Strange Things are Afoot at the Circle K.

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Current Mood: Fat. Fat like a big fat wiener dog that waddles around and wears a sweater. Like that one at the apartment across from me.
Current Music: "Sunglasses at Night" by Corey Hart. Please God, make it stop. And I find it very sad that I knew who sings that song without even looking.


Blah blah blah, I know I haven't been writing much lately, blah blah blah.

So, yes. (And why does saying that make me feel like Alicia? *Feels of self* Yup, I feel like Alicia. Not really, how would I know? And am I going to write the whole post in this parenthesis? And why am I asking you anyway?) Hmmm, ever since I sat down here and started to write, I'm getting hyper. And to think, I didn't want to write a post.

So anyway, I haven't been writing much, partly because Chris is home, but mostly because I just don't feel like it.

Mmmmm, big fat wiener dog. I wish I had a dachshund. As I mentioned before, the lady in the apartment across from me has a huge fat dachshund. Its name is Miss Piggy. I know this because the other night it apparently got away from her when she was taking it out for a walk, because she outside my door for ten minutes yelling, "Misspiggy, get back here! MISSPIGGY!" The way she says Miss Piggy it sounds like one word. And she looks and sounds more like Miss Piggy than the dog does. This leads me to wonder though, was the dog always fat? Was it fat when she got it as a little puppy, so she named it Miss Piggy? Or did she just name it Miss Piggy anyway, and then it kind of grew into the name? Or even worse, did she plan all along on purposely making the dog fat, because she wanted a fat dachshund named Miss Piggy?

We had a pretty bad storm earlier. Actually, it looked worse than it actually was. It was a nice day, but then suddenly it started getting really dark, really quick. After 30 minutes or so, it looked like night outside. Luckily the storm here in Purcell wasn't as bad as it was around us. We didn't get the big hail like everywhere else, we just had a little bit of tiny hail. The wind was pretty bad, but not as bad as it was in other places. Up in Tulsa, the wind alone was so bad it broke the windows out of several tall buildings. They had to shut the buildings down and evacuate them, and they had to close some of the streets for all the glass and stuff all over them. And that was just wind, it wasn't a tornado or anything. Though there were a few of those just a few days ago. Not here, but in other parts of the state. We almost never get them in Purcell. I've explained all that before, how we almost never get tornados because we are kinda in a little valley between several rivers and creeks and stuff, and for some reason, tornadoes don't like to cross water very often. They will sometimes, but not often.

I may or may not have mentioned this before. I think I may have, but I'm not sure. Most of my friends know it, but not everyone. Anyway. I'm an ordained minister. I can legally marry and bury people, and perform baptisms and bless things and stuff like that. Well, it depends on your point of view for some of those things. According to the law I can legally do this stuff, but since I don't really practice or believe in Christianity, or whatever in your opinion the right religion is, you may say that I can't really bless things or baptize people, as that is a power granted by God, and since I don't worship Him, he won't let me do these things. But whatever. I got ordained by the Universal Life Church. They will ordain anyone, you can do it right from the website, all you have to do is fill out a little form, it takes like three minutes, and that's it, from then on you are legally ordained. And it's completely free. Well, it's free to become ordained. If you want a fancy certificate and some other stuff like that, you can order it for a few bucks. I really suggest buying the credentials pack if you ever intend on using your new ordained status in any way. The best thing about the ULC is that they are completely non-denominational. That means they'll ordain you, and you can consider yourself ordained in whatever religion you want. Including making your own religion, if you are planning on starting a cult or something like that.

So anyway, the reason I mention this, is because I'm going to get some use out of it for the first time. So far all I've done with it is enjoy the looks on people's faces when I tell them I'm a legally ordained minister. Someone wants me to bless some stuff for them. Chris' girlfriend is a witch. I'm not trying to say she's a bitch, I'm saying she practices Wicca. Which is cool with me, I've practiced it myself a little. I've tried, or at least studied about, nearly every religion you can think of, it's a hobby of mine. She is going to do some spell to cleanse and bless her and Chris' new apartment, or something like that, and she needs some consecrated water and something else I don't remember, to use in the spell. That's weird, I've never heard of any spell that requires consecrated items as ingredients. Not any Wicca or white magic spell anyway. Satanic Rituals often use consecrated items, such as communion wafers that have already been "turned into the body of Christ." Those allow for some heavy-duty Satanic Magics. In some urban areas, the churches have gotten so concerned about this, that they've started posting guards at the doors to the church, and they won't let you leave until they look into your mouth to make sure you swallowed your communion wafer. To quote Dave Barry, "I am NOT making this up."

So Chris is supposed to bring some water and stuff over some day, and I'm supposed to bless it for them. That was a strange phone call. I'm just sitting there, playing video games, when the phone rings, and it's Chris, who had just left my apartment about 15 minutes ago. He asks me "You're a ordained minister, right?" That kinda freaked me out. Then he explained about how Candice needed the stuff for a spell, and would I please bless some stuff for them if they brought it over? I said sure. I was stunned by the end of that phone call.

I mentioned I was playing video games, that's one of the main reasons I haven't been writing. I'm obsessed with Morrowind, which is the best video game ever made, except of course for the Final Fantasy games. There for a week or two I was playing it like 6 hours a day at least. And that was on days I worked. On days I was off I'd play it even more.

Well, this post has rambled on long enough, and I'm getting sick of it. And for some reason I can barely type tonight, I keep messing up every few words. I better spell check and re-read it before I post it.


"Anybody can press a button and blow up a ship. Anybody can use an atom bomb. Anybody can pick up a big whip and whip you. Anybody can stick a knife into you, anybody can pull a trigger. But where's the man with the character as can take a punch on the nose, and keep his temper and keep control of himself?"