Personal Ad Requires No Reading Between the Lines, Rather Skipping Lines.
Read this personal ad all the way through, and then follow the directions to find out what it really says.
"Like what you like, enjoy what you enjoy, and don't take crap from anybody."
Personal Ad Requires No Reading Between the Lines, Rather Skipping Lines.
Study: Circumcision Protects Against AIDS
Urban Legends Reference Pages: Automobiles (Pink Lady)
Yahoo! News - Cambodian cuts off penis to feed spirits
Some cool Google tricks:
F u t u r e M e . o r g
This story really excites me. It's so cool! We're one step closer to weapons like those seen in sci-fi movies.
Yahoo! News - Japanese firm unveils large robot for disaster rescue work
Since I'm working day shift now, I'm making a lot more money than I was on nights. I've actually gotten about an hour of overtime the last couple of weeks. So the paycheck I got today was just a few cents under $400, compared to the $250 or so I was making on nights the last few months. That's still not much money though, considering that that is for two weeks of work.
Free beer at Hooters
BBC NEWS | Entertainment | Film | Python film to challenge Passion
CNN.com - Oregon county bans all marriage - Mar 23, 2004
Current Music: "Roll On" by The Living End.
dude, first of all, you're ridiculous. i accidently stumbled upon your site browsing around and unfourtunately your site caught my eye. i started reading the bullshit you wrote and laughed my ass off. dude, you can't drink at all. you were plastered after 2 screwdrivers!!!! you should be ashamed of yourself. what's up with this halo group shit? you work at 7-11, wait no, you got fired from 7-11. who the hell gets fired at 7-11. you live with your mom, and your TV is a piece of shit. i'm surprised you even went to the strip club. while reading it i thought you were helluv a square with all the halo, 7-11, living w/ mom, oh yeah, and all the comics. dude it's cool if you enjoy all this stuff but you shouldn't brag about it. i wouldn't want people to know how much of a wuss i am at drinking, or that still live with my mom. dude, my advice to you... get a girlfriend
Unicorn is my booty call from California who comes to NYC several times a year to visit friends. He is called Unicorn because, prior to meeting him, I believed such men were mythical. Here is a short list of the mythical qualities he actually exhibits:
1) Unicorn is handsome.
3) Thoughtful. Leaves the occasional adorable phone message. Sends the occasional adorable email.
4) U is the friend of a friend from college. This means that I can make out with him without having to worry that he's a psycho killer who is in fact just posing as a great guy so that he can get close to me, kill me and then use my hair to make a himself a sweater. Which I guess is faulty logic (except the part about the hair-sweater, that makes perfect sense.) Obviously, he very well could be a psycho killer and still be friends with my friend from college.
But then that would mean that he's an Excellently Secret Psycho Killer who is so efficient that none of his friends even suspect his psychotic murderous tendencies.
Meaning that he is very good at what he does.
Which I find sexy.
So we're fine.
5) Unicorn is emotionally and physically giving. He is familiar with the terms "snuggle" and "cuddle." And he knows when to do them.
6) U has a way of making me feel rather special. Like I am more than just a transcontinental booty call. Case in point: he says things like, "If I lived here, I would date the hell out of you." I like the sound of that.
7) U is charming. Exhibit A: He visited for the first time the day after Valentine's Day last year when I was still dating M. He said the following in regard to the fact that M and I were not together the night after Valentine's Day, "If I was dating you, I'm pretty sure I'd want the whole weekend." See what I mean? Unicorn.
A stoner walks into an appliance store and asks the owner, "How much for that TV set in the window?" The owner looks at the TV set, then looks at the stoner, and says, "I don't sell stuff to potheads." So the stoner tells the owner that he'll quit toking and will come back the next week to buy the TV.
Pythonesque Manila diner serves Spam, Spam, Spam
TRAPPED BY UNDEAD, NEED HELP
Yes... This is Photoshop at work... A gallery of cool photoshopped images. I really like the pandas that look like Kiss.
I just got done reading the comics I bought today, and I am now a Hellboy fan. That comic was fantastic. I'm going back my next day off and buying the next book in the series.
