
Current Mood: Bored, as usual. Also really horny.


I'm bored. I considered going to a strip club tonight, but I probably won't. Though I would really like to see some breasts. I'm horny enough without being teased by half-naked women gyrating in my face though. I dreamt about sex all night last night, and woke up super horny. I'm just glad I didn't have to work this morning.

Yes, I realize how pathetic I am, and I'm more or less fine with it. I realized this years ago, long before anonymous graced my message boards. For those of you who may have missed it, here it is again:

dude, first of all, you're ridiculous. i accidently stumbled upon your site browsing around and unfourtunately your site caught my eye. i started reading the bullshit you wrote and laughed my ass off. dude, you can't drink at all. you were plastered after 2 screwdrivers!!!! you should be ashamed of yourself. what's up with this halo group shit? you work at 7-11, wait no, you got fired from 7-11. who the hell gets fired at 7-11. you live with your mom, and your TV is a piece of shit. i'm surprised you even went to the strip club. while reading it i thought you were helluv a square with all the halo, 7-11, living w/ mom, oh yeah, and all the comics. dude it's cool if you enjoy all this stuff but you shouldn't brag about it. i wouldn't want people to know how much of a wuss i am at drinking, or that still live with my mom. dude, my advice to you... get a girlfriend


First off, I'm glad my site made you laugh, whether it was with me or at me. Second, I know I'm a wuss when it comes to drinking, but I don't see why this is such a bad thing. I'm glad I get drunk easily. When I drink, I drink to get drunk, but alcohol is nasty in all its forms, so the less of it I have to drink, the better. Also, alcohol is really expensive, so the less of it I have to drink, the better. Third, Halo rocks, and I'm not the only one who thinks so. Almost everyone I know plays the game, even several girls. Most guys my age play video games, you're the weird one because you don't. Also, lots of guys my age like comic books, that would be the reason they are currently making so many movies based on comic books, including the one I was talking about reading in the post you ridiculed. Yes, I got fired from 7-11, but it wasn't even my fault, the manager lady screwed me over and then got me fired. It's a long story I don't feel like getting into right now. And yes, I know how pathetic it is that I still live with my parents, and I do hate telling people that I do, but I have no other choice, my job sucks, and for certain reasons I have not been able to figure out, but which I don't think are my fault, I am unable to get a new job, and until the time I do, I have to live with my parents. I did move out for a while, but was then forced against my will to come back. Actually, I am currently thinking about looking at apartments again, because since I switched to the day shift at work, I think I may be making enough money now to maybe survive on my own.

"my advice to you... get a girlfriend" I would if I could, but living with my parents puts a real damper on my girl getting abilities. Actually, my girl getting abilities are so non-existent I don't get far enough for most girls to find out I still live with my parents. The only girls I even see are the ones I work with. This issue, unlike most of the others, is pretty much totally my fault. Me and my faulty brain, which the medication is helping, but I'm still a shy person. My other major problem in the girl area is that I'm a nice guy. Too nice of a guy for my own good. Most people think I'm gay. The one girl I have gone out on real dates with eventually "dumped" me, I think mainly because I was too nice of a guy, and too shy. It took two dates before I'd even hold her hand. I took everything too slow for her, she wanted a wild, bad boy. When we had sex she told me to be rougher. Even when we had sex, I was too nice and tender for her.

If only girls would give me a chance, most of them would be really glad they did. Just ask Melissa, she's known me for seven years, and she says that whatever girl I end up with will be extremely lucky, and that a girl would have to be crazy to turn me down. I'm a nice guy, and when you get to know me, I'm a pretty sensitive guy, I'm the kind of guy that you can talk to. I'm not all about the sex, though I do like sex, and even though that girl I was going out with said she likes it rougher, she did also say that I'm really good at it.

All this reminds me of a post I saw on Bellow the other day:

Unicorn is my booty call from California who comes to NYC several times a year to visit friends. He is called Unicorn because, prior to meeting him, I believed such men were mythical. Here is a short list of the mythical qualities he actually exhibits:

1) Unicorn is handsome.

2) Well-educated.

3) Thoughtful. Leaves the occasional adorable phone message. Sends the occasional adorable email.

4) U is the friend of a friend from college. This means that I can make out with him without having to worry that he's a psycho killer who is in fact just posing as a great guy so that he can get close to me, kill me and then use my hair to make a himself a sweater. Which I guess is faulty logic (except the part about the hair-sweater, that makes perfect sense.) Obviously, he very well could be a psycho killer and still be friends with my friend from college.

But then that would mean that he's an Excellently Secret Psycho Killer who is so efficient that none of his friends even suspect his psychotic murderous tendencies.

Meaning that he is very good at what he does.

Which I find sexy.

So we're fine.

5) Unicorn is emotionally and physically giving. He is familiar with the terms "snuggle" and "cuddle." And he knows when to do them.

6) U has a way of making me feel rather special. Like I am more than just a transcontinental booty call. Case in point: he says things like, "If I lived here, I would date the hell out of you." I like the sound of that.

7) U is charming. Exhibit A: He visited for the first time the day after Valentine's Day last year when I was still dating M. He said the following in regard to the fact that M and I were not together the night after Valentine's Day, "If I was dating you, I'm pretty sure I'd want the whole weekend." See what I mean? Unicorn.


For the most part, I'm a unicorn. I would be a unicorn, except I'm not extremely handsome. I'm not ugly, but you probably wouldn't look twice if you saw me in a crowd. Which is kind of a good thing. You don't have to worry about other women trying to steal me.

I LOVE to snuggle and cuddle. I love physical contact, even though most people who know me wouldn't think so. I never touch anyone, I haven't really touched anyone in about two years. I'm just shy like that, but as the girl I was dating could tell you, once I'm going out with you, I want to be in contact with you at all times. Holding hands, arm around the shoulders, hugging and cuddling. My idea of a perfect evening is cuddled up on the sofa in each other's arms watching a movie. I also love to kiss, and not just wet, open-mouthed tonsil hockey. I like sweet kisses. A tender kiss on the cheek or forehead. Or the neck. I like necks.

I'm a romantic.

I'm the kind of guy that can be your best friend, as well as your lover. Which once again is my main problem. I don't even want to think about how many times I've been told things like, "We're too good of friends to date. I don't want to risk ruining our friendship." Even worse, I've been told on several occasions, "I sometimes forget you're a guy, I just think of you as one of the girls."

That hurts. Seriously. The worst pain I've ever felt in my life was one of the times I was told that.

I'm a pathetic unicorn. Too nice for my own good.


Revised Current Mood: Depressed.

THE CULT OF DIET COKE.

Sunday, March 21, 2004

A stoner walks into an appliance store and asks the owner, "How much for that TV set in the window?" The owner looks at the TV set, then looks at the stoner, and says, "I don't sell stuff to potheads." So the stoner tells the owner that he'll quit toking and will come back the next week to buy the TV.
A week later, the stoner comes back and says, "I quit smoking pot. Now, how much for that TV set in the window?"
And the owner says, "I told you I don't sell to potheads!"
The stoner looks back at the owner and says, "How can you tell I'm a pothead?"
The owner looks back and says, "Because that's a microwave."


The List of 250 Natural Highs

Graham Barker's Bogus Names Funny fake names, such as, "Dwayne de Tubb, Colin Oscopy and Benny Fishery.

The Ultimate List of Stupid Names

Beautiful Stuff: Ridiculously Large List of Silly Names

Saturday, March 20, 2004

Pythonesque Manila diner serves Spam, Spam, Spam

MANILA (Reuters) - Spamburgers, Spam nuggets, Spam Spaghetti, Caesar salad with Spam, Spam and eggs: the menu at the Spamjam restaurant in Manila could be straight out of the Monty Python sketch.

Disturbing.

Ananova - Virgin Atlantic clubhouse urinals are the shape of a woman's open mouth

TRAPPED BY UNDEAD, NEED HELP

TRAPPED BY UNDEAD, NEED HELP

The blog of a group of people who are under siege by an army of zombies.

"This is not a joke. We are alone and constantly battling for our lives."

Yes... This is Photoshop at work... A gallery of cool photoshopped images. I really like the pandas that look like Kiss.

