Strange Things are Afoot at the Circle K.

Monday, September 08, 2003

Things You Learn from Video Games

  • There is no problem that cannot be overcome by force.

  • If it moves, DESTROY IT!

  • Piloting any vehicle is simple and requires no training.

  • One lone "Good Guy" can defeat an infinite number of "Bad Guys."

  • Make sure you eat all food lying on the ground.

  • You can break things and get away with it.

  • You can push other vehicles off the road and get away with it.

  • If someone dies, they disappear.

  • If you get mad enough, you can fight even better.

  • You can overcome most adversaries simply by having enough quarters.

  • You can operate all weapons without training.

  • No matter how long you fight, you can always fight again.

  • Death is reversible (only for you!)

  • Ninjas are common and frequently fight in public.

  • Whenever big fat mean guys are about to croak, they begin flashing red or yellow.

  • You never run out of ammunition, just grenades.

  • All women wear revealing clothes and have great bodies.

  • Shoot everything. If it blows up or dies, it was bad.

  • Don't worry if your vehicle crashes and explodes. A new vehicle will appear in its place.

  • A thousand-to-one odds against you is NOT a problem.