Strange Things are Afoot at the Circle K.

Thursday, August 14, 2003

Seen in a post on the alt.slack newsgroup:

"I froze my Han Solo action figure in a block of ice once so I could do the frozen thing like in the movie. Although I also did the cover Boba Fett (or whatever his bloody name is) in petrol and set him on fire thing, and I don't remember that bit from any of the films."

Also from that same newsgroup:

Subject: unlike Gargoyle, I don't need email for 'very dark' spells...
From: electricwalnut23@yahoo.com (theoneflasehaddock)
Date: Tue, Aug 5, 2003 10:36 PM
Message-id:

this is not for the faint of breath. do not read if easily intimidated
by extraterrestrial hallucinations. please do not use this ritual as
toilet paper. all punctuation and grammer is impersonated... poorly.
Do not attempt this ritual alone, with clothes on, or in a crowded
supermarket. Allow six to eight weeks for delivery. Remember, all
sales are final.


1. prepare a package of lime green jello

2. find a banana

3. shrink the banana by getting it wet and running it through the
dryer

4. chant "shrunken banana, shrub niggurath, lime green jello, yog
sothoth, ctulhu ftaghn

5. dance naked around a fire

6. have sex with something. preferably something of your own species,
and not some kind of overweight rodent that has been fattenned for
months for slaughter, butchering, and cooking. The rodent won't be
used until later.

7. run outside and 'water' a neighbor's shrubbery

8. go eat the lime green jello, while chanting "shrunken banana, shrub
niggurath, lime green jello, yog sothoth, ctulhu ftaghn"

9. call someone on the phone. randomly. Invite them over for naked
dancing, chanting, and a bite of jello. Don't mention the rodent,
because that's just plain sick.

10. Repeat step nine. this time record it, so you can have a good
laugh later on, after you've been rejected yet again. Or, if someone
says yes, invite them over. Anyone willing to dance naked and eat lime
green jello in front of a stranger has got to be quite interesting. Be
sure and give them all the information they need, such as directions
to your house, how to get to the backyard without stepping on the
shrubbery that has been watered, your credit card number, and a phony
name.

11. dance naked with them. shove the jello somewhere interesting, and
lick it off. Be sure and keep the rodent tied up, so that it doesn't
lick the jello off first, unless the person is really ugly, in which
case you should allow the rodent to lick it, while muttering something
about human-rat hybrids that can spray lime green jello out of their
nose when they laugh.

12. Try and persuade them not to call the cops. Offer them the banana.

13. give up on them, and go back to the banana.

14. slowly kill the banana, while posting about it to
rec.miniatures.games.warhammer

15. do some more chanting. Go for a run around the block, naked,
waving the shrunken banana, and chanting.

16. put a sock on the banana, and hang it up to dry

17. as the banana dries, you will have good luck trolling.

18. try and x-post to alt.timothy.sutter, but leave the poor rodent
out of it.

19. take the rest of the jello, smear it on yourself, and then hop
around naked like a frog. try and do this for at least a mile or two.

20. post information on how it went. We'll be ready to read it. We're
all gonna laugh at you.



Well, I was wishing I had something to do today, and now I do. I'm going over to Daniel's house in a couple of hours, and me, him, and another guy from work are gonna play Halo. Today's been a pretty wasted day. First I overslept, it was almost noon before I woke up. Then I went to work to get my paycheck, and ended up being there for about an hour, because the checks hadn't come in yet for some reason. Then I went to Wal-Mart. And now I'm here.

Man, why does it feel so hot in here, the thermometer says it's only 73.

I just downloaded this cool thing that makes it much easier to post links to my website. Now whenever I find a cool site, I just click this button, and it automatically posts a link to that site here.

Well, that's it for now. I'll probably write more later.