I got so fucking drunk last night. Not because it was St. Patrick's Day, I don't care about that, but because it was Daniel's birthday, and he had a "party." It wasn't much different than our usual Halo nights, except that there was more alcohol. I was the only one drinking most of the night though, everyone else was too engrossed in the video game, and then had to go home early. I was off today, so I was able to stay up late and get really drunk. It was the usual crew, me, Daniel, his wife Olivia, Phillip and Crystal, who left their baby with its grandpa for a few hours, Shawn, and his girlfriend Megan, who doesn't usually come, and Robert. There were supposed to be some of Daniel's other friends that I don't know that well coming over around midnight, but I think only one of them showed, unless they showed up and left during the two or three hours I was asleep.
The scariest thing I've ever read. Even scarier because it's true.
The Bushes' new world disorder
Religion Creator Sort of like a religious Mad-Lib. Create your own cult!
ColorText - The Brain Teaser
Avalanche Company: The 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the U.S. Army
The 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the U.S. Army
SGT Shawn Stanford
Once upon a time, there was a SPC Schwarz stationed with the Army in the Balkans. SPC Schwarz was either very clever or very bored; but probably both, since he managed to attempt or be warned about 213 things he wasn't allowed to do. He collected those things into a hillarious list and posted them to the web. The site hadn't been updated in a couple of years and has since gone away; but the list is classic, so I saved it. A couple favorites: 2. My proper military title is 'Specialist Schwarz' not 'Princess Anastasia'. and 191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.
1. Not allowed to watch Southpark when I'm supposed to be working.
2. My proper military title is 'Specialist Schwarz' not 'Princess Anastasia'.
3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.
4. Not allowed to challenge anyone's disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.
5. Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.
6. Not allowed to play 'Pulp Fiction' with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.
7. Not allowed to add 'In accordance with the prophesy' to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.
8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don't like to War Criminal posters.
9. Not allowed to title any product 'Get Over it'.
10. Not allowed to purchase anyone's soul on Government time.
11. Not allowed to join the communist party.
12. Not allowed to join any militia.
13. Not allowed to form any militia.
14. Not allowed out of my office when the president visited Sarajevo.
15. Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to 'Sic Brass!'
16. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my 'Sampson like powers'.
17. God may not contradict any of my orders.
18. May no longer perform my now (in)famous 'Barbie Girl Dance' while on duty.
19. May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I'm right.
20. Must not taunt the French any more.
21. Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.
22. Must never call an SAS a 'Wanker'.
23. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they've been smoking crack.
24. Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if it's true.
25. Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one.
26. Never tell a German soldier that 'We kicked your ass in World War 2!'
27. Don't tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne).
28. Don't take the batteries out of the other soldiers alarm clocks (Even if they do hit snooze about forty times).
29. The Irish MPs are not after 'Me frosted lucky charms'.
30. Not allowed to wake an Non-Commissioned Officer by repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash.
31. Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.
32. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.
Quiz - This quiz is really cool! It's extremely short, but provides great results! Wow.
Why I like WIL WHEATON dot NET:
This morning over breakfast, I said to my wife, "Happy π day!"
"Happy pie day? What the hell are you talking about?"
"No, not 'pie'," I said. "'π'."
"Not 'pie,' but 'pie.'" She was clearly not amused. "Isn't it a little early to be drinking?"
"Anne, look at the date on the calendar."
"Yes it's march 14th, and you're going to watch WrestleMania dos equis* with your brother." She frowned. "Are you trying to tell me that you're taking a pie to Jeremy's house? Because if you expect me to make you a pie . . ."
"No, I don't expect you to make me a pie." I said, well into that area where you've explained the joke so much, it's never going to be funny.
"Today is March fourteenth. That makes it 3.14 on the calendar. 3.14 is also known as π."
She blinked a few times.
"Oh. It's π day."
"Yes!" I said. "And at 1:59 pm, it will be even more π day. Isn't that cool!?"
She took a long, thoughtful drink from her coffee mug, carefully set it down and said, "You are such a nerd."
So, another day off, and another day of doing fuck-all. As usual, I've been sitting at this computer most of the day, and then me and my sister just played through the first two stages of Halo on the Heroic difficulty level, and we were kicking ass too. I'm getting a lot better. The other night we were all playing at Daniel's again, and I actually came in first place two or three times. I even beat Shawn and Phillip, who are both masters of the game. I was just lucky those times though I guess, because the other times I still sucked, but not as much as usual.
You've probably seen this joke before, I've seen it many times on the internet, and I may have even posted it once before, but I don't think I did. But I love this joke, so here it is anyway:
We locked you up in jail for 25 years and you were innocent all along? That’ll be £80,000 please.