Friday, March 19, 2004

BBC NEWS | UFO streaks through Martian sky

Thursday, March 18, 2004

I just got done reading the comics I bought today, and I am now a Hellboy fan. That comic was fantastic. I'm going back my next day off and buying the next book in the series.

But now I'm going to watch School of Rock.

I got so fucking drunk last night. Not because it was St. Patrick's Day, I don't care about that, but because it was Daniel's birthday, and he had a "party." It wasn't much different than our usual Halo nights, except that there was more alcohol. I was the only one drinking most of the night though, everyone else was too engrossed in the video game, and then had to go home early. I was off today, so I was able to stay up late and get really drunk. It was the usual crew, me, Daniel, his wife Olivia, Phillip and Crystal, who left their baby with its grandpa for a few hours, Shawn, and his girlfriend Megan, who doesn't usually come, and Robert. There were supposed to be some of Daniel's other friends that I don't know that well coming over around midnight, but I think only one of them showed, unless they showed up and left during the two or three hours I was asleep.

I got there about 5:00 and I was the first one there, so me and Daniel just played cooperative mode for a while, on the "Legendary" difficulty setting. It was hard. Then everyone else showed up, so we did our usual versus play for a few hours. During the first hour or two I was there I had a couple of beers. I'm a lightweight with alcohol, so this was enough to give me the beginnings of a small buzz, but I stopped drinking for a couple of hours and it went away. I stopped playing sometime around 8:30, because I was playing really bad for some reason. So I just sat there watching everyone else, and drinking a couple of rum and Dr. Peppers, which is really nasty, but they didn't have any Coke. Everyone else had to work in the morning, so they all left about 10:00. Wow, some party. So all that was left was just me, Daniel, and Olivia. Olivia decided to go take a nap so she could stay up and drink when everyone else got there. So me and Daniel just sat there talking and drinking for awhile. Since the rum and Dr. Pepper was so gross, at this point I switched to vodka and orange juice, which gets me drunk really quickly. By the time I finished two of them, I was so drunk I could hardly sit up anymore. I guess Olivia couldn't sleep, because she got back up at this point, and we decided to watch Red vs. Blue. After watching it for about half an hour, I started dozing off, because I was so drunk. Finally I went to sleep sometime around midnight. I woke up when they got done watching the DVD, but I went back to sleep. I woke up about 3:00am and Jared, I think his name is, had shown up. He, Daniel and Olivia were really drunk, but I was still tired, and had sobered up, so I just decided to go home. That's the first time I've been really drunk in a long time. A year to be exact. Daniel's last birthday party was the last time I got really drunk. No, wait, I just remembered. I got really drunk a about a month after that, when I lost my job at 7-11 and decided to go down to Dallas for the weekend, check into a cheap motel, and get really drunk, and do some Hunter S. Thompson-like writing. I've been meaning to post that story, but never have gotten it edited. I have 8 typewritten pages about that trip, but I had been planning on turning them into some kind of actual story or something, but it appears that's never going to happen. Anyway, 10 or 11 months ago was the last time I got really drunk, all I've done since then is drank a few beers and gotten a buzz. And even that hasn't happened very often.

That trip to Dallas was a very interesting story, and I really should post about it sometime. One of the most notable things about it, is that while there I went to a strip club for the first time, and then went back again the next night, and then my car almost broke down on the way back to the motel at two in the morning while I was about half drunk and probably 10 miles from the motel, and not knowing where the nearest mechanic was, and even if I did it wouldn't be open at 2:00am. Good times.

I think my TV is possessed. Earlier I was just sitting here at the computer, while the TV was on behind me. Suddenly, the volume on my TV starts going up, until it's all the way up, even though no one was anywhere near the remote. The volume bar was coming up on screen and everything. I turned the volume back down, and then left my room to go tell my mom about it, and while I was out there, the volume started going back up again. I tried to turn it back down, but it wouldn't this time, it still just kept trying to go up, even though it was already up. I couldn't get the remote to do anything at all. Finally I went over to the TV and hit the power button. As soon as it went off, it instantly came back on, still at full volume. I turned it off probably ten times, but it would just come back on as fast as I could turn it off, so I finally had to unplug it. About five minutes later, I plugged it back in, and it didn't come back on, so I turned it on, and turned the volume down, and it's been fine since. I hope it's not about to break or something.

I had to go get some new headphones for my iPod today, because while I was passed out at Daniel's, one of his dogs chewed up the right earpiece of my headphones. I didn't notice it until about halfway home. I'm just glad the dog only chewed up the headphones, and not the iPod itself. These new headphones I bought suck though. They were $20 and supposed to be really good. They have some kind of rubber tunnel on them that's supposed to create "virtual surround sound," but instead it just sounds like ass. It sounds like listening to music in a barrel or something, it sounds like the bass has been turned up, and the treble turned way down or something.

Also while I was out, I picked up a copy of School of Rock one of the many movies I want right now. Then I went by the comic book store to get some Hellboy comics. I've never read the comics, but the movie looks really cool, so I decided to see what the comics are like. I also got a six issue compilation book of PvP, which is my favorite comic strip, online or otherwise.

So, as you can see, I've got a lot of stuff to do tonight, I'm gonna go start on it now.

The scariest thing I've ever read. Even scarier because it's true.

The Constitution Restoration Act

"If enacted, the Constitution Restoration Act will effectively transform the United States into a theocracy, where the arbitrary dictates of a "higher power" can override law.

"For even now, the ignorant barbarians in Washington are pushing a law through Congress that would "acknowledge God as the sovereign source of law, liberty [and] government" in the United States. What's more, it would forbid all legal challenges to government officials who use the power of the state to enforce their own view of "God's sovereign authority." Any judge who dared even hear such a challenge could be removed from office.

"The "Constitution Restoration Act of 2004" is no joke; it was introduced last month by some of the Bush Regime's most powerful Congressional sycophants. If enacted, it will effectively transform the American republic into a theocracy, where the arbitrary dictates of a "higher power" -- as interpreted by a judge, policeman, bureaucrat or president -- can override the rule of law.

"The Act -- drafted by a minion of television evangelist Pat Robertson -- is the fruit of decades of work by a group of extremists known broadly as "Dominionists." Their openly expressed aim is to establish "biblical rule" over every aspect of society -- placing "the state, the school, the arts and sciences, law, economics, and every other sphere under Christ the King." Or as Attorney General John Ashcroft -- the nation's chief law enforcement officer -- has often proclaimed: "America has no king but Jesus!"

"According to Dominionist literature, "biblical rule" means execution -- preferably by stoning -- of homosexuals and other "revelers in licentiousness"; massive tax cuts for the rich (because "wealth is a mark of God's favor"); the elimination of government programs to alleviate poverty and sickness (because these depend on "confiscation of wealth"); and enslavement for debtors. No legal challenges to "God's order" will be allowed. And because this order is divinely ordained, the "elect" can use any means necessary to establish it, including deception, subversion, even violence. As Robertson himself adjures the faithful: "Zealous men force their way in.""...

Read more

The Bushes' new world disorder

"'IT MUST BE considered that there is nothing more difficult to carry out, nor more doubtful of success, nor more dangerous to handle, than to initiate a new order of things.' This warning is from Niccolo Machiavelli, yet it has never had sharper resonance."

"More than a decade ago, after Saddam Hussein's invasion of Kuwait, President George H. W. Bush explicitly sought to initiate, as he put it to Congress, a "new world order." He made that momentous declaration on Sept. 11, 1990. Eleven years later, the suddenly mystical date of 9/11 motivated his son to finish what the father began. A year ago this week, Bush the younger launched a war against the man who tried to kill his dad, initiating the opposite of order."

What's Taters?

I thought this was really annoying, but some of you will probably enjoy it. The potato rap, or, fun with audio from The Lord of the Rings.

Religion Creator Sort of like a religious Mad-Lib. Create your own cult!

