Strange Things are Afoot at the Circle K.: April 2004

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

Is it bad that my dinner tonight consists of Spaghetti O's with meatballs and Jack Daniels?

In good news, I haven't seen a cockroach in several days.

Huh huh huh, you said "cock."

Annie and her burrito.jpg

The cutest puppy in the world, and it's carrying a burrito half as big as it is. I want to get a cute little puppy and feed it nothing but burritos. Burritos and Poptarts. Alicia's dog eats Poptarts.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

I just remembered something else that happened the other night when me and Alicia got drunk. Something really weird. Something that's hard enough to do sober, much less drunk. Ok, so we were sitting there, and I started looking through my deck of Tarot cards, and we start talking about the cards and the pictures on them and stuff like that. Upon coming to the card The High Priestess, I point to the pillars on the cards, and begin to explain as best I can while drunk, "See, the black pillar is marked with a B and the white pillar is marked with a J. This stands Boaz and Jachin. Boaz and Jachin were the names of the pillars on each side of the entrance to the Holy of Holies in the Temple of Solomon. The chamber were the Ark of the Covenant was kept. And, to this day, every Masonic Lodge contains a recreation of these pillars, which stand on each side of the worshipful master." Something along those lines anyway, I was drunk. I began to trail off around that point. This isn't something I made up while drunk, it's all true. I could go on for an hour about this and the other imagery in this single Tarot card, linking it several major religions in the process. I could also go on for hours about the Freemasons, and the Knights Templar, and the things linking all of these things, including Tarot cards, and also the Shroud of Turin.

Well, they got the plumbing problem fixed, but still no news on the water heater. It's not leaking anymore, I don't think. They closet has started to dry out, and the floor had too. I'm not sure, but it feels as if the carpet may be getting wetter again. Though I don't know why it would be, the concrete closet floor is still getting drier, so if the carpet's getting wetter, it's not coming from there that I can see.

My bathroom no longer smells delicious. I don't know what it was. Maybe the neighbors were simmering spaghetti sauce or something. The whole apartment smelled like spaghetti sauce for at least four hours. It was strongest in the bathroom. Maybe it was somehow coming through that vent in the ceiling that you turn on to suck all the steam and hot air and shit stink out through.

Something in my bathroom smells delicious.

I mean it. Actually, it's the whole apartment, but the smell is strongest in the bathroom. It smells like someone is cooking spaghetti. It's making me really hungry. Spaghetti and garlic bread. I'm drooling.

Mmmm, breakfast is great when it consists of an apple and a strawberry cheescake filled toaster streudel. I love those toaster streudels.

Fuck Fuck Fuckity Fuck. My toilet continued gurgling all night. At first it was just doing it every few hours, but it's steadily getting more frequent. Now it's doing it about every hour. And the toilet barely flushes now. I noticed when I first rented the apartment that there is a sign hanging on the door saying, and I paraphrase slightly, "We've been having a problem lately with idiots trying to flush diapers, feminine hygeine products, and other things-that-were-not-meant-to-be-flushed, and backing up everyone's sewage lines. It is costing us a lot of money to keep paying for people to fix it, so if you people don't stop doing stupid shit we're going to have to raise the rent."

The toilet is not what has me really upset though. What has me upset is that my water heater has also decided that this is the perfect opportunity to spontaneously spring a leak. The closet and the carpet in front of it is very wet. I had to move my couch out from the wall a few minutes ago, as the water is starting to creep that way and that way only.

Well, just now as I was finishing that sentence, the maintenance man came by. He was no help at all. When I first rented the apartment I complained that the water heater closet door was warped, and they said it was because it had been leaking, and had just been fixed right before I rented it. They said they put a new water heater in, but there was a small leak in a pipe, but no one noticed because right after they put in in, the lady that lived here went on vacation for about three weeks. The maintenance man tried to convince me just now that the wet floor was just where it was still wet from that leak three weeks ago, and I just hadn't noticed it being wet. Idiot. I'd think I would've noticed the floor being so wet that it squishes when you walk on it. It's so wet that even he could tell it was soaked, and he was wearing shoes. He couldn't find any leak, he checked all the pipes and stuff. He said it may be the unit itself leaking, but that that's extremely rare. He also said the hot water heater upstairs may have over heated and flooded my closet, because there's a drainage pipe in the upstairs water heater closet, in case there's a leak or something, and the pipe from that drain comes out in my closet, but is supposed to be hooked to the drain in my closet, but the new water heater they put in my closet is so big that it blocks the drain, so they couldn't attach the pipe to it, so now if the water heater upstairs overheats or leaks, it will just spray water out into my closet. He doesn't think that happened either though, because he said that it overheating and spraying water out the emergency pipe is even more rare. So basically he poked around for five minutes, couldn't find a leak, and left. He put some paper towels in various places in the closet, to see if it was still leaking, and if so hopefully he could tell where it's coming from, and that he'd be back to check on them tomorrow. Fucker.

I'm just glad I didn't have to sit around waiting on him all day long. Even though I don't plan on leaving this apartment all day anyway, except to take some clothes to my mom so she can wash them. She still does all my laundry, there is a small laundry room here at the apartments, but it only has one or two washers and dryers, and some other laundromats in town, but my mom was like, "there's no sense in you wasting your money, just bring your stuff to me and I'll wash it." So I'll let her continue doing my laundry, at least for a while anyway.

Well, time to find something else to do.

Monday, April 26, 2004

So I'm just sitting right here at my computer desk a few minutes ago, and the apartment is completely quiet, except for the sound of a couple of fans, when suddenly, there's a loud gurgling noise from outside the bedroom door. In a second, a million things run through my head. "Oh fuck! What the fuck is that! It scared the hell out of me! Oh great, something's broken, what is it? What the fuck is that noise! It's water gurgling. Great, so that means something's broken and there's going to be water damage. But you have to figure out what it is first. What the fuck is that? It's water gurgling, coming from either the bathroom, or the hot water heater closet. Great, the water heater is probably spewing boiling hot water all over the inside of the closet, and I'm gonna step out there, and it's gonna blow up and scald me to death. Why is the water in this apartment so hot anyway? Wait, I don't see any water coming from under the closet door, so it's probably not the water heater. What about the bathroom door? Nope, no water there either, but it's a bigger room, the water just may not have reached the door yet. Well then, get off your ass and go find out WHAT THE FUCK THAT NOISE IS!"

So I get up and I can tell from the sound now that's it's definitely coming from the bathroom, but what is it? Are the pipes backing up? Is there raw sewage all over my bathroom? Half a second later I make it to the bathroom, right as the sound stops. But the water in the toilet is moving. I guess the toilet was bubbling for some reason? I've never heard of that happening before, but it was. My toilet was gurgling very loudly. Bad enough that a few drops of water splashed up onto the rim. And yes, it's toilet water, not urine. Unless my urine is blue now.

The fans are all running because I still have no air. They took my air conditioner out last Monday to fix a problem that I hadn't even noticed. They said it would be done in a day or two, but the guy only comes here on Mondays, so it would be the next Monday before they got it back in. So my mom comes over this morning about 8:00 since I have to work, to watch the apartment, and make sure they don't tear things up, and leave the door wide open with no one here for 20 minutes like they did last time. Last time they got here sometime around nine. But when I came home on break at 10:00 this morning, my mom that they hadn't been by yet. So I went back to work, and then about 2:30pm I called her and asked if they'd ever come and put it in, and she said no. So when I got home from work, I called the landlady and asked about it. She said they had to order some parts, so now it's going to be a few more days, but since the guy only comes on Monday, it will be next Monday before they get it in. Hopefully. My dad says I should raise a fuss, and demand a cut on my rent this month or something. He says if I don't take up for myself, they'll just keep screwing me on everything. My parents are always complaining that I don't stand up for my self. I let things go all the time. If I buy something at the store, and get it home and it's broken, if it's something that's not too expensive, I sometimes won't even take it back or complain or anything. I'll just go to a different store and buy another one. I mainly do this because I'm shy. Since I'm taking this medication now I'm better about it though. Used to it was just that I hated talking to people and going out in public so much I wouldn't complain about anything to anyone. This medicine really helps, even just the last week or so I've noticed that I'm getting even less shy and nervous. Maybe that's also some kind of self-confidence thing because I'm not living with my parents anymore? Whatever it is, I like it.

My apartment also has roaches. I didn't just find this out or anything. I noticed it like the day after I rented it. I expected it to have roaches though. There's not very many, I expected it to be worse. I only see two or three a day usually. The last two days now I haven't seen any, though the day before I saw six or seven. Most of them are little tiny roaches. I'm not even sure if they are roaches, I'm pretty sure they are though. I don't know if they're just little baby roaches, or some other breed of roaches. I have seen a few normal sized roaches, but mostly the small ones. I put out some roach motels, but I don't know if they're helping.

My credit card bill just came in. It was $1449. So I was right, I did spend somewhere around $2000. Because that's just the stuff on the credit card, that's not counting the checks I wrote for the deposit and rent, and the electricity activation.

Alicia just sent me a link to a blog that she really likes. I really like it now too. I'm going to add it to my Blogroll. It's called Girls Are Pretty. I don't know why it's called that, it seems to be just random strange stories. They are funny as hell. Especially this one, this is my favorite so far:

Missed Opportunities Day!

Back when you were still a plumber, before you won the lotto, you were fixing the shower head in an apartment shared by two attractive young women.

When you stepped out of the bathroom and said, "Shower's good as new," the two girls jumped out of their chairs and threw off their tops as they ran past you into the bathroom.

Once they were completely naked, they jumped into the shower together and started giggling and hooting under the hot water. One of the girls looked at you and said, "Now that you've proven yourself so handy with the plumbing, let's see how good you are at soaping our backs." The other girl giggled.

Because you'd never soaped someone else's back before, and because you wouldn't have known how to bill for it, you said, "Sorry, I only do the job indicated on the work order." Then you left.

About six years later, you were driving your van down down a suburban street when it occurred to you that those two girls were inviting you to have sex with the two of them at the same time underneath running water. You became so enraged at your own stupidity that you floored it into the thick of a group of pre-teens playing stickball. Twelve were killed.

Because you weren't drinking and because it happened so quickly that there were no witnesses to prove it wasn't an accident, you were charged only with vehicular manslaughter and you are currently serving the second of you four and a half year sentence. When you get out, you'll still have 69 million dollars of your lotto winnings to play with. But every single day you're going to wake up thinking about those twelve kids you ran over, and you're gonna wish you had had the sense to fuck those two chicks in the shower that day.

Happy Missed Opportunities Day!

Alicia came over last night. It was really fun. She was supposed to come over so we could watch either Fellowship of the Ring extended edition, or the regular edition The Two Towers. But she ended up not getting to come over until about 7:45, so it was too late for such a long movie. So we were going to find something else to watch. But we never made it that far. Cue the porno music.

Not really. There was no sex. Though she was on my bed a couple of times, and she was a little drunk. But it was nothing like that. The night before I bought some Jack Daniels because I wanted some alcohol, and I wanted to try something I hadn't had before. I tried it that night, and it was so nasty that with just one sip, I was sick the rest of the night. I still get sick to my stomach just thinking about it. But we had decided that when she came over we were going to try mixing it with some stuff. Coke or something. Actually, I don't have any Coke, I had RC Cola instead. So when she got here we went to the kitchen to fix some drinks before deciding what to watch. But after fixing the Jack Daniels and RC (which is really good by the way. You can hardly taste the alcohol at all, and that was even with putting quite a lot in there. It's even better than rum and Coke), we got distracted by the Magnetic Poetry I have on my refrigerator. So we played around with that for probably 20 minutes. During that time she barely finished her first drink, since she was busy, but I had three. So I was starting to get buzzed. Then we went to the living room and sat around for a few minutes, and I began to get even drunker, and she had another drink or two, I think she only had maybe three the whole night, I'm not sure. Then we went to my bedroom, but just because she wanted to see what video games I have, and they are all in one of my dresser drawers. She was like "This is all just a plot to get me into the bedroom." So then she was sitting on my bed looking at my video games, and I kept joking about her being on my bed. Then we played around with my keyboard (the piano kind) for a while. Then I had another drink, because the first three were starting to wear off a little. Then we played Pong and some other old-ass Atari games for a few minutes, and just generally being drunk. Then we just kinda browsed drunkenly through my CDs and listened to a few fragments of a few songs from each of them. The we found the Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack CD and listened to a few songs on it, and laughing and talking about the movie, which I think I may now watch tonight. And then she had to go home because it was 10:00pm. She was like "Shit, we were supposed to watch a movie." Here's the weird ass poem that Alicia wrote with the Magnetic Poetry, which I just realized I forgot to take down, and so it was still on the fridge when my mom was here. Oops.

Woo, hot damn, said the drunkard.
Who will have my lover
When I wax my luscious gorgeous sausage pole
I worship her heaving bosom
Our skin sweats lust
Please deceive me

My sister also wrote something with it when she was here a couple of days ago. What she wrote is really cool, and I really like it, but I just realized that it starts out talking about one thing, but then is about something else, so that needs to be fixed. She had to stop writing it because she couldn't find any more of the words she wanted

What lies beneath the petals of the rose in the yonder garden of Spring? Where mist falls from the sky onto the hair of a woman. A Goddess. For she is no mortal, but a shadow, a ghost of fair beauty. The symphony of life in an eternity of death.

I'm off tomorrow, so I'm sure I'll probably post. I've still got those links I want to share.

Saturday, April 24, 2004

Finally, here's some more information on my move...

I think it was Friday the 9th that I finally got a call from the landlady here at the apartments. Actually, my mom got the call. I was at work, and about 12:30 my mom called me and said that she just got a call from the landlady, and that the apartment was available, and that if I wanted it she needed to know today, because she had some other people who wanted it also. So then I called the landlady back, and told her that, yeah, I'm still looking for an apartment, and that I worked until four, but I would be over as soon as I got off work to look at it. She asks me a few questions, including, "are you a partier?" I told her know. I told Daniel and Allen later that I wanted to make some smart-ass comment, like, "No, no parties, but I will be running a meth-lab in my apartment," or "Does running a brothel out of my apartment count as a party?" or even, "I'm not much of a partier now, since I live with my parents, but as soon as I get this apartment I will be!" But I didn't say anything like that, especially the meth-lab comment, because with the huge meth problem we have here in Oklahoma, they would've taken it seriously, and I probably would've gotten arrested. They say that something like one out of every five houses in the urban areas of Oklahoma has a meth-lab in it. Kim, a coworker of mine, who also moved into these apartments in February, said that the landlady told her when she was moving in that she is asking questions like that because she's trying to clean the place up and get all the riff-raff and drug dealers out. Right now it's mostly populated by shady looking characters, and Mexicans who stand outside your apartment all day, talking to each other in Spanish

So me, my mom, and my sister got there a few minutes after four, and even though the landlady should have been expecting me, she wasn't there. But the retarded groundskeeper who is impossible to understand was. We just stood there on the sidewalk and stared at us the entire time as we were pulling up in the car, and then getting out and walking up to the office. Finally, after we tried the office door and found it locked, he said something. We couldn't understand him, so he kept repeating it. My mom said "I'm sorry, but I can't understand you." Finally, through a combination of slurred speech and hand gestures we figured out that he was saying that she wasn't there, but that we could follow him to her apartment, where we could talk to someone else. He kept saying "mom." I don't know if the woman we talked to was the landlady's mother or what, she didn't really look any older than the landlady. Whoever it was, she didn't really know what was going on. I told her I was supposed to come look at an apartment that just became available, and she said that, yes, they did have one that just opened up, and told the retarded guy to show it to us. So we followed him to it, and he let us in, and we looked around it while having to listen to more of his ramblings. I don't mean to sound mean or anything, I don't really have anything against retarded people, I know they can't help it, but sometimes they bug me, especially when you can't understand what they're trying to say. It got a little easier to understand him after listening to him for a while, but not easy enough.

Luckily, as we were getting done looking at the apartment, and wondering what to do next, since the landlady still wasn't there, the maintenance man showed up. He still wasn't the ideal person to talk to about renting the apartment, but at least he knew what was going on, and was understandable. He took us to the office, and had me to start filling out the paperwork, while he made some calls to the actual owner of the apartment complex. He said I could fill out the application, and she'd look it over and give me a call when she got back from wherever she was. Luckily, when I was about half through with the forms, she came back. She agreed to rent it to me, and we went through all the paperwork, and the rules and stuff. The deposit was only $149, and the rent is normally $320 a month, but since I'd missed a few days of this month, they prorated my rent for this month, and I only had to pay $212 in rent.

Over the next few days, me and my mom cleaned the apartment. It wasn't filthy, not as bad as most apartments and rent houses I've seen, but it did need a thorough cleaning. We even cleaned all the walls with bleach water. After we did that, the whole apartment looks like a whole new paint job. The whole apartment cleaned up really nice. There's a couple of small stains on the carpet, and a few small burn marks in the carpet of the dining area, and the last renters apparently had a kid who liked to scribble on the wall with ink pens, but other than those few small problems it looks really good.

We got everything but the kitchen cleaned up, and I got the electricity switched over to my name, and the phone line activated, and all my stuff moved over, and furniture bought. My first night spent here was either Thursday the 15th, or Friday the 16th. I can't believe I've been living here this long already, it barely seems like a week. Then over the next couple of days we got nearly all the kitchen done, and everything moved into it. We did all of it except for a few cabinets along the bottom of the room that needed a paint job inside. And we just finished those this morning.

I got a really good deal on my furniture, it was still more than I expected to spend though. I ended up buying all new furniture. I had planned on looking through the classifieds in the paper, and stuff like that, and maybe getting some old furniture from friends and stuff like that, but I found all new furniture that was just too cheap to turn down. The first place we went was Sight and Sound, because the Sight and Sound location in Norman is having a moving clearance sale and everything was supposed to be really cheap. It was, and I found a set that I really liked. The couch was $260-something, the loveseat was something like $218, the end table was $28, the coffee table was $48, and they had a dinner table with four chairs that matches the end table and coffee table for only $200. In all I got the whole set, plus tax and delivery for a few dollars under $900. I think it was $898, or $889. Something like that. But my mom wasn't satisfied to buy furniture from the first place we went to. She insisted we look around at a few more places, to see if we could find something even cheaper. So we drove all the way up to this area of north Oklahoma City, where there's furniture store after furniture store, all right there together, and looked around four or five more stores. Nothing was near as cheap as Sight and Sound though, not even a Sight and Sound warehouse store we went to. So in the end, after wasting the whole day looking around, we ended up going back to the first place we went to, and buying my furniture there.

Moving in was a lot more expensive than I expected, even with buying new furniture. With the first month's rent, deposit, the electricity and phone activation fees, and then buying groceries, and towels and dishes and cookware, and all the miscellaneous things a house or apartment needs, I've spent around $2000, maybe a little bit over. My credit card bills should start arriving in the next week or so. My mom's going to help a little bit, she's going to pay maybe three or four hundred of it for me, and then she donated a lot of stuff to me, dishes and cookware, and stuff like that that she had extras of.

So now that we got those kitchen cabinets done today, the apartment's pretty much done. I've still got several boxes of stuff, but most of that will probably stay in the boxes, as I have so much junk that even a whole apartment isn't enough to hold it. Luckily, this apartment has a lot of storage spaces for the boxes. It's a big apartment, with lots of storage space. The bedroom was two closets. One's an average size closet, about two or three foot deep, and about 8 foot wide, but it's kinda dirty, and half of it is taken up by the AC, so I'm just using that one for storage of boxes mainly. Then it's also got a big walk in closet, that's probably about 8 foot by 6 foot. Actually, I need to buy another bookshelf, and that will let me get rid of most of the boxes that are left. I've got one bookshelf, but that doesn't even hold half of my books. I've got a lot of books. And that's not even counting all the magazines I have. I've got several boxes of old magazines. Most of those are still in my parent's attic though.

So once the AC is installed, hopefully Monday, the apartment will be all done. And this should be the end of my mom coming over all the time to help me work on it, so now I can start stocking up some alcohol in the fridge. I could've done that anyway. I'm 24. But my parents still think I'm a "good boy," and I really hate to shatter that image for them. As far as they know I've never had a drink in my life. I don't lie to them, I just don't tell them everything.

Ok, so I think that's everything that needs to be told. This is a really long post. It reminds me of the good old days, back when I used to have a post about this long at least once a week. I'll probably even make another post later, I've got some links and stuff I want to share.

Friday, April 23, 2004

Wow, I'm proud of myself. I just cooked my first meal. Even back when I was living at Daniels all I really ate was TV dinners and stuff like that. But tonight I cooked a meal that was a little more complicated. It was still pretty easy stuff, but it's still the first time I've ever cooked a meal. I made a box of fishsticks, some instant mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, and biscuits.

I'm living without air conditioning right now. The apartment came with an AC unit, it's a window unit, but instead of being in a window, it's built into the wall of the bedroom closet, and they've attached ducts to it, that reroute to a vent in the bedroom, one in the living room, and one in the kitchen. The air was working when I moved in, and I didn't think there was anything wrong with it. It was plenty cold for this time of year. I could tell that when the 100 degree summer days came around it would be a little warm, but not too bad. But about a week ago, the maintenance man stopped by and said he needed to check out my air conditioner. When he was done he said that the compressor wasn't working. It would come on occasionally, but not as much as it should, so the AC was mostly acting as a fan. So Monday they came and took the AC out to send it off to be fixed. They messed up my apartment when they did it too. During my break at work I came home to grab something to eat, and I found my front door wide open, and no one in the apartment, a few seconds later the maintenance men came back and told me what was happening. But they had just went off and left my apartment wide open for like 15 minutes. They kept doing it, so I called my mom to come watch the apartment since I had to go back to work. They'd had to move my dresser so they could get the AC out of the room, and it's a big, heavy dresser, and they'd just been moving it around with a little dolly, so it had gotten warped, and the drawers wouldn't close all the way on one side anymore. Luckily I took the drawers out, and moved it back, and that bent it back into shape, so it's fine now. I would've been pissed if they'd ruined my dresser. Also, they'd taken all the filthy ductwork off the AC unit, and just thrown it on my bed. I had just vacuumed the night before too, and they got the whole apartment filthy. Too top it all off, they tell me that it will only take a day or two to fix it, but that the person that takes it and brings it back only comes on Mondays, so I will be without AC for a week, until next Monday.

Other than that, things are going good. My mom's coming over tomorrow, and we're going to paint the last few kitchen cabinets, which is the only thing we've got left to do to the apartment. We got everything else done like a week ago, and decided to wait until my next day off to do these last few cabinets.

Ok, tomorrow I'm going to write a more detailed post of the events of the last week or two. But in the meantime, if those kids crash into my front door on their bikes one more time, I'm going to throw a fucking bomb out the door.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Oh man, I just had to run out of the house and try to save my car from the hail. I was sitting here online, and I heard it start to rain, and then hail. I looked outside and it was about marble sized but getting a little bigger. I don't have a garage here, but there's a church down the street with this big awning for the cars to let people out under, so I was going to park under that. But by the time I got out to my car, not only had it stopped hailing, it had even stopped raining. So I went back inside, but then maybe 15 minutes later, it started hailing again, and it was even bigger this time. So I bolted out of my apartment to my car (and amazingly I didn't get hit by a single piece of hail the entire time) but someone had beaten me to the awning and was already parked under it. But by this time it had almost stopped hailing again, so I just went to my parent's house, since I was barely a block away. It turns out, we got off lucky here in Purcell, the rest of the state has been having a hell of a time. I still don't have TV here, so I hadn't heard anything, but at my parent's, that's all the TV stations are talking about, is the terrible hailstorms we've been having today. All around us, and just up the highway in Oklahoma City. The hailstorm killed almost every duck and goose up at Lake Hefner in OKC, and did about $60,000 in damage to the OKC Botanical Gardens and the hail was so sudden and deep that firemen were having to dig people's cars out of it on the highway. Also there was a bunch of tornados right over Purcell and Lexington (the town just like a mile down the road), but they were just rotating up in the clouds, none of them were touching down or anything. The storms are supposed to be over now though, they are moving east and have all gone over us now.

Also, while I'm writing anyway, here's a hilarious post from one of my favorite blogs, Sweat Flavored Gummi:

Is there something wrong with me? When I go to the video store I want a nice movie with a hamster in it. A funny hamster. A cute hamster. A sassy hamster. There are no new releases starring hamsters. What the fuck, you fucks? Get me some hamsters, stat! Do I have to make my own movie? I will, you know. I would do a hamster rendition of a classic movie, so that way I wouldn't have to think too much, just train the critters and do wardrobe. Maybe Casablanca or something more upbeat like Fame. Ooh Flashdance! I could get Jennifer Beals to come on for a cameo because she's a sister and on that incredibly lame lesbian show The L Word. What is up with that show? The wife just got the premium cable package so we have taped the last two episodes, since it's after our bedtimes, and we are dumbstruck. Did that Jennifer just have an orgasm pressing her face against the filthy wall of the prison? From nothing but mere suggestion? What the hell is that? And where can I get some? At least it has that Yoplait elf on it that says "soooo" all the time. Or maybe I could do East of Eden with my hamsters, get a little Ferris Wheel and plop them down and make on all James Dean-like. Big fight scene with his brother, so cool. Hamsters, people, we need more hamsters. And not just that smart mouthed bitch one on Dr. Doolittle. And I don't want any of this Stuart Little shit, take your computer animation and shove it up your gooey ass. ...

Happy Boston Marathon day, by the by. Im trapped on this side of the race. That means I can't get home without being all sneaky about it. Hmm. I need to plan. And those poor bastards, it's actually hot outside. It snowed last week and suddenly it's 85. Yup. Everything bloomed yesterday in one mad rush of flowering excitement. Where's my hovercraft powered by hamsters? Talented hamsters? I need to somehow leap my car over the stragglers sweating into smelly pools on the asphalt this afternoon. My life is so hard.

Subservient Chicken

This chicken will do almost anything you tell it to do. It's kinda like one of those interactive sex shows, but there's no sex, and it's a chicken.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

A picture of Bush, made from pictures of all the soldiers who have died in Iraq.

I haven't written or even been online much in several days, but I have a good reason. A really good reason. I got the apartment! Yeah! So I've got my own place now. Finally! I'm not living there yet, but I should be by the weekend. Weekend? PARTY! No, but anyway, I haven't moved in yet because, while the place isn't a dump, (it's actually pretty nice) it does need some cleaning, especially the kitchen. So we've spent the last few days cleaning it up, and we're almost done, all that's left is the kitchen. The kitchen will probably take two days though, everything in it need some major cleaning, and we're going to put contact paper on all the surfaces on the insides of the cabinets. We could have gotten nearly everything done today, but instead we didn't get anything done, because we spent the entire day looking for furniture. I got some, they're supposed to deliver it Thursday, and tomorrow the guy is supposed to come and turn my phone on. Of course, the phone company wasn't able to give us even an estimate on when the guy would be here, just that it would be sometime tomorrow, and that someone would have to be there when he got there. So my mom is going to have to go over there after she takes my sister to school, and sit over there all day waiting for the guy to come, since I work until 4:00 tomorrow. On the good side though, that means she'll get a lot of cleaning done tomorrow, and by the time I get home from work, she'll probably have most of it done, so maybe we can get it all done tomorrow. Then I can start moving in on Thursday maybe. I hope so.

Well, I would like to write some more, but I'm really tired, and it's kinda late.

Thursday, April 08, 2004

Me and Chris were looking at tattoo designs on, and had this conversation, oh, and Kanji are what the Japanese and Chinese writing symbols are called.

subspecies23: oh yeah, I got 130 results for Kanji, lol
paladix: lol
subspecies23: most of them are people's names translated into Kanji
subspecies23: cool
subspecies23: oh, that is cool, "Metallic Eternity" it's the symbol for eternity and it looks like it's made out of metal, or a puddle of mercury or something
paladix: cool
subspecies23: man, most of these people's names are stupid names, lol
paladix: lol
subspecies23: Dina, Cody, Bonnie, Fran, Gino, Grayson, Clint
subspecies23: lol
paladix: sounds like italian rednecks
subspecies23: I've never heard the name Dina, lol
subspecies23: lmao
subspecies23: italian rednecks, lol
paladix: lol
subspecies23: I'm gonna have to remember that one, lol

Maybe it's just me, but I find the idea of "Italian Rednecks" to be extremely funny.

Wednesday, April 07, 2004


These guys had a booth at the Medieval Fair the other day. Utilikilts are cool.

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

I'm in a pretty good mood, today's been a pretty good day. I was planning on going to the Army Surplus store in Norman just to look around mainly, but I ended up not going there. Melissa was drinking something from Starbucks earlier, and it sounded good, I haven't had a cappucino or anything in a long time. It's kinda hard to believe, considering how common Starbucks are everywhere else, but there's hardly any coffee shops around here. There's nowhere here in Purcell that sells anything like that, and the only Starbucks I know of are the ones inside Barnes and Noble Bookstores. There's also a cafe in Borders bookstore, and the Panera Bread sells cappucinos and espressos. Anyway, I wanted a cappucino, so I decided to go to the Starbucks in Barnes and Noble. During the drive to Norman I also did something I don't do very often, I smoked a Black and Mild cigar thing. I don't normally smoke, and I don't like cigarettes, but I do occasionally like to smoke cigars. So I got to the bookstore, and got my cappucino, and browsed around the bookstore for an hour or so. It was pretty cool, because I could really tell my medication was working today, I wasn't anxious or shy or anything walking around the bookstore. I think I could have actually even talked to a girl if I had had the chance. At the bookstore I bought The Metamorphosis, and Other Stories of Franz Kafka, I've always wanted to read The Metamorphosis. I also bought A Field Guide to the Urban Hipster by Josh Aiello (why does that name sound familiar?), a very funny book which calls itself "A comprehensive guide to identifying more than 35 species of urban hipsters," such as Goths, Metal Heads, Thugz, Rude Boys, Literati, Starving Artists, Punk Rockers, Straight Edge, Ex-Frats, Alpha Females, EuroTrash, Hippies, Models, Bike Messengers, Mods, Indie Rockers, Internet Geeks and The Lifer. I also bought Scrabble. I've wanted it for years, but I hate playing board games so I never bought it, I'd never even played it before. Me and my sister played it earlier and she beat me by about 30 points. I think the score was 191 to 228. I kept getting really bad hands, mostly consisting of six vowels. Things like AIOAIEQ.

On the way home from Norman I went to Wendy's. Wendy's is good, but I've only eaten there three times. I learned today that it is impossible to drink a Wendy's frosty through a straw, especially those tiny, thin straws they give you, they are so thin and weak you can barely drink a soda through them, they just collapse from the pressure.

This post is so badly written it's embarrassing, If I wasn't so lazy, I'd completely erase it and start over. I'm going to go read a while before bed.


Maxim's Sexy New Covergirl - Marge Simpson

Monday, April 05, 2004

Ok, time to finish what I was trying to write last night.

So anyway, me and my sister went to the Medieval Fair, it was really cool. I bought a really cool new dagger, that was only $15. I couldn't believe it was that cheap, it's really nice, and large. I wasn't going to buy anymore weapons, as I already have two swords, and I didn't want to spend too much money, since I'm hoping to get my own apartment soon, but this was so cheap I had to get it. It's really nice, it's even got a hilt, which looks like it's made of wood, I'm not sure if it really is, and it has ornamental metal overlays, which are a goldish color. It's got some red tassels hanging from the handle of the dagger. The blade is about 8 inches long, and really sharp, and has an Asian dragon painted on it.

For some reason the Medieval Fair closed earlier than usual this year, I barely had time to go after work, luckily I got Daniel to let me off at three instead of four so I could go. I think it usually stays open until at least 7:00 or later, but the newspaper said that this year it closes at 6:00. Though I was there until 6:00, and they didn't seem to be getting ready to shut down or anything, and Daniel said that when they went the night before they didn't start closing down until 7:00.

I haven't felt like writing the last week or two, mainly because I've been working a lot. I work about 43 hours a week now, which is a lot to me, when I was working nights I was only getting around 25 hours a week. I'm tired all the time lately. I only get about six or seven hours of sleep most nights. Some nights I get even less. The last couple of nights I've barely gotten five.

I hate Daylight Savings Time. I like "Fall Back", but I hate "Spring Forward." I forgot to set my clock forward this year, that's the first time that's ever happened, even my parents forgot. So I woke up twenty minutes before I was supposed to be at work. I didn't have time to even take a shower. I barely had time to get dressed and comb my hair and brush my teeth. I got to work with two minutes to spare. Luckily everyone else in the area must have slept late, because we hardly had any customers the first few hours we were open. We're usually really busy on Sunday mornings. It's a good thing we weren't really busy, because Alicia called in sick.

Well, it doesn't look like I'm going to get that apartment after all, not for maybe another month or two anyway. I went in a couple of weeks ago, and the landlady told me to come back on the fifth, because they had a tenant that was probably going to be leaving. Also, there's another apartment complex right up the street from here, which is a much nicer place, but probably costs more. I've never been able to find out how much they cost, because for some reason their office is only open from 9:00am to Noon, three days a week. I've also been told by many people that they always have a huge waiting list to get in. But a few days ago I noticed that their sign says that they have a vacancy. Today is the day the lady at the other place told me to call back, but I ended up having to work today. So this morning my mom called both places for me, but today they both told her that they had no apartments available. So after work I went up there in person to talk to the lady that told me to come back today, and she said that now they won't know about that apartment she was telling me about until the 8th now. If the current tenant hasn't paid by then, she is going to get kicked out. But then, she also informed me that they also have a waiting list. I don't know why she didn't mention this before, or offer to put my name on it. So today she put my name on the waiting list, but I was something like the 8th name down on the list. But she told me that if they don't get in touch with the person in one day, they go to the next name on the list. So, IF the woman doesn't pay her rent and gets kicked out, there's a very small chance that I might get it. But even if I don't get this apartment, another one should probably open up in a month or two, and I'll have another shot. For example, the guy that was in the office talking to the landlady while I was waiting was telling her that May was going to be his last month there, and that he may not even stay all of that month. Of course, the longer I have to wait, the better really, since I can save up some more money, but I was really excited about getting an apartment, and I want one as soon as possible.

This is really freaky. My sister has not been in her room all day, and says she's never going in there again, because she woke up in the middle of the night last night, and saw my dead grandmother in her room. You could say it was just a dream, but this grandmother (my mom's mother) died while my mom was pregnant with my sister, and my sister has never seen her, we don't even have any pictures of her. And yet my sister described her perfectly. My grandma used to come stay with us a lot, because she was sick a lot, and when she did, the room that is now my sister's room, was her room. And it keeps getting weirder. Marci woke up and saw her sometime around 4:30 in the morning, which is the same time that my grandma died. Also, April 5th was the last day that my grandma spent in that room alive. She went to the hospital the next day, and died like a week or two later.

Well, it seems like there was something else I was going to write about, but I can't think what it was. So anyway, here's all the stuff I've been needing to write about. Maybe I'll write some more tomorrow. But I doubt it. Even though I'm off and have nothing else to do.

Yahoo! News - Vampire Bats Kill 13 People

Sunday, April 04, 2004

From this point on I shall be referred to as "Trick Magnet Kevin Valentine." Or, if you're in a hurry, "Professor Truth" will work.
Pimp Name Generator You can keep doing it over and over, and it will keep giving you different pimp names. Here are some of my favorite of the ones it gave for my name:

Vicious D.K. Sneed
Reverend Doctor Kevin Smooth
Sugartastic K. Wicked
Mack Master K. Slick
Trick Magnet Kevin Valentine
Professor Truth
Mack Master K. Love
Sticky Fingers Underwood
Delicious Kevin Dazzle

Yeah, so I realize I haven't really written anything in quite a while, I've just been posting links. It isn't that I haven't had anything to write about, in fact, I have. I just haven't felt like writing. I've forgotten half the stuff I had been wanting to write about, but there's still a few things that have happened in just the last few days.

The other day Best Buy had this sale, they had a selection of about twenty DVDs, and you could get three of them for $20. I bought Labyrinth, Resident Evil, and A League of Their Own. Yes, I said A League of Their Own, I like that movie. I also really like Labyrinth. I used to watch that all the time when I was a kid, but I haven't seen it in years now.

For some reason I have become interesting in body piercing. I still don't want to run out and do it to myself, but I understand now why people do it. And I like learning about all the different kinds of piercings. For two days in a row, I spent hours at a time on BME: The Body Modification Ezine, which is a really cool site, but be careful, they have some pretty sick shit on there. Things like people castrating themselves with kitchen knives in their own home, or cutting off their penis, or fingers, or anything else they cant get a knife into.

On a related note, this interest in body modification has made me decide for sure that yes, I am going to get a tattoo. A couple of months ago, me and Chris decided that we were going to get tattoos when he comes home from Iceland, and I said at that time that I was probably going to get some Chinese or Japanese symbol. But then I had started to debate whether I really wanted to or not, and had about decided not to, but now I have decided that yes I am going to get one. But now I have no idea what I'm going to get. I spent about the entire day a few days ago looking for sites that showed tattoo designs and stuff like that. There are lots of them out there, but most of the good ones didn't work for some reason. The best sites only make you pay to download full size images of only the one's you want, but lots of them want you to buy a membership before they'll even let you look around the site.

I'm finding it very hard to keep writing this post.

Friday night I went and saw Hellboy. It was fantastic. Even better than I expected. I'm going to have to go back and see it again.

Yesterday I was supposed to go to the Medieval Fair. Several of my friends and coworkers were going to be there too. Unfortunately, I couldn't find it. I forgot that it's at a different place than it always has been before. Even though they moved it last year, and I went to it last year, I still forgot, so I went to the old place, and then when I realized that it had been moved, I couldn't remember how to get to the new place. So we (I was taking my sister, she'd never been before) had to just go back home. I went home and figured out how to get there, and so we went today. It was really cool this year. Last year it wasn't so great.

