Here's a few things I thought were really funny from Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before.
Posted the night of the election:
A month ago, I would have said, "Bush will win." Now I'm not so sure. What's scary is if Kerry does win, we are all going to be eaten by wolves. I think. I'm not sure, but I think that's what that one Bush ad said. I totally don't want to get eaten by a wolf, let alone a pack of them.
Whoever wins, let's hope that we all made the right decision. And when this is all over, I invite people of all parties to my apartment for a big party. We'll drink Sam Adams and yell shit about the Alamo. And if there are any Nader supporters, we'll plant a tree. Then the Bush supporters can cut it down and build a deck. Then the Kerry supporters can tax the shit out of it.
And something else:
Damn. I wanted to sign myself up for Pimp My Ride, but I am too old. I have to be between the ages of 18-22. That blows. Discrimination. All I really want is for them to clean my car and maybe remove the cement that was splattered on it. And replace the runners. That's all I ask. I promise to be excited.
"Oh shit! Check out the carpets, yo! They all vacuumed and shit! That is sweet, bro." Then I'll hug Xzibit and thank him for pimpin' my ride. But since I'm too old, I guess I should let go of that dream.
Perhaps VH1 can create a show called "Please Clean My Car."
On my way to a Halloween party last night, I was on the subway, when a big retarded black guy decided to stand by me. He smelled quite bad. A guy sitting across from me, who I think was drunk, had a face on that made it seem like he was smelling a septic tank. He then blurted out, "I don't know who the fuck is releasing bodily functions, but it's nasty. Fartin' ass on the subway. Who does that?"
Fartin' ass. I couldn't help but laugh.
Today, a mother was walking with her son and they were carrying groceries. They had stopped to readjust the bags. The son then dropped a bag, only after the mother had given him too much to carry. The bag he dropped apparently contained crackers in it. She said, "Those were the crackers, assface. Those. Were. The crackers."
She called her son assface. Perhaps that was his Halloween costume, but I'm not sure. I guess he ruined his mom's Annual Halloween Cracker Extravaganza.