ColorText - The Brain Teaser

Fuck! This is a lot harder to do than it sounds.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Piano Man
Billy Joel

It's nine o'clock on a Saturday
the regular crowd shuffles in
There's an old man sitting next to me
Makin' love to his tonic and gin
He say, Son can you play me a memory
I'm not really sure how it goes
But it's sad and it's sweet and I knew it complete
When I wore a younger man's clothes
Da da da de de da
da da de de da da da
Sing us a song, you're the piano man
sing us a song tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feelin' alright
Now John at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free
And he's quick with a joke or to light up your smoke
But there's someplace that he'd rather be
He says Bill, I believe this is killing me
As the smile ran away from his face
Well I'm sure that I could be a movie star
If I could get out of this place
Sing us a song, you're the piano man
sing us a song tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feelin' alright
Now Paul is a real estate novelist
Who never had time for a wife
And he's talking with Davy who's still in the navy
And probably will be for life
And the waitress is practicing politics
As the businessmen slowly get stoned
Yes, they're sharing a drink they call loneliness
But it's better than drinking alone
It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday,
And the manager gives me a smile
'Cause he knows that it's me they've been coming to see
To forget about life for awhile.
And the piano sounds like a carnival
And the microphone smells like a beer
And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar
And say "Man, what are you doin' here?"
Da da da de de da
da da de de da da da
Sing us a song, you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight.
Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feelin' alright.

Avalanche Company: The 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the U.S. Army

This is seriously the funniest thing I've ever read. I about died laughing reading it, I was laughing so much my sister finally started yelling at me from across the house to shut up. The list is so long, I'm only going to put part of it here, so I strongly suggest you click the link and go read the rest of it.


The 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the U.S. Army
SGT Shawn Stanford
Once upon a time, there was a SPC Schwarz stationed with the Army in the Balkans. SPC Schwarz was either very clever or very bored; but probably both, since he managed to attempt or be warned about 213 things he wasn't allowed to do. He collected those things into a hillarious list and posted them to the web. The site hadn't been updated in a couple of years and has since gone away; but the list is classic, so I saved it. A couple favorites: 2. My proper military title is 'Specialist Schwarz' not 'Princess Anastasia'. and 191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.

1. Not allowed to watch Southpark when I'm supposed to be working.

2. My proper military title is 'Specialist Schwarz' not 'Princess Anastasia'.

3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.

4. Not allowed to challenge anyone's disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.

5. Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.

6. Not allowed to play 'Pulp Fiction' with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.

7. Not allowed to add 'In accordance with the prophesy' to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.

8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don't like to War Criminal posters.

9. Not allowed to title any product 'Get Over it'.

10. Not allowed to purchase anyone's soul on Government time.

11. Not allowed to join the communist party.

12. Not allowed to join any militia.

13. Not allowed to form any militia.

14. Not allowed out of my office when the president visited Sarajevo.

15. Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to 'Sic Brass!'

16. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my 'Sampson like powers'.

17. God may not contradict any of my orders.

18. May no longer perform my now (in)famous 'Barbie Girl Dance' while on duty.

19. May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I'm right.

20. Must not taunt the French any more.

21. Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.

22. Must never call an SAS a 'Wanker'.

23. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they've been smoking crack.

24. Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if it's true.

25. Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one.

26. Never tell a German soldier that 'We kicked your ass in World War 2!'

27. Don't tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne).

28. Don't take the batteries out of the other soldiers alarm clocks (Even if they do hit snooze about forty times).

29. The Irish MPs are not after 'Me frosted lucky charms'.

30. Not allowed to wake an Non-Commissioned Officer by repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash.

31. Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.

32. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.

How to Clean Anything.

Quiz - This quiz is really cool! It's extremely short, but provides great results! Wow.

Sunday, March 14, 2004

An Analysis of the Batman Theme Song

Why I like WIL WHEATON dot NET:

This morning over breakfast, I said to my wife, "Happy π day!"

"Happy pie day? What the hell are you talking about?"

"No, not 'pie'," I said. "'π'."

"Not 'pie,' but 'pie.'" She was clearly not amused. "Isn't it a little early to be drinking?"

"Anne, look at the date on the calendar."

"Yes it's march 14th, and you're going to watch WrestleMania dos equis* with your brother." She frowned. "Are you trying to tell me that you're taking a pie to Jeremy's house? Because if you expect me to make you a pie . . ."

"No, I don't expect you to make me a pie." I said, well into that area where you've explained the joke so much, it's never going to be funny.

"Today is March fourteenth. That makes it 3.14 on the calendar. 3.14 is also known as π."

She blinked a few times.

"Oh. It's π day."

"Yes!" I said. "And at 1:59 pm, it will be even more π day. Isn't that cool!?"

She took a long, thoughtful drink from her coffee mug, carefully set it down and said, "You are such a nerd."

So, another day off, and another day of doing fuck-all. As usual, I've been sitting at this computer most of the day, and then me and my sister just played through the first two stages of Halo on the Heroic difficulty level, and we were kicking ass too. I'm getting a lot better. The other night we were all playing at Daniel's again, and I actually came in first place two or three times. I even beat Shawn and Phillip, who are both masters of the game. I was just lucky those times though I guess, because the other times I still sucked, but not as much as usual.

I'm getting so sick of working 7:00 to 4:00. I've been so tired the last few days. Yesterday after work I did something I almost never do. I took a nap. It took me a long time to fall asleep though, but once I did I slept about an hour and a half. It was really busy yesterday too. Breakfast was even busier than it was Friday, and Friday was an extremely busy breakfast. I mentioned how it was so busy we made over $1100 on breakfast alone, well Saturday we made over $1300 for breakfast. Luckily the rest of the day was kinda slow.

I changed my links around. I got rid of those collapsible boxes, even though I really liked them. I replaced it with the Blogrolling utility, which takes up more space, but is much easier to use. With Blogrolling you don't have to mess around with the html code of your site to add, delete, or edit links. It also makes it really easy to add new sites to your list. If you are looking at a site, and want to add it to the links list on your site, you can do so with the push of a button.

Yay, I'm a commercial. Too bad I'm not getting any money for it. Too bad I'm not getting any sex. I sure would like some of that.

I'm tired, and it's only 7:30. I'm getting really bored now too. There's nothing on to watch. I need to get some new dvds. I'm bored of all the ones I have. There's a lot of recently released dvds I want too. Dickie Roberts, School of Rock and two or three others I can't think of right now. And then next month Kill Bill comes out. I've been wondering when it was gonna be out on dvd, I finally found out the other day. I don't remember the exact day, but it was mid-April, the 14th maybe.

Fuck, I'm bored.

You've probably seen this joke before, I've seen it many times on the internet, and I may have even posted it once before, but I don't think I did. But I love this joke, so here it is anyway:

On a chain of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the
following people are stranded:

- Two Italian men and one Italian woman

- Two French men and one French woman

- Two German men and one German woman

- Two Greek men and one Greek woman

- Two English men and one English woman

- Two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman

- Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman

- Two Chinese men and one Chinese woman

- Two Irish men and one Irish woman

- Two American men and one American woman


One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle
of nowhere, the following things have occurred:

* One Italian man killed the other Italian man for
the Italian woman.

* The two French men and the French woman are
living happily together in a ménage a trois.

* The two German men have a strict weekly schedule
of alternating visits with the German woman.

* The two Greek men are sleeping with each other
and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

* The two English men are waiting for someone to
introduce them to the English woman.

* The two Bulgarian men took one look at the
Bulgarian woman and started swimming to another island.

* The two Japanese have faxed Tokyo and are
awaiting instructions.

* The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy/liquor
store/restaurant/laundry, and have gotten the woman
pregnant in order to supply employees for their store.

* The two Irish men divided the island into North
and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the
picture because it gets somewhat foggy after a few liters of coconut
whiskey. However, they're satisfied because the English aren't having any
fun.

* The two American men are contemplating suicide, because the American
woman will not shut up and complains relentlessly about her body, the true
nature of feminism, what the sun is doing to her skin, how she can do anything
they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores,
how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected
her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with
her mother is the root cause of all her problems, and why didn't they bring a
damn cell phone so they could call 911 and get them all rescued off this God-
forsaken deserted island in the middle of freaking nowhere so she can get her
nails done and go shopping.

We locked you up in jail for 25 years and you were innocent all along? That’ll be £80,000 please.

"WHAT do you give someone who’s been proved innocent after spending the best part of their life behind bars, wrongfully convicted of a crime they didn’t commit?

