Strange Things are Afoot at the Circle K.

Sunday, July 06, 2003

The other day I mentioned one of my favorite books, The Schrodinger's Cat trilogy by Robert Anton Wilson, and typed a passage from it. Here is another cool passage from the same book. The coolest thing about this passage, aside from the obvious, is that it is very similar to the whole Monica Lewinsky scandal, despite the fact that this book was written in the 70's:

In that universe, not just civilization, but all life on Terra, came to a very hideous end in 1984, because the President was constipated one day and made the wrong decision. Their technology was so advanced that half the solar system went nova along with Earth

In the next universe Simon explored, we were saved because a red-haired Tantric Engineer named Babs Lashtal gave the Prez a first-class Grade-A blow job in the Oval Office at 10 A.M., relaxed his tense muscles, pacified his glands, soothed his frustrations and inspired him to act relatively sane for the rest of the day. He did not push the button, thereby preserving millions of species of living forms on Earth, and thousands of microscopic species on Venus.

Babs Lashtal, or course, was regarded with contempt by all right-thinking people, who had no idea that they owed their lives to her skillful extraction of Presidential spermatozoa by means of tender, gentle, gracefully rhythmic kissing, licking, and sucking of the Presidential Wand.

Even if they had known about it, the right-thinking people would still say Babs should be ashamed of herself.

The whole novel was rather didactic, Simon decided. It was written only to prove a point: Never underestimate the importance of a blow job. It had been necessary because the people over there were so ignorant and superstitious they still called Tantric Engineers "whores" and other degrading names.


Yay for books! So yeah, besides being somewhat pornographic, it's also kind of prophetic, bringing to mind Clinton and Lewinsky.


'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds. And remember that there is no tyranny in The State of Confusion.
For further information, consult your pineal gland.
-- Wisdom imparted by Eris unto Omar Ravenhurst and Malaclypse the Younger