There's a cat that hangs out in our parking lot at work all night. It sleeps in the flower beds, jumps in people's open car windows and prowls around in their cars, and sits out in the parking lot meowing at me. People feed it and stuff, but it pretty much feeds itself on bugs. Every summer we have two or three cats that sit around at night eating the bugs that swarm under the big parking lot lights. Last night the cat was walking through the parking lot, and I was yelling at it. I said "No kitty! Stop assassinating Kennedy! That's a bad kitty!" It just meowed.
This is pretty funny:
Subject: Advantages of Growing Old
From: idrmrsr firstname.lastname@example.org
Date: Wed, Jul 23, 2003 10:29 PM
Yer car is paid off.
Yer house is paid off.
Yer still wearing the same polyester pants you bought in 1984 and nobody
Ya give up the nifty expensive Matrix shades for those fifty cent wrap
around things they hand you out at the eye doctors. And nobody notices.
Ya don't consider it worthwhile to drop a couple C notes for a piece of
ass. If ya do get the urge, just don't take that Viagara and it will
Ya don't have to worry about climbing the corporate ladder. If ya ain't
made it by now, ya ain't gonna.
Yer gonna consider things like lengthy warranties before selecting a
Yer never gonna get yer hair styled or shoes shined or have to put on a
suit except the funeral dude will one last time when you are planted.
Yer main goal in life is simply to stay out of jail. Cuz yer old,
nobody notices you anyhow, which is like the Christian shroud of
invisibility. Ya kin do as ya please, long as nobody notices the smell.
Ya don't have to buy cologne or anything, cuz, the wimmin yer likely to
go out with are old enough to smell like pee themselves, so yer not
likely to git noticed there either.
Ya kin travel all ya want. Nobody misses you and when ya git there,
there's nobody waiting fer ya anyhow. When ya really want ta have a
good time with yer buddies, ya go to the cemetery.
And last, when ya git sos ya cain't hold yer water or move fast enough
ta git to tha potty, they send college kids with hot meals eventually.
Which is swell, cuz, once ya git that old, ya think they're yer own
kids, and that makes ya even happier.