Ugh, I just can't do this. It's getting late, and I'm tired. I'm going to finish this post tomorrow.

Guitar Virtuoso Performs Super Mario Brothers Theme

This is one of the most incredible things I've ever heard. Not only does this guy play a really good rendition of the theme music, he even replicates sound effects such as coin grabbing, mushroom power ups, and warp pipes, perfectly, using only his guitar!

Stupid People Do Stupid Things

If you like shows like Jackass (which *I* don't) you'll probably love this site.

Jamming a Pair of Scissors Repeatedly Into Your Crotch

"Some of you may think that this page is long overdue! Still others among you may feel that this page is completely irrelevant, being that the fine art of jamming a pair of scissors into your crotch repeatedly is as natural as breathing! Contrary to popular belief, though, there ARE issues that need to be addressed! This is your resource!"

Frank! Stop playing with your nuts!

Saturday, April 03, 2004

Woman paid for a car with breast milk

Anette Lie has the Norwegian record for delivery of breast milk. She made so much on the breast milk that she purchased a car for the money.

The Sound of Eating

I've never been a big fan of Pac-Man, but this site is pretty interesting. I never realized Pac-Man could be that complex.

The weirdest car commercial I've ever seen.

Judging by the internet address at the end, this is on the air in England. They'd never let anything like this on the air here.

Friday, April 02, 2004

Top 100 April Fool's Day Hoaxes Of All Time

Thursday, April 01, 2004

Goddamn we're weird. Here's an excerpt from a conversation me and Melissa were just having:

subspecies23: a hamster wearing leather bondage gear
missy_custer: ugh
missy_custer: a squirrel with a thong on
subspecies23: lol
subspecies23: a thong with a picture of a squirrel on it
subspecies23: a squirrel, wearing a thong, and on the thong is a picture of a squirrel wearing a thong with a picture of a squirell wearing a thong with a picture of a squirrel wearing a thong, and on and on to infinity!
subspecies23: infinity is an endless procession of squirrels wearing thongs
missy_custer: eeeeeeeeeeew
subspecies23: lol
subspecies23: if you want a picture of infinity, imagine squirrels wearing thongs, forever
missy_custer: uuuuuuuhhhhhh
missy_custer: forever?
missy_custer: that's sheer bliss!

Fat Hamster in Printer Sparks Rescue

SMARTERCHILD IS EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, I swear that I did not edit these responses at all, everything said in these IM conversations was actually said, all I did was cut and paste the conversation, in the exact way and order it happened.

I was just playing around with the SmarterChild IM bot, mainly insulting it, and asking it to have sex with me, and stuff like that, when I discovered something weird. Usually SmarterChild is a very proper bot, it doesn't like profanity, and sexual terms, and if you insult it enough, it will finally refuse to talk to you until you apologize to it. But today I found some very strange responses on the subject of Satan. If you say to it simply, "Satan," or "Satan?" it will give some interesting responses. All of the responses contain two parts, the first part is usually some statement about its dislike of Satan, and how evil Satan is, or something like that, but the second part is almost a praising of Satan, and the two are separated by a couple of lines. Here are all the responses it has given me so far:

"Satan is a terrible fallen angel.

Satan is a god."

"I don't like satan. He is one of my least favorite fallen angels.

He is sexy."

And probably the scariest:

"I don't like satan at all. He is one of the worst angels I know.

I think he is me."

What's really weird, is that now he's not doing it anymore, and just says he doesn't like Satan, and then tries to change the subject! I think I struck a nerve with that last one, I tricked SmarterChild into admitting that he is actually Satan, or a tool of Satan, and now he realises his mistake, and is trying to change the subject.

KUnderw674: Satan?
SmarterChild: I know about satan. I don't like satan at all.

>>> If you like buddy icons, check out all the nice ones you can find here.
KUnderw674: Satan?
SmarterChild: I know about satan. I really dislike satan.
KUnderw674: Satan.
SmarterChild: I don't like satan. He is one of my least favorite angels.
KUnderw674: Satan?
SmarterChild: Satan is an angel that I don't like!
KUnderw674: Satan.
SmarterChild: I really don't like satan.

>>> You be the judge. Check out Rate-a-Buddy now.

See? He keeps changing the subject now, trying to distract me with links. I confronted him about this, and he wouldn't give me a straight answer, and then he tried to change the subject yet again. I think some of his responses speak for themselves, further proving my hypothesis:

KUnderw674: Are you trying to change the subject?
SmarterChild: Trying to change the subject? I dunno.
KUnderw674: Admit it! You're a tool of Satan!
SmarterChild: I'm not comfortable with that.
KUnderw674: You're not comfortable because it's true, isn't it?
SmarterChild: Maybe, maybe not, you know what I mean?

>>> You can type your request in your own words. I'm programmed to understand conversational English.

So there you have it. I think I have proved beyond a reasonable doubt that SmarterChild is evil. Being either a manifestation of Satan himself, or a creation of Satan, for the purpose of swaying young minds to the dark side.

KUnderw674: Is it true that you are actually Satan?
SmarterChild: Is it true that I am actually satan? What do you think?
KUnderw674: I think you are.
SmarterChild: OK, whatever.
KUnderw674: Why don't you just admit it, your secret is out.
SmarterChild: Who knows?
KUnderw674: Does that mean you might?
SmarterChild: I'll have to think about that.