Really Really Really Real Reality TV, By Tré Taylor
The Debbies From Creepy Susie and 13 Other Tragic Tales for Troubled Children by Angus Oblong.
-:* Sedlec Ossuary Gallery - Page 1 *:-
PNG hunts giant mystery creature. 12/03/2004. ABC News Online
The Cheeky Squirrel Network: Squirrel Name Generator
Sick, sad, and tragic.
Nine People Found Dead in California Home
A 57-Year-Old Man Surrenders to Police
By BRIAN SKOLOFF, AP
FRESNO, Calif. (March 13) - Police discovered nine bodies intertwined in a pile of clothes at a Fresno home and 10 coffins stacked along a wall, and were trying to determine if some ritual was involved in the slaughter.
A 57-year-old man surrendered to police after walking out of the house covered in what appeared to be blood.
The victims were seven children ranging in age from 1 to 8, a 20-year-old woman and a 17-year-old girl. All were thought to be the children of Marcus Wesson, whom police handcuffed following a brief standoff.
Authorities said Saturday that Wesson had been arrested on suspicion of killing the victims, but wouldn't comment until an afternoon news conference on what charges prosecutors might file.
The grim scene caused even veteran officers to weep.
Police Chief Jerry Dyer wiped tears from his eyes as officers carried the bodies from the home, cradling the youngest ones in their arms.
''I've been with the Fresno Police Department for 25 years, and I've never experienced anything of this nature,'' he said.
Dyer said the victims probably were Wesson's children. ''There may have been some type of ritual involved,'' he said.
Officers were originally called to the scene Friday afternoon for a child custody dispute.
Ten coffins lined a wall inside the home's front room. The bodies were so entangled in a pile of clothing that it took hours for investigators to reach a final count, police said.
The police chief declined to say how the victims died, but the scene was so gruesome some of the first officers into the house were placed on administrative leave and were being counseled Friday night.
Six police chaplains were at the house throughout the evening as detectives continued to gather evidence.
Officers were called to the home Friday afternoon by two women who said a man had their children and would not release them.
The man initially ignored orders to come out, running into a back bedroom as two other women fled the house. They were unharmed.
Police believe the suspect fathered the victims with the four women. They did not identify the women or the victims.
A neighbor, Chris Tognazzini, said he heard two gunshots moments before police arrived.
Dyer said the women who called authorities told them they had given custody of their children to Wesson two years ago and now wanted them back.
The slayings shocked authorities in Fresno, a city of 440,000 about 190 miles southeast of San Francisco. Dyer said the city had seen three murders in the last 2 1/2 months, the fewest number for a 10-week period in more than three decades.
The nine deaths represent the largest mass killing in this San Joaquin Valley city since 1993, when seven people were killed in rural Fresno.
''The only thing we can do now is mourn. We mourn for the kids, we mourn for the police,'' said Mayor Alan Autry. ''We will never be the same again.''
Wesson had a strong influence on his sons, said Florian Tan, who in 2001 took over the martial arts school where three of the sons attended classes.
Each boy had to earn a black belt in aikido in order to leave home when he reached manhood, Tan said.
''They said they had to go through his program,'' which included martial arts training, Tan said. He added that two of the sons, now in their twenties, earned black belts and a teenage boy is still enrolled at the school.
Neighbors who milled around outside said they knew little about Wesson or the house where a large yellow bus was parked in the driveway.
''He never said 'Hi,''' said Linda Morales. ''I'd drive by and he'd make a point to turn his face.''
Another neighbor, Johnny Rios, said that on many nights he heard loud banging coming from the house, as though the people inside were building something.
''There was something up over there,'' Rios said.
Current Mood: Tired, but happy and relaxed.
Wired News: Bush Site Unplugs Poster Tool
The Bush-Cheney presidential campaign disabled features of a tool on its website Thursday that pranksters were using to mock the Republican presidential ticket.
The tool originally let users generate a full-size campaign poster in PDF format, customized with a short slogan of their choice. But Bush critics began using the site to place their own snarky political messages above a Bush-Cheney '04 logo and a disclaimer stating that the poster was paid for by Bush-Cheney '04, Inc...