"An apology, maybe? Counselling? Champagne? Compensation? Well, if you’re David Blunkett, the Labour Home Secretary, the choice is simple: you give them a big, fat bill for the cost of board and lodgings for the time they spent freeloading at Her Majesty’s Pleasure in British prisons."

Really Really Really Real Reality TV, By Tré Taylor

"What if Reality TV were based on REAL reality?"

One of my favorites: PMS Island - Put a two guys on an island with twenty women and hide a bottle of Midol. See how long they can survive until they find it.

The Debbies From Creepy Susie and 13 Other Tragic Tales for Troubled Children by Angus Oblong.

-:* Sedlec Ossuary Gallery - Page 1 *:-

The Ossuary in Sedlec. I've always loved this place. If you've never heard of it, you're really missing out. It's a cathedral made of human bones. Check out the pictures, ultra-cool.

Biblical One-liners

Saturday, March 13, 2004

Very Funny.

Orgasmica on line

You've always wondered how the other sex experiences an orgasm... Do you want to see the difference? Then try this Orgasmic Simulation.

Lite-Brite!

PNG hunts giant mystery creature. 12/03/2004. ABC News Online

Authorities in Papua New Guinea ordered police to search part of a remote island after locals told of seeing a giant dinosaur-like creature roaming the area, local media reported on Friday.

The Cheeky Squirrel Network: Squirrel Name Generator

My Squirrel name is "Fluffy Honeynuts."

That sounds really gross.

Milkmen: Fathers Who Breastfeed.

Sick, sad, and tragic.

Nine People Found Dead in California Home
A 57-Year-Old Man Surrenders to Police
By BRIAN SKOLOFF, AP

FRESNO, Calif. (March 13) - Police discovered nine bodies intertwined in a pile of clothes at a Fresno home and 10 coffins stacked along a wall, and were trying to determine if some ritual was involved in the slaughter.

A 57-year-old man surrendered to police after walking out of the house covered in what appeared to be blood.

The victims were seven children ranging in age from 1 to 8, a 20-year-old woman and a 17-year-old girl. All were thought to be the children of Marcus Wesson, whom police handcuffed following a brief standoff.

Authorities said Saturday that Wesson had been arrested on suspicion of killing the victims, but wouldn't comment until an afternoon news conference on what charges prosecutors might file.

The grim scene caused even veteran officers to weep.

Police Chief Jerry Dyer wiped tears from his eyes as officers carried the bodies from the home, cradling the youngest ones in their arms.

''I've been with the Fresno Police Department for 25 years, and I've never experienced anything of this nature,'' he said.

Dyer said the victims probably were Wesson's children. ''There may have been some type of ritual involved,'' he said.

Officers were originally called to the scene Friday afternoon for a child custody dispute.

Ten coffins lined a wall inside the home's front room. The bodies were so entangled in a pile of clothing that it took hours for investigators to reach a final count, police said.

The police chief declined to say how the victims died, but the scene was so gruesome some of the first officers into the house were placed on administrative leave and were being counseled Friday night.

Six police chaplains were at the house throughout the evening as detectives continued to gather evidence.

Officers were called to the home Friday afternoon by two women who said a man had their children and would not release them.

The man initially ignored orders to come out, running into a back bedroom as two other women fled the house. They were unharmed.

Police believe the suspect fathered the victims with the four women. They did not identify the women or the victims.

A neighbor, Chris Tognazzini, said he heard two gunshots moments before police arrived.

Dyer said the women who called authorities told them they had given custody of their children to Wesson two years ago and now wanted them back.

The slayings shocked authorities in Fresno, a city of 440,000 about 190 miles southeast of San Francisco. Dyer said the city had seen three murders in the last 2 1/2 months, the fewest number for a 10-week period in more than three decades.

The nine deaths represent the largest mass killing in this San Joaquin Valley city since 1993, when seven people were killed in rural Fresno.

''The only thing we can do now is mourn. We mourn for the kids, we mourn for the police,'' said Mayor Alan Autry. ''We will never be the same again.''

Wesson had a strong influence on his sons, said Florian Tan, who in 2001 took over the martial arts school where three of the sons attended classes.

Each boy had to earn a black belt in aikido in order to leave home when he reached manhood, Tan said.

''They said they had to go through his program,'' which included martial arts training, Tan said. He added that two of the sons, now in their twenties, earned black belts and a teenage boy is still enrolled at the school.

Neighbors who milled around outside said they knew little about Wesson or the house where a large yellow bus was parked in the driveway.

''He never said 'Hi,''' said Linda Morales. ''I'd drive by and he'd make a point to turn his face.''

Another neighbor, Johnny Rios, said that on many nights he heard loud banging coming from the house, as though the people inside were building something.

''There was something up over there,'' Rios said.

Talk Sick: The Passion of Stern

Friday, March 12, 2004

Current Mood: Tired, but happy and relaxed.
Current Music: See below.


I planned on writing this post a few hours ago, but then I found this site, INFINITE WHEEL, and I've spent the last several hours playing with it. I know I've said this before, and I know I'll say it again, but this is one of the coolest sites ever. It's got several different "Dub Selectors." Little Flash powered programs that have several different musical background loops, and various other things the click or play with that make other sounds to accompany the music. Just go check it out yourself. This is the best one: INTO TWILIGHT. I've got one of the loops from it playing right now, my favorite combination is the third or fourth flower, they're both good, combined with the third bouncy thing, and a little tune I developed on the stars. This site really relaxed me too, it's great. I haven't felt this good in a long time. I really needed it too, it was a really hard day, which is what I was going to write about.

Work today started off bad. The last few days they've been putting in a new computer system and stuff at work, but it's taking them a while, and they keep leaving us in the middle of it for a day or two. So today we had no back line screens. Normally, A person takes the order, then the cooks make it, and then a third person sacks the order, or puts it on a tray. Today we had registers, but none of the other screens, so when we rang up an order, the cooks and the sacker didn't know what the order was, so we had to tell them. It was really annoying. And to top it all off, this was one of the busiest days in years. We made over $1100 dollars on breakfast alone. Normally if it gets up to $900 or so that's a pretty busy breakfast. Breakfast was so busy we actually ran out of biscuits about ten minutes before breakfast was supposed to be over, so we had to start serving lunch a few minutes early. We ran out so quickly, we couldn't even make the orders of a couple of people that had already ordered. We had to apologize and give them their money back. After breakfast we didn't expect we'd be very busy, because school was out today for some teacher's meeting thing, and then they start spring break Monday. So we didn't figure out lunch would be that busy, because we wouldn't have the high school lunch rush like usual. We were wrong. About 12:15 it got very busy, and didn't stop until almost 3:30, which is really weird, because most days it gets really slow and we hardly have any orders between 1:30 and 3:00. It was so busy no one could get their work done. I had to clean the bathrooms today, which is usually done around 12:30 but today it was almost 2:00 before I got the chance to clean them. They finally got our screens fixed about 2:00, but the new system sucks, it's almost as bad as not having the screens at all. And also, most of our customers seemed to be even stupider than usual today.

So that's why I'm tired and why I needed to relax. OK, I'm gonna watch a movie or something and go to bed.

Wired News: Bush Site Unplugs Poster Tool

The Bush-Cheney presidential campaign disabled features of a tool on its website Thursday that pranksters were using to mock the Republican presidential ticket.

The tool originally let users generate a full-size campaign poster in PDF format, customized with a short slogan of their choice. But Bush critics began using the site to place their own snarky political messages above a Bush-Cheney '04 logo and a disclaimer stating that the poster was paid for by Bush-Cheney '04, Inc...

...At Cox's request, close to 200 Wonkette readers sent in slogans which they had slipped through the system. Among them: "Run for your lives," "They sure smell like old people," and the Orwellian, "A boot stomping on a human face forever."

Cox also published lists of words the tool was allowing and, perhaps more tellingly, those it was not. Not surprisingly, it rejected the usual four-letter words and sexual lingo, but it also banned more innocuous terms like "stupid," "evil," "terrorists" and "Iraq." ...