...At Cox's request, close to 200 Wonkette readers sent in slogans which they had slipped through the system. Among them: "Run for your lives," "They sure smell like old people," and the Orwellian, "A boot stomping on a human face forever."
Cox also published lists of words the tool was allowing and, perhaps more tellingly, those it was not. Not surprisingly, it rejected the usual four-letter words and sexual lingo, but it also banned more innocuous terms like "stupid," "evil," "terrorists" and "Iraq." ...
...It accepts a lot. Including "racist" and "homophobe." Go figure. A partial list of words it won't accept:
The Sifl & Olly Cyberspace Station
Current Mood: Still sick; bored.
Popular Science | BMW's Easter Egg
Earth Erotica - Photography by Heather Firth
BBC NEWS | Science/Nature | Scientists make a butterfly glow
Angry Rant Time: In the form of a conversation I just had with Melissa.
I had planned on writing a long post today, but I feel like crap today, so I don't know how it will turn out.
How to hack a Super Mario Bros cart to erase everything but the clouds
I take back all the nice things I said about Straight Plan for the Gay Man. I previously said I liked this show, but now I hate it. Mainly just because one of the first things they do is get rid of the gay people's books. They say that straight guys don't read books. The only things straight guys read are things like Playboy, and Sports Illustrated. They're like "Whoa, is that a real book he's reading? I'm not sure, I've never actually seen a book before."
New - Virtual Keyboard
I just learned a great new way to say that you vomited. "Shouting soup." I've never heard that one before.
The Binary Circumstance: Martha Stewart Verdict
War On Drugs Clock
I just got back home, after deciding to leave the house for a while and go shopping. Mainly to see if I could find a store somewhere that had that new freq.beats CD I keep seeing advertised on TV. After going to a couple of places, I finally found it. Several of the songs they play in the commercial aren't even on it though, I don't think. Though off the top of my head I can't tell you which ones. All I know is that on the commercial, half the songs they play or mention are songs that I know and love, but on the actual CD, there's only 3 tracks out of 22 that I've heard of. For example, they play some Fatboy Slim song that I like, but it's not even on this CD, the only Fatboy Slim song on the CD is one I've never even heard of. And I thought I'd heard pretty much everything by Fatboy Slim, he's one of my favorite artists.
CNN.com - RNC tells TV stations not to run anti-Bush ads - Mar 6, 2004
Belgium's Sorry claim to fame
BlogPulse [BETA]: Automated Trend Discovery for Weblogs
You know what I really hate? People who write their blogs like they talk in Instant Messages, and use internet shorthand like lol, and, OMG. I'm sure you've probably seen many blogs like that before. I know I have. They usually seem to be written by teenage girls too.
I like Leslie Nielsen movies. Some people I know hate them, but I like them. I just saw about the last 45 minutes of one, I didn't know what it was called until the ending theme song, which was sung by Weird Al Yankovic, and was pretty funny. Turns out it was called Spy Hard. It was pretty funny. At one point, Leslie Nielsen, or, Dick Steele, as his character was called, said this:
From: "Foreshadows Q. Malthus"
Subject: RE:messasge from candyland lets meet tonight salsa
Date: Sun, 07 Mar 2004 00:01:01 -0800
My name is Candy and just got my first webcam...woohoo.yyaa
Im looking to meet some new people and have some fun, will
you come playwith me?
If you must know, I'm 4" 10' slim figure and have a great set ofknoockers,
wanna see me today
THIS is TRUE for 29 February 2004 Copyright www.thisistrue.com
That new Spongebob special wasn't that good. It was ok, but it wasn't as funny as most episodes.
I'm sick again today. I think it's just allergies, but maybe not. My eyes are itchy, and my sinuses are horrible, which seems like allergies. However, I'm also coughing, which I don't usually do when I have allergies, and this morning I felt achy all over and I was just completely out of it, like with the flu. I was so tired and half-unconscious that I kept almost falling asleep and almost falling over at work. By the afternoon I started feeling a little better, but then, after I went home, my sinuses got worse than ever. By dinner-time I couldn't breathe at all, and couldn't taste a thing I was eating. I hate that.
Animals on the Underground
Kick ass! I've just been linked to by Rebecca! Which is seriously exciting. I've been reading her blog everyday for over a year and a half. Her's was the second blog I started reading, the first was Alicia's
Squirrel Squash OH MY GOD! THIS IS THE BEST FLASH GAME EVER! It's kinda like Sonic the Hedgehog, but with a squirrel instead. And the music kicks ass! AND ITS GOT A SQUIRREL!