...It accepts a lot. Including "racist" and "homophobe." Go figure. A partial list of words it won't accept:
Dumb
Stupid
Queer
Faggot
Fascism
Evil
Lying
Scum
Terrorists
Sodomy
Rape
Pillage
Fart
Fistfucking
Blowing
Pedophile
Iraq

Thursday, March 11, 2004

The Sifl & Olly Cyberspace Station

I had completely forgotten about this show, even after seeing the website, I only vaguely remember it. It was some really funny and vulgar puppet show that used to be on MTV, I think. I came across this site while reading an article about Liam Lynch, the guy who sings that "United States of Whatever" song. Turns out, he created this show. Here's another article about it, it tells the whole story behind Liam Lynch and the show: http://www.apple.com/hotnews/articles/2001/05/liamlynch

Current Mood: Still sick; bored.
Current Music: Pink Floyd's "The Wall."


I don't know anything about Hellboy, I've never read the comics or anything, but I really want to see the movie that's coming out. It's looks really cool. The visual style of the movie reminds me of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, which was a really good movie. This Hellboy looks just as good. Hellboy himself looks really cool too.

I was off work today, and this day has sucked. I haven't really done anything today, I haven't even been at the computer much. I completed another chapter of the small business course I am taking, then me and my sister Marci played Halo for a while, and that's it really. I watched my Red vs. Blue DVD for the fourth time since I got it. It never gets old. A bunch of us played Halo over at Daniel's house last night, and everyone but one person had seen the DVD, because one of them also bought it last week, and everyone else borrowed it from him, so we kept quoting lines from it while we were playing, and then laughing like idiots. For example, Phillip kept saying "Fuckberries!" when he'd die. And someone else said "Simmons... get the warthog." a couple of times. And we all kept saying "chupa-thingy" and then everyone would laugh. There were also lots of jokes about pink armor. I did better than usual last night. I actually came in first place a couple of times.

I couldn't beleive it, I didn't turn on the computer the whole day yesterday. I never had the chance. First I had to go to be at work at 7:00am, which is an hour earlier than usual. Then, as soon as I got home, I changed clothes and stuff, and loaded up my X-Box and a TV, and went over to Daniel's, and then came home at around 11:30. I hated having to work 7 to 4 the last two work days. What's even worse, is that now that's my normal shift, I work 7 to 4 four of the five days I work this week. Which is cool in a way, because it will be more money. Also, if they don't send me home early any of those days, I will get a few hours of overtime. I haven't gotten overtime in five or six years. Mornings have gotten really busy the last few weeks, so they are increasing several shifts. The 8 to 4 is now 7 to 4, and the 6 to 1 is now 6 to 2 most days.

Oh man, this is a really old episode of the Simpsons that is on right now. The art style is kinda weird looking, and their motions are a lot more "cartoony" looking than they are now. Also, Smithers appears to be a black man with blue-grey hair. Oh, cool, Spongebob is on. That's much better than the Simpsons, I only watch them when there's absolutely nothing else on. Not that they're not funny or anything, I just never really got into that show.

I really get tired of italicizing things. I guess I could just put them in quotes, but italics is better.

Man I'm bored.

Popular Science | BMW's Easter Egg

"There's a cheat code in the software running the BMW M3's sequential manual gearbox (SMG): Press the right buttons in the right order and the car will launch you from a stop after revving the engine to 5,000 rpm. But don't look for a how-to in the owners' manual—this feature is undocumented, an inside joke of sorts."

Earth Erotica - Photography by Heather Firth

Explore the sensual contours of Earth's Body.

Hilarious.

BBC NEWS | Science/Nature | Scientists make a butterfly glow

US scientists have created the first glowing butterfly, by inserting two genes into its DNA that give jellyfish fluorescent properties.

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

Angry Rant Time: In the form of a conversation I just had with Melissa.

subspecies23: god dammit, I am getting so sick of this low carb craze
missy_custer: lol
subspecies23: now coke and pepsi are introducing low carb sodas
missy_custer: oh man
missy_custer: that's pathetic
subspecies23: and all the fast food places are getting all this low carb stuff
subspecies23: we're getting this new product at Carl's that if I see anyone actually order, I will slap them. It's like an instant heart attack in a bowl. I can't beleive anyone would actually eat it
subspecies23: first, for me to describe it to you, you have to know what a loaded omlette, one of our other products is...
subspecies23: the loaded omlette is an omlette biscuit, it a folded egg with two types of cheese, and crumbled sausage, bacon and ham folded in it, and then another peice of cheese is put on top of that, and then it's put on a buttered biscuit. The employees call it a heart attack biscuit
missy_custer: lol lol heart attack biscuit?
subspecies23: but this new product we're getting is called a breakfast bowl. It's got two scrambled eggs, with two strips of bacon put on top of them, sme crumbled cheese, and then, a loaded omlette without the biscuit is put on top of that, then more crumbled bacon, and more shredded cheese
subspecies23: and we're selling it as HEALTH FOOD, because it's low carb!
missy_custer: roflmfao
subspecies23: and people will buy it, and claim that they're eating healthy
missy_custer: ugh, bacon and ham...are just NOT good for a person
subspecies23: and then, if they don't have an instant heart attack, I will kill them MYSELF!

I had planned on writing a long post today, but I feel like crap today, so I don't know how it will turn out.

I ordered some stuff a while back, and so I was awaiting the arrival of three shipments, and all three of them arrived yesterday. I was expecting one of them any day now, but I wasn't expecting the other two for another week or so. The first item is an "Anybody but Bush in '04" bumper sticker from BloodForOil.org. The next thing is this poster: Stairway to Heaven, from AllPosters.com.

But the coolest thing was that my Red vs. Blue DVD came in! And it's funny as hell. I love this series. Even if I wasn't obsessed with Halo, I'd still love it. Here's a conversation that takes place in one episode, which reminds me of some of the conversations me and Alicia have been having lately:

"What's a freelancer?"
"Freelancers are independent, they're not Red or Blue. They're just guns for hire, who will fight for whoever has the most money."
"Like a mercenary!"
"Right! Or like your mom when the rent's due."
"Oh! That's funny!"
"Yeah? You didn't think that was too obvious?"
"No, no, not at all, that was good."

So anyway, my allergies have been bad the last few days again. And I feel really bad today. My eyes have been burning all day, so I can't stare at this screen all day like usual. Also, I'm really tired, and can't really concentrate on anything.

It looks like I may have to edit my Other Blogs links list again soon. Several of the sites on there haven't been posted to in weeks. "Ugly Fat Kid" hasn't posted in a couple of weeks, which sucks, because it was a very funny site. And it's been almost a month since "The Phone Girl's Diary" was posted to.

Ok, I'm gonna have to go now. Maybe I'll feel like writing more later.

The Lord of the Rings, in Lego.

Ten common writing mistakes that writers usually don't notice.

How to hack a Super Mario Bros cart to erase everything but the clouds

Very Interesting...

Monday, March 08, 2004

I take back all the nice things I said about Straight Plan for the Gay Man. I previously said I liked this show, but now I hate it. Mainly just because one of the first things they do is get rid of the gay people's books. They say that straight guys don't read books. The only things straight guys read are things like Playboy, and Sports Illustrated. They're like "Whoa, is that a real book he's reading? I'm not sure, I've never actually seen a book before."

But... wait... what's this? I do believe it's something called... VINDICATION! My friends always used to make fun of me for wearing sweat pants, but here they are buying the guy lots of sweat pants, saying that they're the ultimate in guy clothing, they can be worn anywhere, at anytime. "They're pajamas you can wear out. Once you put on your sweatpants, you're done. You're done for that day, that night, the next day, and the next night."

Of course, my friends had a point too, besides the one on top of their heads. Sweat pants were all I ever wore. Every day, 24/7 for a year or two. And on me, the sweatpants made me look bad, because it sort of emphasized that I was a fat-ass.

New - Virtual Keyboard

"The Virtual Laser Keyboard leverages the power of laser and infrared technology and projects a full-size keyboard onto any flat surface. As you type on the laser projection; it analyzes what you're typing by the coordinates of that location."

This makes the geek in me drool uncontrollably. I want this. Too bad it's NOT COMPATIBLE WITH MY FUCKING MAC! Shut up. I said SHUT UP.

And it's only $99! I was expecting a price tag of several hundred.

I just learned a great new way to say that you vomited. "Shouting soup." I've never heard that one before.

Sunday, March 07, 2004

The Binary Circumstance: Martha Stewart Verdict

I just think about how O.J. Simpson is running around free, how much real harm was caused by the Enron and Worldcom executives who destroyed people's pensions and their savings and became billionaires in the process. I think about what Congress has done to the Social Security system and that none of them are in jail. I think about how George Bush has killed thousands of Iraqi civilians, crippled children and how he's siphoned billions of dollars out of taxpayer's pockets and put it into the pocket of his friends. George Bush has not been charged with any crimes, he's running for president and will probably win.

Martha Stewart sold some stock when the government didn't like it. She probably lied to the government. She did not steal other people's money or kill anybody. The government's actions have cost the taxpayers millions and have cost investors in Stewart's company billions. Many more people have been injured by the government's actions than by Martha Stewart's actions.

Martha Stewart is going to jail when so many real criminals are still free.

War On Drugs Clock

The cost of the War on Drugs. The U.S. Federal Government spent $19.179 billion dollars in 2003 on the War on Drugs, at a rate of about $600 per second.

I just got back home, after deciding to leave the house for a while and go shopping. Mainly to see if I could find a store somewhere that had that new freq.beats CD I keep seeing advertised on TV. After going to a couple of places, I finally found it. Several of the songs they play in the commercial aren't even on it though, I don't think. Though off the top of my head I can't tell you which ones. All I know is that on the commercial, half the songs they play or mention are songs that I know and love, but on the actual CD, there's only 3 tracks out of 22 that I've heard of. For example, they play some Fatboy Slim song that I like, but it's not even on this CD, the only Fatboy Slim song on the CD is one I've never even heard of. And I thought I'd heard pretty much everything by Fatboy Slim, he's one of my favorite artists.

At Hastings, where I finally found the CD. They had a new energy drink called Pimpjuice. That sounds stupid, dirty, and completely unappetizing.

I saw Titan AE for the first time last night. Alica wanted to borrow my copy of Fight Club because she still never had seen it, and so she loaned me Titan AE in return, because she had been talking about it a few nights ago, and I mentioned I'd never seen it. I still didn't really want to see it, it just didn't look that good to me, but I watched it anyway. It was ok. It wasn't great, but it was pretty good. Not as good as Fight Club, but then, nothing is.

Hello Kitty Has No Mouth

CNN.com - RNC tells TV stations not to run anti-Bush ads - Mar 6, 2004

GOP committee says MoveOn.org's spots are illegally financed. Fucking lying republicans. I know MoveOn.org. They are mostly funded by small donations from normal citizens. I myself donated to them once.

Belgium's Sorry claim to fame

The first week of Marc Dutroux's complex trial ended on Friday. This trial is about a man charged with child abduction, rape and murder, a man who is deep in the centre of an "extremely wide ring of paedophiles", although this is proving hard to be brought to light, and is due to go until June.

The names of two of Dutroux's victims that come straight to mind are Julie and Melissa followed closely by An and Eefje. All four girls were raped, Julie and Melissa were starved to death and An and Eefje were drugged and buried alive.

BlogPulse [BETA]: Automated Trend Discovery for Weblogs

Looks at thousands of webpages, to see what the most used words and subjects were for that day.

Infiltration

Infiltration offers a mix of the practice and theory of urban exploration in areas not designed for public usage. This site is the online companion of the paper zine about going places you're not supposed to go.

You know what I really hate? People who write their blogs like they talk in Instant Messages, and use internet shorthand like lol, and, OMG. I'm sure you've probably seen many blogs like that before. I know I have. They usually seem to be written by teenage girls too.

OMG, I wuz at school today, and Mike totally looked at me!!!1!1! i thgout I wuz gonna wet myself! LOL OMG! BTW i'm and idiot!

Blogs like that make me want to kill everyone. You may have noticed I never use things like lol in my posts, even though I really want to sometimes. I'm really bad about using lol in my IMs, sometimes it bugs me how much I use it. I put lol after almost every sentence. I've also noticed that I use "like" a lot, which is a common problem with lots of people these days. I try to catch and edit myself, to lower the amount of times I use it, but sometimes I still overuse it. It also bugs me how much I use the words "or something," or, "or something like that." I also overuse the word "cool." Everytime I post something I'm just like (ugh), "This is really cool!" I need find other ways to say that something is cool. Lately I've started using the phrase "this kicks ass," occasionally, but that's stupid.

Bah, enough complaining.

I like Leslie Nielsen movies. Some people I know hate them, but I like them. I just saw about the last 45 minutes of one, I didn't know what it was called until the ending theme song, which was sung by Weird Al Yankovic, and was pretty funny. Turns out it was called Spy Hard. It was pretty funny. At one point, Leslie Nielsen, or, Dick Steele, as his character was called, said this:

"Some people say walking down the street muttering to yourself is crazy. I'll tell you what's crazy, walking down the street with half a cantaloupe on your head saying, 'I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster.' That's crazy."

I hate cantaloupe, but I do walk around talking to myself, and I often say "I'm a hamster." I must be crazy. But I already new that.

Damn, I just missed one of the Back to the Future movies. I think it was the second one. I love those movies. Oh shit, now Full House is coming on this channel. Where's the remote? Cool, Dogma is coming on Comedy Central. The censored version sucks though, and I've seen the movie at least ten times anyway. Ok, enough about what's on the TV.

I just got a really weird spam porn email, which I often read just for laughs. Or sometimes to visit the site, so what. I like porn. Anyway, this email was apparently sent by a dwarf.

From: "Foreshadows Q. Malthus"
To: Kunderw
Subject: RE:messasge from candyland lets meet tonight salsa
Date: Sun, 07 Mar 2004 00:01:01 -0800

My name is Candy and just got my first webcam...woohoo.yyaa
Im looking to meet some new people and have some fun, will
you come playwith me?
If you must know, I'm 4" 10' slim figure and have a great set ofknoockers,
wanna see me today

Candy


Weird.

Well, that's it for now. I'm off today, so I'll probably make several more posts. Not like I have anything else to do today.

Saturday, March 06, 2004

The Morning News - The Passion of the Christ: Blooper Reel

THIS is TRUE for 29 February 2004 Copyright www.thisistrue.com
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EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY: After an accident, Sharon Anderson, 28, of
Dale, S.C., told sheriff's deputies that she hit a large animal,
theorizing it must have been a rhinoceros. Clearly not -- the rhino
isn't exactly indigenous to South Carolina. A deputy found the 400-500
pound animal dead from its injuries: a hippopotamus, which had wandered
away from a private preserve. But even with the police report to back
her up, people don't believe she hit a hippo, Anderson says. "They say
stop lying, there's no hippos around here." (Bluffton Carolina Morning
News)

Friday, March 05, 2004

That new Spongebob special wasn't that good. It was ok, but it wasn't as funny as most episodes.

Now there's nothing to watch. Maybe I'll watch 2001: A Space Odyssey. I watched Full Metal Jacket last night. I love that movie. I love everything I've seen by Stanley Kubrick.

Success

At age 4, success is... not peeing in your pants.
At age 12, success is... having friends.
At age 16, success is... having a driver's license.
At age 20, success is... having sex.
At age 35, success is... having money.

At age 50, success is... having money.
At age 60, success is... having sex.
At age 70, success is... having a driver's license.
At age 75, success is... having friends.
At age 80, success is... not peeing in your pants.

I'm sick again today. I think it's just allergies, but maybe not. My eyes are itchy, and my sinuses are horrible, which seems like allergies. However, I'm also coughing, which I don't usually do when I have allergies, and this morning I felt achy all over and I was just completely out of it, like with the flu. I was so tired and half-unconscious that I kept almost falling asleep and almost falling over at work. By the afternoon I started feeling a little better, but then, after I went home, my sinuses got worse than ever. By dinner-time I couldn't breathe at all, and couldn't taste a thing I was eating. I hate that.

We've had some pretty bad weather the last few days. It was fine today, but about 11:00am Wednesday morning it suddenly started raining really hard, and soon it turned into the first thunderstorm of the season. Oklahoma Spring weather had arrived. It rained the entire day, very hard at times. By night many streets in Oklahoma City were starting to become flooded. It finally stopped for a while around midnight, but after a while it started raining off and on, and continued to rain occasionally the next day too. We were in tornado warnings all day too, but none ever hit. They had to shut down parts of I-240 because it was flooded, and many parts of the state are still underwater. Some parts of the state had the worst flooding seen in 20 years. I love Spring in Oklahoma. I mean that, I love storms and bad weather. Just as long as a tornado doesn't hit my house. We don't have to worry about tornados in my town, though, as the town is surrounded by several creeks and rivers, and tornados don't often cross water. We haven't had a tornado in Purcell in decades, I don't know the exact amount of time, but it's been since before I was born. Some hit out on the edge of town, out in the country, and past the protection of the water, but none have hit the main town in a long time.

We've started selling paper shamrocks at work. They cost a dollar, which goes to Jerry's Kids and the fight against Muscular Dystrophy. If you buy one, we write your name on it, and hang it on the wall. There are prizes and stuff for the employees who sell the most, and the restaurant which sells the most. Yesterday Alicia sold over sixty of them. I sold four. It's not really that I'm a bad salesman or anything, it's just that she was working drive-thru, and I was front counter and lobby. Drive-thru has several times the amount of orders that the lobby has, and the customers are more receptive to things like that. Most of my customers in the morning are the old men that sit around and drink coffee all morning, and high-school kids on their lunch break. Neither are very likely to buy the shamrocks. Most of the old men just give me dirty looks when I ask them, and I usually don't even bother asking the school kids. Some lady called up yesterday all angry about us selling them. She said we shouldn't be asking our customers for donations. I don't know why. She was really angry about it though. The manager wasn't very happy with her. He told her that it's not our fault anyway, we're made to do it by the corporation, and if she has a problem with it, to take it up with them.

As I mentioned earlier, Alicia moved to a new blog, and, as I mentioned the other day, I've been thinking about it as well. If I can find a hosting service that's better than Blogger, I may switch. I'm still not sure. I'm going to look at some other sites now, and see what they have to offer.

Cool, the new special episode of Spongebob, "Spongebob Goes Prehistoric," premieres in half an hour. I've been wanting to see that.

Animals on the Underground

Some people with very active imaginations have discovered that you can find the shapes of several different animals on maps of the London Underground.

Entrez-PubMed

Jaswant Rai Speciality Hospital, Meerut, India.

A 27-year-old lady presented with persistent cough, sputum and fever for the preceding six months. Inspite of trials with antibiotics and anti-tuberculosis treatment for the preceeding four months, her symptoms did not improve. A subsequent chest radiograph showed non-homogeneous collapse-consolidation of right upper lobe. Videobronchoscopy revealed an inverted bag like structure in right upper lobe bronchus and rigid bronchoscopic removal with biopsy forceps confirmed the presence of a condom. Detailed retrospective history also confirmed accidental inhalation of the condom during fellatio.

Kick ass! I've just been linked to by Rebecca! Which is seriously exciting. I've been reading her blog everyday for over a year and a half. Her's was the second blog I started reading, the first was Alicia's

Speaking of which, Alicia has gotten a new blog. She's leaving her old one, but it will still be there, just not used much. Her new site is at http://www.caindo.net/ally

That's all for now, I'm going to go play Halo with my sister. I'll write more later. Probably.

Thursday, March 04, 2004


I'm a Vampire, discover your ALcoHoLiC personality!


You're a Vampire! Hisssss! You're the oddball who sits quietly at parties. You rarely speak, but when you do, its usually so crazy that you probably shouldnt have said it at all. You dumb vampire.

Squirrel Squash OH MY GOD! THIS IS THE BEST FLASH GAME EVER! It's kinda like Sonic the Hedgehog, but with a squirrel instead. And the music kicks ass! AND ITS GOT A SQUIRREL!

New Scientist Another story about a potentially world-changing scientific discovery -- desktop fusion.

silveraj Not really adult, but sexy, and probably not work-safe. Some woman made up to look like some kind of futuristic robo-stripper or something. She looks really cool. And hot.

The Rainbow Plucking Orgy Oh my god. You really MUST watch this, it's the most outrageous thing I've ever seen. It's a clip from an old 70's children show filled with the most blatant sexual innuendo I've ever seen. Very funny and shocking.

03.03.2004 - UC Berkeley Researchers Developing Robotic Exoskeleton that can Enhance Human Strength and Endurance

This is a very exciting concept. And of course my first thought upon seeing this was of the exosuits in Halo.

Nerve.com - I Did It for Science: Sex Doll by Grant Stoddard

ADULT: Grant Stoddard has sex with a Real Doll, all in the name of science.

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

The Irish computer virus

Red vs Blue

Very funny videos made using Halo. Seeing it for yourself would be easier than me trying to explain it, but, basically, they go to multiplayer mode on the game, and record the people running around and stuff, and then dub voices over it.

This has nothing to do with the above post, but you know how sometimes on blogs and other sites, they'll have a link to some news story, but when you click it, the news page tells you you have to sign up before you can view their stories? The New York Times is one of the main sites that does this. Anyway, someone got sick and tired of this, so they created an account on the New York Times site, and is distributing the screen name and password all over the internet, so anyone can use it. So far I only know of the one for the New York Times site, but there may be others out there. So, any time you try to view a story on the New York Times site, and it wants you to enter a screen name and password, simply use this one:

Screen Name: fucknyt
Password: fucknyt

Anybody But Bush

And their main site www.BloodForOil.org

A Glossary of Frequently Misused or Misunderstood Physics Terms and Concepts.

I hate people who use words incorrectly.

Bush Puts Giant Sequoias on the Chopping Block

The Bush presidency is like a nightmare that I can't wake up from.

Now Bush wants to cut down the 3000-year-old Giant Sequoia trees in California. Which, I may remind you, are currently protected by federal law.

And a related story on the follies of Bush:

Not Bright Enough | Molly Ivins | March 2004 Issue

Alchemical Kubrick

This is a very long article, but it's also extremely interesting. Especially if you're into things like this, which I am.

Keywords: Stanley Kubrick, 2001, gnostic traditions, alchemy, philosopher's stone, transcendence, evolution of mankind, hidden teachings.

madpony.com

The blog of a college girl at OU, which is only 20 miles or so from where I live.

Monday, March 01, 2004

I can't beleive I'm saying this, but I actually like this show Straight Plan for the Gay Man, on Comedy Central.

This guy on here tonight is about the gayest person I've ever seen.

I should pay attention to this show. I may not be gay, but I still don't know much about how to act like a guy sometimes.

OK, that was stupid though. They just told this guy that for his apartment to look like a straight guy lives there, he'd have to get rid of the toys, knickknacks, and BOOKS.

My god, this guy is just so incredibly gay.

His apartment looks even gayer to me now that they're done with it. They covered every available surface with leopard skin and other animal prints and gold fabrics. It looks gayer to me that way.

I need to get a dog. This guy's just standing on the street corner with a puppy, and like every woman that walks by is giving him her number.

Build your own iPod battery pack

Get an extra ten hours of play time for long trips using two AA and two 9-volt batteries.

Yes, I realize that this is the godzillionth post I've made today.

This is really weird, but cool.

Deliberately Concealed Garments Project | Clothing found hidden in buildings

"Despite the fact that this term may conjure images of underwear, it is used to describe instances where items of clothing have been deliberately hidden or buried in a building. The evidence for this practice dates back to the Middle Ages.

Builders, owners or residents appear to have hidden clothing and other objects in the fabric of buildings, intentionally sealing the space afterwards. Garments have been discovered at a later time when changes are being made to a building. They have been found most commonly near entrance and exit points in buildings, for example windows or chimneys.

In some instances the hidden clothing has been found with other objects, concealed at the same or a later time, for example coins and documents.

Typically the garments that have been found are clothes that have been worn and used before they have been hidden.

The tradition of concealing clothes can be related to the practice of concealing other objects such as dried cats, witch bottles and charms in buildings. These types of object have been discovered hidden in similar places. The concealing of these items including garments can be related to folklore and superstitious traditions relating to the ritual protection of a household and its inhabitants.

Concealed garments are most often found with other objects in a cache."

growabrain: 2003 First Ever Collection

A list of "Firsts." I particularly like the first email spam.

From Tony Pierce

Monday, March 01, 2004

my true love sent me to an interesting link on yahoo/reuters that says that only 10% of bloggers update every day.

and it says that of internet users only 13% have websites and only 2% have blogs!

tap tap tap

is this thing on?

people of earth wake up and get a damn blog!

they're free you know.

look at me: im not a handsome man. i spout off on shit that people say i dont know anything about. in fact nothing on here is true, allegedly.

and not only has blogging gotten me cold hard cash, but gifts, emails of encouragement from the fellas, and offers of decadence from the ladies.

witness a conversation that took place mere hours ago:

Superhotbeachgirl: hi Tony
dumbass_me: hi baby
Superhotbeachgirl: Do you know Marc Brown?
dumbass_me: very well
Superhotbeachgirl: cause he's coming to florida and wants to meet up
dumbass_me: nice
Superhotbeachgirl: you should come with him
dumbass_me: i wish
dumbass_me: marc lives in a sweet loft
dumbass_me: drives a phat car
dumbass_me: owns a great web development company, invented Buzznet
dumbass_me: im just a bum
Superhotbeachgirl: you are not a bum
dumbass_me: whens he gonna be out there?
Superhotbeachgirl: I don't know, this week I think
dumbass_me: damn
dumbass_me: if i went out there would you let me put sunscreen on your back?
Superhotbeachgirl: I most deffanitly would, not that i need it, im originally from hawaii
dumbass_me: ive been told i have nice hands
dumbass_me: but those girls are typically drugged when they mumble those things
Superhotbeachgirl: you can take all my college girl stress right away?
dumbass_me: um

why does this girl know me?

blogging.

why does she want me?

who knows.

how is marc brown gonna make his fortune?

blogging.

it's how you get hot chicks if you cant play guitar.

ive told you this over and over. i document it. i take pictures. you see it yourself. and yet i read these sorts of reports all the time. reports that say that blogging is increasing but not skyrocketting.

you all saw ryan perry from gorilla mask launch his blog and wham, madpony kristin went flying out to meet him.

you saw that one chick tell everyone that she was addicted to buying things on her credit card and she needed help paying off her debts. and the whole web gave her money to pay off her debts.

you saw will weaton turn into just another washed up has-been child actor into the blogging star that he is now.

you saw adam curry actually get *respect* from the internet through blogging when being an mtv vj only gave him bucketloads of due shame.

i could go on and on.

blogging will change your life.

it will make it better.

maybe not for all of you, but for most of you.

blogging is an even playing field. you can do it anonymously if you want. you can put your pics all over if you want. you can lie you can tell the truth. you can show up to the party late and take over if you do it right.

tell me one person who isnt interested in reading a good new blog.

it can be you.

you have to update every day, though, unless youre hot like madpony. but even they should update every day.

write, people. write. i Know you have stories to tell.

otherwise dumbshits like me will just swoop into your town with mc brown and scoop up all the white women.

and hawaiian grrrls.


Hmmm, so far, my blog hasn't done shit for me. I don't have any fans really, other than people I already knew. Or if I have them, they never say anything. Gusto is the only person I didn't already know that I've heard from since starting this blog a year and a half ago. I haven't gained any new friends from this blog, and I certainly haven't gotten girls or money from it.

Of course, my blog sucks. About all I ever do anymore is post links, and maybe some stupid comments about whatever it is I'm linking to, usually along the lines of "This is cool!" My vocabulary sucks, I sound like a 12-year-old half the time. I have a vocabulary of like 100 words. What happened to my vocabulary? I used to have an incredible vocabulary, that amazed my teachers at school. Now, over the last few years, my vocabulary just keeps steadily getting smaller and stupider. The other reason my posts suck is because I have no life. My posts are all just crap like "I went to work today, work sucks, our customers are stupid. I hate them." Or, "I didn't work today, so I stayed at home all day on my lazy ass and sat here at the computer almost the entire day. Then I went to Best Buy and bought a video game and/or DVD. It's cool. Hooray for hamsters." And what little of a life I do have, I edit myself and don't write about all the things I could write about because I'm embarrased because people I know read this thing. So I don't ever write things like "I worked with (girl's name) tonight, I really like her, I wonder if I'd ever have a chance with her, blah blah blah." I've been thinking about starting another blog, and not telling anyone I know about it. I've been thinking about doing that for most of the time I've had this blog, but I hate doing that, because even though I never hear from them, I like to pretend that I have fans because I get at least 100 hits a week lately. Over half of these, however, are people who came across this site accidentally while searching for "lesbian midgets with hamsters" or something like that. Also, another reason I don't want to get rid of this one is because, most of the time, I like having all my friends (all three of them) read this blog, because it lets me share links and other things with them, so if I did start another blog, I'd still want to keep this one, so then I'd have two blogs that I'd be posting mostly the same stuff to, and it would just be a stupid hassle and take up even more of my time than just this one does.

Anyway, I think I may go look at some other blogging sites. Even if I don't decide to make a second blog, I've also thought about moving this to a different, better, blog hoster, though I hate to do that, because I don't want to lose my archives.

GorillaMask.net: The blog that saved the world from blogs.

The best blog I've seen in a long time. This is going in the links list.

T-ShirtsThatSuck.com...the leader in Offensive Apparel...

These are some funny as hell t-shirts. I want the "Lickalottapuss" one.

Alternate Endings to "The Passion of the Christ"

Funny as Hell, which is where I'm going.

Stairway to Heaven Backwards

This is fucking fantastic. You know those people who claim that if you play "Stairway to Heaven" or other rock songs backwards, you get Satanic messages? Well, here's a handy little flash animation that has a portion of the song you can play forwards and backwards, to hear the supposed Satanic messages, and even gives the reverse lyrics:

"Oh here's to my sweet Satan. The one whose little path would make me sad, whose power is Satan. He'll give you give you 666, there was a little toolshed where he made us suffer, sad Satan."

That's great. But for some reason that line about the toolshed where he made us suffer gives me the creeps.

Holy Fucking Ouch!

FOXNews.com - Top Stories - Woman Has Sextuplets in One Minute

My mother said that must've been the longest minute in that woman's life.

The Gift of Magnetic Vision

This is pretty cool. I'm not much of a fan of Body Modification, but I wouldn't mind having magnets implanted in my body. I've always loved magnets. When I was a kid I was always playing with magnets, and building electromagnets. I like electricity too. I like getting electrocuted. When I was a little kid, I had a train set, and I used to take the wires off of it, and attach them to my finger, and give myself a mild electric shock. A few years ago, I went out onto the porch to plug in the Christmas lights, and the porch was really wet from rain, and I got a pretty good shock. I jumped about two feet in the air, and my legs were numb for at least half an hour. It was scary, but also really cool.

I didn't watch the oscars last night, and in fact, I didn't even know they were on last night until they were almost over. I didn't watch them, but I heard about it, and I'm pretty excited. Lord of the Rings: Return of the King won everything it was nominated for (or that's what I heard anyway). What I do know for sure is that it won 11 Oscars, tying it with Titanic, and Ben-Hur for the most Oscars ever won by a single movie. Here's the complete list of who won what:

Best Picture
"The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King"

Best Actor
Sean Penn, ''Mystic River''

Best Actress
Charlize Theron, ''Monster''

Best Supporting Actor
Tim Robbins, ''Mystic River''

Best Supporting Actress
Renée Zellweger, ''Cold Mountain''

Best Director
Peter Jackson, ''The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King''

Best Adapted Screenplay
''The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King''

Best Original Screenplay
''Lost in Translation''

Best Foreign Language Film
''The Barbarian Invasions''

Best Animated Feature Film
''Finding Nemo''

Best Cinematography
''Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World''

Best Short Film (Live Action)
''Two Soldiers''

Best Short Film (Animated)
''Harvie Krumpet''

Best Documentary Short Subject
''Chernobyl Heart''

Best Documentary Feature
''The Fog of War''

Best Art Direction
''The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King''

Best Visual Effects
''The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King''

Best Sound Mixing
''The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King''

Best Sound Editing
''Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World''

Best Film Editing
''The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King''

Best Song
''Into the West'' (''The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King'')

Best Score
''The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King''

Best Costume Design
''The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King''

Best Makeup
''The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King''