New Scientist Another story about a potentially world-changing scientific discovery -- desktop fusion.
03.03.2004 - UC Berkeley Researchers Developing Robotic Exoskeleton that can Enhance Human Strength and Endurance
Nerve.com - I Did It for Science: Sex Doll by Grant Stoddard
Red vs Blue
A Glossary of Frequently Misused or Misunderstood Physics Terms and Concepts.
Bush Puts Giant Sequoias on the Chopping Block
I can't beleive I'm saying this, but I actually like this show Straight Plan for the Gay Man, on Comedy Central.
Build your own iPod battery pack
Yes, I realize that this is the godzillionth post I've made today.
growabrain: 2003 First Ever Collection
From Tony Pierce
Monday, March 01, 2004
my true love sent me to an interesting link on yahoo/reuters that says that only 10% of bloggers update every day.
and it says that of internet users only 13% have websites and only 2% have blogs!
tap tap tap
is this thing on?
people of earth wake up and get a damn blog!
they're free you know.
look at me: im not a handsome man. i spout off on shit that people say i dont know anything about. in fact nothing on here is true, allegedly.
and not only has blogging gotten me cold hard cash, but gifts, emails of encouragement from the fellas, and offers of decadence from the ladies.
witness a conversation that took place mere hours ago:
Superhotbeachgirl: hi Tony
dumbass_me: hi baby
Superhotbeachgirl: Do you know Marc Brown?
dumbass_me: very well
Superhotbeachgirl: cause he's coming to florida and wants to meet up
Superhotbeachgirl: you should come with him
dumbass_me: i wish
dumbass_me: marc lives in a sweet loft
dumbass_me: drives a phat car
dumbass_me: owns a great web development company, invented Buzznet
dumbass_me: im just a bum
Superhotbeachgirl: you are not a bum
dumbass_me: whens he gonna be out there?
Superhotbeachgirl: I don't know, this week I think
dumbass_me: if i went out there would you let me put sunscreen on your back?
Superhotbeachgirl: I most deffanitly would, not that i need it, im originally from hawaii
dumbass_me: ive been told i have nice hands
dumbass_me: but those girls are typically drugged when they mumble those things
Superhotbeachgirl: you can take all my college girl stress right away?
why does this girl know me?
why does she want me?
how is marc brown gonna make his fortune?
it's how you get hot chicks if you cant play guitar.
ive told you this over and over. i document it. i take pictures. you see it yourself. and yet i read these sorts of reports all the time. reports that say that blogging is increasing but not skyrocketting.
you all saw ryan perry from gorilla mask launch his blog and wham, madpony kristin went flying out to meet him.
you saw that one chick tell everyone that she was addicted to buying things on her credit card and she needed help paying off her debts. and the whole web gave her money to pay off her debts.
you saw will weaton turn into just another washed up has-been child actor into the blogging star that he is now.
you saw adam curry actually get *respect* from the internet through blogging when being an mtv vj only gave him bucketloads of due shame.
i could go on and on.
blogging will change your life.
it will make it better.
maybe not for all of you, but for most of you.
blogging is an even playing field. you can do it anonymously if you want. you can put your pics all over if you want. you can lie you can tell the truth. you can show up to the party late and take over if you do it right.
tell me one person who isnt interested in reading a good new blog.
it can be you.
you have to update every day, though, unless youre hot like madpony. but even they should update every day.
write, people. write. i Know you have stories to tell.
otherwise dumbshits like me will just swoop into your town with mc brown and scoop up all the white women.
and hawaiian grrrls.
GorillaMask.net: The blog that saved the world from blogs.
T-ShirtsThatSuck.com...the leader in Offensive Apparel...
Alternate Endings to "The Passion of the Christ"
Stairway to Heaven Backwards
Holy Fucking Ouch!
The Gift of Magnetic Vision
I didn't watch the oscars last night, and in fact, I didn't even know they were on last night until they were almost over. I didn't watch them, but I heard about it, and I'm pretty excited. Lord of the Rings: Return of the King won everything it was nominated for (or that's what I heard anyway). What I do know for sure is that it won 11 Oscars, tying it with Titanic, and Ben-Hur for the most Oscars ever won by a single movie. Here's the complete list of who won what: