Strange Things are Afoot at the Circle K.: July 2003

Wednesday, July 30, 2003

Kick ass, it finally rained. In fact, it was severe thunderstorms, even better. The last I heard there were still over 8,000 people in Norman without power. There were winds of over 100 miles per hour in some places. It wasn't very bad here, it didn't even rain that hard, we got almost an inch though. It hasn't rained here in weeks. Everything is dead. The guy next door waters his lawn every other day, and even his lawn is dead.

I had to train the new girl (Bonita) at work yesterday, but it wasn't that bad. In fact, she was pretty cool. We actually got along with each other, most of the new employees are about half-scared of me. She was also a good worker, she got the hang of things quickly, and seemed very eager to do her job and do it correctly. She kept wanting me to find her more work to do.

Well, I'm gonna go now. I bought "Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic" today and have been playing it for the last several hours. It's really good. More on it some other time.

Jesus paid for our sins - now let's get our money's worth!

Tuesday, July 29, 2003

This is pretty weird. As I mentioned last night, I was looking over my site statistics, seeing where people got to my site from. Surprisingly, about half of the people find my site by searching Google, or some other search engine, for the phrase "Strange Things are Afoot at the Circle K," which is a quote from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. I'm surprised so many people remember that quote and search for it. Reviewing a search for that phrase I was also surprised by how many sites have that name, besides mine. Several other people found my site by searching for phrases along the lines of "I can tell you my love for you will still be strong after the boys of summer are gone." Some people search for some pretty long phrases. That is, of course, part of the lyrics for "Boys of Summer" by the Ataris, and previously by someone else. I posted these lyrics on my site a week or two ago, so when people search for it, my site is one of the first results. Several other people alse found my site by searching for "Egyptian God Yu-Gi-Oh cards for sale," because about a month ago I mentioned that I bought some Egyptian God cards. A couple of other people found my site through a search for "Hysterectomy" because of the post several months ago where I mentioned my mom was going in for surgery. Only one person out of the last hundred got to my site through the link on Alicia's site.

Dammit, I have to get ready for work soon. And I have to train a new girl too. I hate training people, because I'm too shy and nervous around people. What's gonna make it even worse for me is that I've been told she's pretty attractive. I've never seen her before, but that's what one of my coworkers told me last night.

Hmmmm. I'm running out of quotes to put down here.

I was just looking over the statistics for my web page counter thing, and noticed that several people got here through a link from someone else's webpage. I checked out the webpage, and, sure enough, there's a link to my site. Though I've never heard of the person, or their website. I looked it over a little, and it seemed like it might be interesting, so I'm returning the favor, by linking to their website, Zulkey. What's weird is that they were talking about Circle K stores, and the words "Circle K" were linked, not to a website actually about Circle K, but to my site. I'm glad I found this though, now I have some proof that people have seen my site. I mean, I know my counter says I get 60 - 70 hits a week (this week I have over 80 already), but so far I've never heard from any of them, I don't know who any of them are. This site has been up for almost a year, and gets lots of visitors, but so far I've not gotten even one email about it. Email me, dammit!

Reality is what you can get away with.

This is the greatest thing ever. The Duel. A flash movie that starts out with a squirrel and a penguin doing the whole "Dueling Banjos" routine. Then (while dueling banjos continues to play) it changes to scenes of the Dukes of Hazzard in their car chasing some pigs, while they are being chased by the cops. Then it ends with some chickens in Ku Klux Klan hoods around a burning KFC sign, instead of a burning cross.

I just had a horrible thought. Those chickens are probably called the "Ku Clucks Klan." That's a horrible pun, and I have to go hurt myself now.

Preacher: I haven't seen you in church lately.
Woman: Well, there's just so many hypocrites there anymore.
Preacher: Don't worry, there's always room for one more.

Monday, July 28, 2003

Tonight at work, Daniel got a telephone call from his wife, which he later told me about, because it was funny. Here's basically how part of it went:

Olivia: They should reactivate our cell phones sometime in the next few hours now. We just have to pay the bill by Wednesday.
Daniel: Where are you calling from?
Olivia: My cell phone... (pause) Oh yeah! Never mind. I guess they're reactivated already.

I have to train a new person at work tomorrow. I hate training people. I'm training my replacement, basically. Since I'm hopefully getting that prison job very soon.

I feel like a traitor or something. I feel bad about going to work at the prison. I hate the government, and here I am going to be a part of it, and one of the worst parts of it: law enforcement.

Chris Rock is on HBO, he's hilarious.

"Aggression is simply another name for government. Aggression, invasion, government are interchangeable terms. The essence of government is control, or the attempt to control. he who attempts to control another is a governor, an aggressor, an invader; and the nature of such invasion is not changed, whether it be made by one man upon another man, after the manner of the ordinary criminal, or by one man upon all other men, after the manner of an absolute monarch, or by all other men upon one man, after the manner of a modern democracy." -- Benjamin Tucker

This is pretty funny, I got this here . It gives you the form and you can type in whatever you want, instead of "ham."

Do you have a problem with ham? Only you can answer that
question for yourself. However, taking the following quiz may help to
put your relationship to ham in perspective for you. If
you end up answering "yes" to three or more questions, you may want to
take a good look how your life is affected by ham.

1. Have you missed classes or work because of ham?
2. Do you have trouble refusing ham?
3. Do you need ham in order to have fun at a party?
4. Do you use ham to build up your self-confidence?
5. Do you use ham to help you relax?
6. Have you tried to give up ham and failed?
7. Do you crave ham as soon as you wake up?
8. Do you get into trouble because of ham?
9. Do you crave ham at a definite time daily?
10. Do you lie to others about how often you partake of ham?
11. Have you gotten into financial difficulties because of
12. Do you often wish people would just mind their own business about
you and ham?

Remember, there are people who can help you gain a life where you
control ham, instead of ham controlling

Dude, check this out. It's kinda like Paypal, but better:

Oral Sex Donations Accepted

"You can be anything you want the second time around." -- Timothy Leary

Sunday, July 27, 2003

You ever seen those websites that take a web page and make a copy of the page and substitute certain words, and sometimes pictures, for other words? There's one called "" or something like that, that takes the webpage and puts in various religious words, and changes all the pictures to pictures of Jesus. Anyway, I found one the other day that's pretty funny, It takes the web page and inserts various dirty and pornographic words and phrases. It doesn't change the pictures though. Here's part of one of my previous posts after being run through the site:

"If I can ever get done reading Bangs I've got a pecking whole new load of weird books to start reading. Yesterday I bought Quest for Cthulhu, a raiding fiction novel based on the sucking "Cthulhu "Dildo" Mythos" of H.P. Lovecraft, and written by August "Jerkoff" Derleth, Lovecraft's long-time friend and collaborater. So this book is Lovecrat raided, not some of the cheap "Cthulhu "Dickwad" Dripps" rip-offs you see wanks. Balls book will be interesting, but what I'm really cuntlicking forward to is my shipment of books I barfed from They're sex fighted to be here around the banging 29th. They are also strange charvers, but, unlike some of the unclefucking other stuff I read, most of you have probably heard of at least one or two of them, two of them being "classics." Namely, James "Plugin" Joyce's Fucks, and Goethe's Faust. The other one, the one I'm really anxious to read is Fingerfucks "Jerkoff" Rising, by Robert "Superdick" Anton Wilson. Barfs book should provide fodder for blows enters, and not just from me cuntlapping things directly from it."

That's pretty weird.

I love the theme song to "Aqua Teen Hunger Force."

"Hell's too hot; heaven's full of religious people. That's supposed to be a choice?" -- Bumper Sticker

Hey, my counter reads 1666.

Hey Satan!

Wow, I knew I wrote lots of posts, and that they are often pretty long, especially when compared to lots of other blogs I have read, where the average post is one or two sentences, but I just checked, and if I printed out all the posts that are on this page right now, (all the posts from the last seven days) it would take 23 pages.

| Everything in this box is false |

Saturday, July 26, 2003

Mmmm... Devo. I just got done watching "We're All Devo." It's a tape of several of Devo's music videos. Devo rocks. Their videos are really cool too.

I am in an indescribably good mood tonight. Though I am kind of tired.

I kept dreaming about bees last night. I wonder what that means? I dreamt I was wrapped tightly in a blanket that had two or three bees in it. I don't know why, the dream just started like that. I got out of the blanket without being stung, but then later I was just talking on the phone with someone, and a bee landed on my shoulder and stung me. I don't know why I dreamt that, I've never been stung in my life. I don't know if bees symbolize anything in dream interpretation, I've never been much of a fan of that, mainly because my dreams usually don't conform to the images described in dream analysis books. I was looking at one the other day, and it was talking about things like acorns, rivers, a bucket, ducks swimming down a river, things like that. I've never dreamt about any of those things in my life. To me, though, it sounds as if it might symbolize a subconscious fear that though I think I have taken care of current problems that were restricting and binding me, they may come back later to sting me. But that's just my completely uninformed opinion.

Dude, what if they made marijuana scented air-fresheners? I bet those would sell like crazy, if you marketed them to the appropriate audience. They wouldn't get you high, but they'd smell just like marijuana, which would possibly trigger some kind of psychosomatic high if you were a stoner. Or in simpler terms, the smell of marijuana would maybe trick your brain into thinking you were breathing real marijuana fumes, causing you to experience symptoms associated with being high.

I cheated. I was going to force myself into finishing the book I was reading before I started reading Prometheus Rising, but I didn't. The book is divided into two halves, two books, and I stopped after I finished the first one. I'm glad I did though. This book is amazing, and is the reason I'm in such a good mood. It's beyond just a good mood though, it's a sense of well-being. The few chapters of this book I have read already have been amazing, and have already led my brain in new directions, and also helped me understand the root of some of my various psychological problems. I can't recommend this book enough. You really should read it. I wasn't going to give in to my temptation to quote a huge passage from the book, but I just have to. Here's part of one of the most interesting chapters, entitled "The Oral Bio-Survival Circuit."

Any multi-cellular organism must, if it is to survive, contain a hard-wired bio-survival circuit, which very simply programs an either-or choice: GO FORWARD to the nourishing, the protective, or GO BACK, away from the threatening, the predatory.
Any mammal hooks the bio-survival circuit to the first imprinted bio-survival object: the teat. Bio-survival and orality are deeply blended in all mammals, including domesticated primates (humans). This is why, despite the Cancer Terror, an estimated 30,000,000 Americans still smoke cigarettes... Others chew gum, bite their fingernails, gnaw their knuckles, scrunch pencil stubs, eat more than they need. Some chew their lips, gobble tranks and uppers, even munch their mustaches. What goes on in the bedroom is known to the Kinsey Institute and anyone who has seen a porn film.

How important is this oral imprinting? We read of a baby giraffe whose mother was accidentally killed by a jeep immediately after birth. the neonate, following hard-wired genetic programs, "imprinted" the first object that roughly fit the giraffe archetype -- the jeep itself. He followed it, attempted to suckle from it, and, when adult, tried to mate with it.

Similarly, Konrad Lorenz tells of a gosling who accidentally imprinted a ping-pong ball and spent his adult life, indifferent to female geese, attempting to sexually mount ping-pong balls.
As Darwin noted:

"In our maturer years, when an object of vision is presented to us which bears any similitude to the form of the female bosom... we feel a general glow of delight which seems to influence all of our senses..."

The ancients pictured the great mother goddess Diana of Ephesus with literally dozens of breasts, and St. Paul reports hearing her worshippers chanting rapturously "great is Diana!" There is virtually no great artist who has not left us a portrait, or many portraits, of the nude female form, especially the breasts; and even in non-human scenes, curves are introduced wherever possible. Architects break the Euclidean straight line to introduce such curves at the slightest pretext -- arches, Moorish domes, etc. The curves of the suspension bridge are necessitated by Newton's laws ("Gravity's Rainbow," in Pynchon's phrase) but, still, these double caternary curves are esthetically pleasing for the reasons Darwin suggests. As for music -- where did we first hear it, who sang or hummed to us, and against what part of her body were we held?

Mountain climbers are reduced, like Mallory, to saying "Because it's there," when trying to explain their compulsion to ascend those conic peaks.

Our eating utensils (oral gratification tools) tend to be rounded or curved. Square plates or saucers look "campy" or strange.

UFOs come in a variety of shapes, but the most popular are the oval and conic.

"The delusion of one man is neurosis, the delusion of many men is religion." -- Sigmund Freud.

My books came in! Hooray! I can't wait to read Prometheus Rising but I'm making myself finish the book I'm reading now, Quest for Cthulhu, first. Luckily I should be able to finish it in a couple of days. I'm off tomorrow, but I probably wont get to read much tomorrow. I'm gonna have to spend the day filling out forms. I finally heard from the prison about the job I was hoping to get. I go in for a final interview Friday, but before that I have to fill out this big-ass stack of papers. It's like a 15 page application. Then to make it worse, I also today got another one from the other prison building. There's two buildings, there's the prison, and then there's the detention center thing, where prisoners go right after they're arrested, before they get assigned to a specific prison. If I want to apply for both of these places, I have to fill out the 15 page application thing TWICE. Once for each prison. Well, I'm gonna go read some, then go to bed.

Every fact of science was once Damned. Every invention was considered impossible. Every discovery was a nervous shock to some orthodoxy. Every artistic innovation was denounced as fraud and folly. The entire web of culture and "progress," everything on earth that is manmade and not given to us by nature, is the concrete manifestation of some man's refusal to bow to Authority. We would own no more, know no more, and be no more than the first apelike hominid if it were not for the rebellious, the recalcitrant, and the intransigent. As Oscar Wilde truly said, 'Disobedience was man's original virtue.'" -- Hagbard Celine

Wednesday, July 23, 2003

I was, in my opinion, a lucky child. I was lucky enough to be raised in a fairly liberal house. My parents are both democrats, and are pretty open when it comes to religious and political ideals, my dad esepcially. My mom can be a little squeamish on the religious issue, for example she doesn't like it when you guestion the existance of God, but other than that she's pretty open to things like various interpretations of the Bible. My dad, however, likes to watch the Discovery Channel, and TLC, and things like that, he especially likes those "True Stories of the Bible" and things like that. But, religion isn't what I was going to write about, I was going to write about politics, somewhat. Anyway, my parents, well my dad mainly, all my mom really did was agree with him, just had a short political rant, started off by the news stories about Iraq and the killing of Saddam's sons.

He said, "I've been saying it for almost 30 years now, America is the new Soviet Union. The thing that made everyone hate the Soviet Union was the way they went and conquered and policed every country around them. And now what is America doing? We're the Police of the World. Going to all these other countries and fighting, and most of the countries, like Iraq, don't even want us there. Now everyone hates America the way they used to hate the Soviet Union. We've completely switched places with them."

And I agree with him. What gives us the right to police the world? Just because we can, doesn't mean we should. If they ask for our help then it's ok. But we go there wether they want us or not. American troops have suffered more casualties since the war ended than they did during the war in Iraq, from Iraqis who just don't want us there, and wish we'd get the hell out. Supposedly we went there because Iraq was dangerous to us, they had weapons of mass destruction, but we have yet to find any, and now they say they may have acted on faulty information. There never were any WMD. The whole reason behind this war was OIL, as many people have said before me. It's simple, President George II wanted America to have all the oil for itself, so he (or most likely someone else, since he isn't smart enough to do this himself) has them create this "intelligence" that says that Saddam has WMD, so we can go over there and take over the country.

And this new shit in Liberia? Why are we even over there? It's their own problem, let them fight their own fight. People will say "but they shelled our embassy, killed 600 people, we have to fight them now." The only reason they shelled our embassy is because we started it, we've been threatening them for the last few weeks, telling them to stop all their fighting or we'll come over there and kick some ass. It was simple retaliation. We shouldn't have stuck our nose where it doesnt belong. Others say that we have to help them in their fight because the founders of Liberia (whose name comes from the word "Liberty") were all ex-American slaves who went back to Africa, and all the people there now are descendants of those ex-Americans, and so we have to help them. No we don't. They aren't Americans anymore. Most of the people who live there now have never even been to America. The founders of the country left America, they didn't want to have anything to do with us, they were trying to get away from us, they didn't like us (which is understandable considering the way they were treated). They are not our responsibility anymore.

I never know how to end these posts. So I will just stop.

We play our roles like poor lost souls

Here's a really cool song I found online, it's an old English folk song. I had to transcribe the lyrics myself, and there was one part where I couldn't make out what one word was, but they are still some really cool lyrics. You can listen to the song with Real Player by clicking here.

Bound for Van Dieman's Land

I'll ne'er forget when first we met
The years were long and lean
A war did rage upon the stage
And the ships sailed on the sea

It's true to say life's but a play
you play that's been well-planned
We play our roles like poor lost souls
Bound for Van Dieman's Land

Bound for Van Dieman's Land brave boys
Far, far across the sea
If you don't stand with cap in hand
Transported you will be

And as we sail blows wild the gale
Dark shadows guard the grill
They try in vain our minds to chain
Our thoughts of freedom kill

And as we sulk in convict ----------
Shackled feet and hand
But men be free who poachers be
Bound for Van Dieman's Land

Bound for Van Dieman's Land brave boys
Far, far across the sea
If you don't stand with cap in hand
Transported you will be

In East or West, man's but a jest
For freedom's free for all
You're free to die, but don't ask why
When blows the bugle call

Their heartless lips, build convict ships
With Blye still in command
Their ships today still plow their way
Bound for Van Dieman's Land

Bound for Van Dieman's Land brave boys
Far, far across the sea
If you don't stand with cap in hand
Transported you will be

"Conversion... consists of pounding one's own words into a man's ears until they start coming out of his mouth." -- The Dealy Lama.

Tuesday, July 22, 2003

I get a "word of the day" email list, and today's word is extremely cool. I love this word. I must find a way to use it in a story or something.

MacGuffin \muh-GUH-fin\ noun
: an object, event, or character in a film or story that
serves to set and keep the plot in motion despite usually
lacking intrinsic importance

Example sentence:
The missing document is the MacGuffin that sends the two
spies off on an action-packed race around the world, but the
real story centers on tension between the main characters.

Did you know?
The first person to use "MacGuffin" as a word for a plot
device was Alfred Hitchcock. He borrowed it from an old shaggy-
dog story in which some passengers on a train interrogate a
fellow passenger carrying a large, strange-looking package. The
fellow says the package contains a "MacGuffin," which, he
explains, is used to catch tigers in the Scottish Highlands.
When the group protests that there are no tigers in the
Highlands, the passenger replies, "Well, then, this must not be
a MacGuffin." Hitchcock apparently appreciated the way the
mysterious package keeps the audience's attention and builds
suspense. He recognized that an audience anticipating a solution
to a mystery will continue to follow the story even if the
initial interest-grabber turns out to be irrelevant.

Dude, check this out. Is this scary, or what? OctoDog

If I can ever get done reading Illuminatus I've got a whole new load of weird books to start reading. Yesterday I bought Quest for Cthulhu, a fiction novel based on the "Cthulhu Mythos" of H.P. Lovecraft, and written by August Derleth, Lovecraft's long-time friend and collaborater. So this book is Lovecrat approved, not some of the cheap "Cthulhu Mythos" rip-offs you see nowadays. This book will be interesting, but what I'm really looking forward to is my shipment of books I ordered from They're supposed to be here around the 29th. They are also strange books, but, unlike some of the other stuff I read, most of you have probably heard of at least one or two of them, two of them being "classics." Namely, James Joyce's Ulysses, and Goethe's Faust. The other one, the one I'm really anxious to read is Prometheus Rising, by Robert Anton Wilson. This book should provide fodder for countless posts, and not just from me copying things directly from it.

Speaking of copying things directly from R.A.W. books, check this out:

"The most thoroughly and relentlessly Damned, banned, excluded, condemned, forbidden, ostracized, ignored, suppressed, repressed, robbed, brutalized and defamed of all Damned Things is the individual human being. The social engineers, statisticians, psychologists, sociologists, market researchers, landlords, bureaucrats, captains of industry, bankers, governors, commissars, kings and presidents are perpetually forcing this Damned Thing into carefully prepared blueprints and perpetually irritated that the Damned Thing will not fit into the slot assigned to it. The theologians call it a sinner and try to reform it. The governor calls it a criminal and tries to punish it. The psychotherapist calls it a neurotic and tries to cure it. Still, the Damned Thing will not fit into their slots." -- Never Whistle While You're Pissing, by Hagbard Celine, H.M., S.H.

Well, I'm gonna go read some more, I hope to finish this book in a day or two.

"People snapped after September 11th,
and the leader of the snap was Jerry Falwell.
Jerry Falwell was crazy before, and if you did
not know that, I'd like you to wear aluminum foil
so we KNOW WHO YOU ARE!" -- Lewis Black

Monday, July 21, 2003

Here are some cool websites I've been browsing recently.

The Billboard Liberation Front -- A group that has existed since 1977, they alter billboards to either make them more truthful, or to convey some sort of message, usually with amusing results. Their site also features an extensive "how-to" guide, on how to do this yourself, covering every aspect, from how to pick a target, how to go about changing it, and where to get the materials.

The Robert Anton Wilson Home Page -- A funny site, with lots of different articles and stories. Check out the article on food products with naughty sounding names.

"If there is no struggle, there is no progress. Those who profess to favour freedom and yet depreciate agitation, want crops without ploughing up the ground, they want rain without thunder and lightning. They want the ocean without the awful roar of the waters." -- Frederick Douglass

Here's an even better article about Emperor Norton, from

Joshua Abraham Norton, America's first and only Emperor, was born in London, England on February 14, 1819. Details of his early life are rather sketchy--almost all that's really known is that his family moved to Algoa Bay in South Africa during his infancy, where his father prospered as a merchant. It isn't until his arrival in San Francisco aboard the Dutch schooner Franzika in 1849 that the record begins to fill in. Norton came to America with a nest egg of thirty thousand dollars, with which he opened a business selling supplies to gold miners, and set about buying up the land that would eventually become San Francisco's Cow Hollow district.

By 1855, Norton was one of the most respected businessmen in San Francisco, having rebounded from the fire of 1853 and profitably diversified his operations. Already his friends were referring to him as "Emperor." It was at this time that he hit on the bold idea of attempting to corner San Francisco's rice market--the city's large immigrant Chinese population providing a captive and hungry market, at a time when the only way rice (or almost anything else) arrived was aboard cargo steamships. Investors were quick to sign on, and in a matter of days Norton owned, practically speaking, all the rice in San Francisco. For the first few days it looked like yet another daring success for the Emperor, when two ships, well ahead of schedule and brimming with rice, steamed lazily through the Golden Gate. One shipment he might have been able to buy up as well; two was a backbreaker, and in a matter of minutes Norton was ruined.

He spent the next three years in court, and emerged penniless in 1858. Packing together his meager belongings, Norton disappeared for about nine months; no record tells where he went. He returned suddenly in the late summer of 1859, proudly walking the streets in a beaver hat and naval regalia, arguably mad. By September, Emperor Norton was no longer able to contain his secret. He walked into the offices of the San Francisco Bulletin and presented them with this single sentence, which they ran on the next edition's front page:

At the peremptory request of a large majority of the citizens of these United States, I, Joshua Norton, formerly of Algoa Bay, Cape of Good Hope, and now for the past nine years and ten months of San Francisco, California, declare and proclaim myself Emperor of these U. S., and in virtue of the authority thereby in me vested do hereby order and direct the representatives of the different States of the Union to assemble in Musical Hall of this city, on the 1st day of February next, then and there to make such alterations in the existing laws of the Union as may ameliorate the evils under which the country is laboring, and thereby cause confidence to exist, both at home and abroad, in our stability and integrity.
Norton I
Emperor of the United States
September 17, 1859

That day people on the streets began greeting Norton with deep bows and curtsies. The tacit public acceptance was immediate and profound, and San Francisco had a wise and caring monarch to reign over its gilded age.

Norton I ruled by proclamation, and it didn't seem to faze him if not all his edicts were carried out. If taxes or water rates were too high, he commanded that they be lowered; if there were inadequacies in city services, he ordered improvements. On the eve of the Civil War he temporarily dissolved the Union, and after the Prussian victory in 1872, he ordered a week of continuous celebration and thanksgiving. Bay Area newspapers competed for the honor of posting his proclamations, and more than once they devised fakes to generate sales and interest, a practice against which the Emperor railed angrily.

Few monarchs ever had Norton's common touch; he abjured seclusion and luxury. He attended every public function or meeting, always arriving by foot or bicycle rather than coach, and performed daily rounds of his capital's streets, making sure the police were on their beats, and that cleanliness, harmony and order prevailed. If he noticed someone performing some kind act or other, he might spontaneously ennoble them, from which practice the expression "Queen for a day" was obtained. The titles were especially popular with children, who would follow him in groups, looking everywhere for litter to pick up or old ladies to help across the street.

Norton's personal expenses were few. He ate free of charge at whatever restaurant suited him, had three seats reserved for him at every theatrical performance (one for himself and one each for his famously well-behaved dogs, Bummer and Lazarus); the city itself actually paid for his uniforms and the local Masonic Lodge paid for his small apartment. Nonetheless, whenever necessary, Norton had his own currency printed, which was accepted everywhere without question--at at time when U. S. paper money was still regarded with distrust in California. He also had the option of levying taxes, for which his normal procedure was to walk into the offices of an old business friend and politely announce an imperial assessment of ten million or so dollars, but could quickly be talked down to two or three, or perhaps a cigar, with which he would walk out entirely satisfied.

Still though, this isn't really legal, and feelings towards Norton I amongst the police were rather mixed. In January of 1867, in fact, he was arrested by an overzealous policeman "to be confined for treatment of a mental disorder," and held at the police station pending a hearing. The public outrage was immediate; every newspaper editorial denounced the action, and there was the real possibility of a riot. Chief of Police Patrick Crowley himself opened the cell doors, and issued a lengthy public apology to the Emperor. Norton was magnanimous about the whole affair, and from then on his relations with the police became much more congenial. He led their annual parades and inspected the new cadets; members of what he now called his Imperial Constabulary saluted him when he passed.

Norton I was a great believer in progress and innovation, and many of the ideas for which he was sometimes regarded as mad have become realities. He issued numerous proclamations proposing and then finally commanding the construction of a suspension bridge linking San Francisco and Oakland, complete with his own design sketches. His planned San Francisco terminus is within a block of where the Bay Bridge abuts now, and a plaque on it bears testimony to his foresight. He was also convinced that travel by air would one day become common, and commissioned panels of researchers and designers to create plans for airships.

The historical twilight of monarchy was gathering, however, and Norton made it part of his mission to restore whatever luster he could to it. He sent frequent cables to fellow rulers, offering surprisingly well-informed advice, or reflecting on the complex responsibilities of rulership. Many of the responses he got were in fact forgeries, created by his friends to make him happy, but many were not. King Kamehameha of Hawaii (known then as the Sandwich Isles) was so taken with the Emperor's insight and understanding that towards the end of his life he refused to recognize the U. S. State Department, saying he would deal only with representatives of the Empire.

Norton I died quite suddenly of apoplexy, on January 8, 1880, on the corner of California and Grant, on his way to a scientific conference. He left no heir. San Francisco went into a period of deep mourning for three days. Ten thousand people, from every walk of life, lined up to view his mortal remains; his funeral cortege was two miles long. At 2:39 that day, during his funeral, San Francisco experienced a total eclipse of the sun. Fifty-four years later, Norton's coffin was reinterred at Woodlawn Cemetery in Colma--once again, flags throughout the city were lowered and businesses closed their doors. About sixty thousand people attended the ceremony, which was accompanied by full military honors and dolorous taps.

Greater Poop: Is Eris true?
Malaclyspe the Younger: Everything is true.
GP: Even false things?
M2: Even false things are true.
GP: How can that be?
M2: I don't know man, I didn't do it.
-- Excerpt from an interview of Malaclyspe the Younger by Pope Poop.


Norton I, Dei Gratia, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico, being desirous of allaying the dissensions of party strife now existing within our realm, do hereby dissolve and abolish the Democratic and Republican parties, and also do hereby decree disfranchisement and imprisonment, for not more than ten nor less than five years, to all persons leading to any violation of this imperial decree.

Norton I.
Given at San Fransisco, Cal., this 12th day of August, A.D. 1869

Who was Emperor Norton?

From "Illuminatus" by Robert Anton Wilson: "Joshua Norton, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico. San Francisco is proud of him. He lived in the last century and got to be emperor by proclaiming himself as such. For some mysterious reason, the newspapers decided to humor him and printed his proclamations. When he started issuing his own money, the local banks went along with the joke and accepted it on par with U.S. currency. When vigilanties got into a lynching mood one night and decided to go down to Chinatown and kill some Chinese, Emperor Norton stopped them just by standing in the street with his eyes closed reciting the Lord's Prayer."

From :
1819 - Born in London, England on February 14 to John and Sarah Norton [John and Sarah married at Epping Essex u.k. June 30, 1793 and immigrated to S.Africa in 1820. Had two sons--Philip and Joshua - Source: Jos Driver, a decendent of Philip Norton]

1849 - Arrived in San Francisco from South Africa with US$40,000

1854 - Lost the considerable fortune he had built up in real-estate speculation by trying to corner the rice market in San Francisco

1859 September 17 - Issued the first of his now famous proclamations by proclaiming himself the Emperor of the United States

Proclamations - He continued to make proclamations throughout his reign. These included commanding that the Golden Gate bridge be built and one about the name of the city, "Whoever after due and proper warning shall be heard to utter the abdominal word 'Frisco,' which has no linguistic or other warrant, shall be deemed guilty of a High Misdemeanor." Penalty for noncompliance was $25. Newspapers of the day printed his proclamations (and even made some up which were not from Norton!)

Many of the "decrees" attributed to Norton I were fakes; written in jest by newspaper editors at the time for amusement, or for political purposes. Those "decrees" listed here were, we believe, actually issued by Norton. - Norton I, Emperor of the United States []

Norton Notes - In order to pay his bills he issued paper notes, mostly in 50 cent denominations but some $5 and $10 notes exist. Today they are worth far more than the face value (if they can be found).

Politics - In 1869 he abolished both the Democratic and Republican parties, declaring "Being desirous of allaying the dissension's of party strife now existing within our realm, [I] do hereby dissolve and abolish the Democratic and Republican parties, and also do hereby degree the disfranchisement and imprisonment, for not more than ten, nor less than five years, to all persons leading to any violation of this our imperial decree." --San Francisco Herald, August 4, 1869

Another time he called upon the other leaders of the world to join him in forming a League of Nations where disputes between nations could be resolved peacefully.

1880 - Died January 8, on California St. On January 10, he was buried in the Masonic Cemetery. The funeral cortege was two miles long - Between 10,000 and 30,000 people were reported to have attended. See: Le Roi Est Mort

1934 - Grave moved to Colma Cemetery.

During his daily patrol of the streets of San Francisco Norton made certain that all sidewalks were unobstructed. He reviewed the police to see that they were on duty. He checked on the progress of needed street repairs, inspected buildings under construction, and in general saw to it that all office city's ordinances were enforced.

"During one of the typical anti-Chinese demonstrations so common at the time, the emperor gave the local populace a lesson in the practical application of civics - and prayer. Sensing the dangerously heated tone of one particular meeting, Norton is reported to have stood up before the group, bowed his head and begun reciting the Lord's Prayer. within a few minutes the agitators retreated in shame without putting any of their threats into cruel action." (Source: temporarily unavailable. )

sightings ...

  • The King in Mark Twain's Huckleberry Finn is reportedly modeled from the character of Norton I. Also mentioned in The Barbary Coast by Herbert Asbury and The Wrecker by Robert Louis Stevenson
  • The Principia Discordia - JOSHUA NORTON CABAL - Surrealists, Harlequinists, Absurdists and Zonked Artists Melee
  • A patron saint of the Cacophony Society
  • Discordian Saint Second Class - being Saints who, by their existence, are ineligible for higher levels of Sainthood, which are reserved for nonexistent saints.- Discordian Saints
  • Emperor Norton is the subject of the story _Sandman: Three Septembers and a January_, by Neil Gaiman. Historical fact in this story comes from Herbert Asbury's _The Barbary Coast_ and William Drury's _Norton I, Emperor of the United States_. It was inspired by Catherine Caufield's The Emperor of the United States of America and Other Magnificent British Eccentrics. - The Annotated Sandman
  • The Madness of Joshua Norton by Joel GAzis-SAx ... The members of E. Clampus Vitus come to Colma every year to rededicate themselves to absurdity. "If it is absurd, I believe it" is the Clamper motto.
  • Clampers toast Emperor Norton History buffs honor lunatic of old-time San Francisco - by Matthew B. Stannard, SF Chronicle, January 13, 2002 ... And for much of their existence -- at least since the society's rebirth in the 1930s -- the Clamper year has unofficially begun with a pilgrimage to the grave of the Emperor Norton I, held around the date of his death, Jan. 8.
  • about > emperor norton [at / Emperor Norton Records]

"Gentlemen! You can't fight in here, this is the War Room!" -- President Merkin Muffley in Dr. Strangelove

Sunday, July 20, 2003

From Discovery Channel online:

Female Anatomy Inspired Stonehenge?
By Jennifer Viegas, Discovery News

Feb. 28, 2003 —The design of Stonehenge, the 4,800-year-old monument in southwestern England, was based on female sexual anatomy, according to a paper in the current Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine.

The theory could explain why the ancients constructed Stonehenge and similar monuments throughout the United Kingdom.

Anthony Perks, a professor emeritus of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of British Colombia in Vancouver, and a doctor at the university's Women's Hospital, first thought of Stonehenge's connection to women after noticing how some of the stones were smooth, while others were left rough.

"It must have taken enormous effort to smooth the stones," Perks, co-author of the journal paper, told Discovery News.

Thinking how estrogen causes a woman's skin to be smoother than a man's, the observation led Perks to further analyze the monument in anatomical terms.

He noticed how the inner stone trilithons were arranged in a more elliptical, or egg-shaped, pattern than a true circle. Comparing the layout with the shape of female sexual organs showed surprising parallels.

Perks believes the labia majora could be represented by the outer stone circle and possibly the outer mound, with the inner circle serving as the labia minora, the altar stone as the clitoris and the empty geometric center outlined by bluestones representing the birth canal.

In support of the theory, the body of a sacrificial child was found buried at the center of the circles at nearby Woodhenge, suggesting both monuments followed similar layouts. Perks even speculates a child's body might lie buried at the center of Stonehenge.

Unlike other mounds in the U.K., very few burials are located around Stonehenge.

"I believe it was meant to be a place of life, not death," said Perks, who thinks Stonehenge overall represents an Earth Mother goddess.

He explained that both western Neolithic cultures and the early Celts believed in such a goddess. Hundreds of figurines representing the idea of an Earth Mother, he said, have been found in Europe. They were created at a time when mortality at birth was high, suggesting Stonehenge could have been used for fertility ceremonies, which may have linked human birth to the birth of plants and animals upon which the people depended.

John David North, professor of philosophy emeritus at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands, outlines another theory in his book "Stonehenge: A New Interpretation of Prehistoric Man and the Cosmos." North believes the stones in the monument have precise alignments to stars in the cosmos and that Stonehenge served as an astronomical observatory and a celestial map.

While Perks acknowledges the celestial link, he views it in a different light.

"At Stonehenge you see an arc of sky together with Earth on that open Salisbury Plain," Perks said. "It is as though Father Sun is meeting Earth Mother in an equal way at a place looking towards the future.

"Vi veri vniversum vivus vici" = "By the force of truth I have conquered the universe." -- Aleister Crowley

I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)
by The Proclaimers

When I wake up, well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you.
When I go out, yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you.

If I get drunk, well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you.
If I haver, yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's havering to you.

But I would walk 500 miles
An' I would walk 500 more
Just to be that man who walks a thousand miles
To fall down at your door.

When I'm working, yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's working hard for you.
When the money comes in for the work I do
I'll pass almost every penny on to you.

When I come home, oh I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you.
If I grow old, well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's growing old with you.


When I'm lonely, well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's lonely without you.
An' when I'm dreaming, well I know I'm gonna dream
I'm gonna dream about the time when I'm with you.

When I go out, well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you.
An' when I come home, yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who comes back home with you.

I'm gonna be the man who's coming home...with you!

I have nothing to write about! All I've done the last three days is work. And nothing much has happened there, except one of the managers went on break and never came back, so he no longer works for us. I'm off the next two days (Sunday and Monday). I can already tell I'm gonna be bored. I can't think of anything to do on my two days off, so I guess I'll probably spend them like usual, sitting around the house and reading and stuff. Though I don't want to, I wish I had something to do. Maybe I'll go to the movies. Maybe I'll go see Johnny English or something. Too bad Alicia probably doesn't want to go too. I've hardly seen her or even talked to her online since Wednesday. I'd really like to talk to her, in person.

Oh! This is so great! Mac has got this thing now where you can legally download MP3's for 99 cents a song now, and anyway, I just downloaded one of my most favorite songs ever! I've been wishing I had a recording of this song for years! It's that song "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" by The Proclaimers. That one that about "I would walk 500 miles, and I would walk 500 more..." I love this song! Seriously, this is possibly my most favorite song of all time.

Well, like I said, I don't really have anything much to write about, and it's 2:00 AM, so I'm gonna go to bed now, or something.

"There ain't no justice, just us."

Friday, July 18, 2003

Here's another one of those "about you" quiz thingies. I got this one from Alicia too.

01.Name: Kevin
02.Gender: Male, last time I checked, which was, uhh, just now.
03.AKA: I have no nicknames, other than what people may call me behind my back. Actually, I have been called Kevvy by several people.
04.Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius
05.Birth date: December 19th
06.Height: I'm not exactly sure, every time I'm measured it's different. I'm somewhere around 5' 11" or 6 foot.


07.Quote: Uhhh, I don't know. I like quotes, way too many of them to pick one.
08.Color: White, Black, Gray. And don't even say that those aren't real colors. I hate it when people tell me that.
09.Color to wear: Same as above colors.
10.Number: 666, 42, 23.
11.Piece of clothing: I hate clothes. I like whatever I can find that actually fits and looks halfway decent


12.How many people have you slept with: 1
13.Do you have b/f or g/f: No, I wish I did. A girlfriend, anyway.
14.Sexuality: Mmmmm...breasts. I like tits, and vaginas.
15.Your sexiest feature: I don't know what anyone else thinks, but I think it's my face. I have a pretty good looking face, and it's not fat like the rest of me. I've had several people comment on my eyes, they usually say they are very intense. One girl called them "bedroom eyes" once.
16.Largest age difference between you and a partner: I forget how old she was. I think she was 18, maybe 19, but I'm pretty sure it was 18. I was 22 at the time, so that would have been a difference of 4 or 3 years. It's been over a year since I had sex.

*Last Time You*

17.Showered: I shower every day. I showered before I went to work today.
18.Danced: This is very sad, but I've never danced in my life.
19.Smiled: I forgot how to smile. I don't smile very often, and can't smile when I try to, but I smile sometimes, usually when I laugh. The last time I smiled was probably Wednesday when me Alicia went to the movies.
20.Laughed: A few minutes ago. call: If you don't count tele-marketers, it's been almost 2 months since I talked to anyone on the phone.
22.Who was it: My mom, when I was living at Daniel's.

*Which is Better*

23.Sunrise or Sunset?: Sunset
24.Sweet or Sour?: Hmmm, I like both.
25.Old or New?: Depends on what you're talking about. I like my cars newish, and I only buy new clothes, but they are better once they get worn in. I don't like buying anything used.
26.Hot or cold?: Cold. I'd much rather be cold than hot. To me it's too hot outside when it gets above 60 degrees. I like it when it's in the 40's or 50's and I can wear a coat.
27.Coke or Pepsi?: Coke, though I like Pepsi too, but I like Coke much more.
28.Soft or Hard?: Ummmmm....what?
29.Yesterday or Tomorrow?: Tomorrow
30.Red or Blue?: Blue
31.Fast or Slow?: What are you talking about? Driving? Sex? What?
32.Blind or Deaf?: I'd rather be deaf.
33.Open or Closed?: Seriously, I have no idea what the hell you're talking about.
34.Bath or Shower?: Shower. I haven't taken a bath in at least ten years. I've been wanting to though.
35.Black or White?: Black
36.Ocean or Forest?: Forest. I love the forest. I grew up playing in the forest. I used to be like an elf or something. I've only seen the ocean once, and that was just San Francisco Bay, it wasn't the big, wide ocean or anything. I've never been to a beach.
37.Dogs or Cats?: Dogs, though I really like cats too. But dogs are more fun.
38.Day or Night?: Night
39.Cremation or Burial?: Burial. Though I'd really like to be cremated and have my ashes strewn through space. But I'm just afraid I'm going to need my body or something, that's why I also won't donate any organs.
40.Even or Odd?: What the hell? Who cares. I don't.
41.City or Countryside?: Well, I'm really sick of living in rural areas, I really want to live in a big city, but I also love the countryside and forests and stuff.
42.Vanilla or Chocolate?: Chocolate
43.Sun or Rain?: Violent Thunderstorms
44.Pen or Pencil?: Pen
45.Summer or Winter?: Winter
46.Destiny or Choice?: Choice
47.Alone or Together?: I really like to be alone, but not all the time. I've spent my whole life alone most of the time, and I'm really sick of it. I'd really like to spend more time with people.
48.Silver or Gold?: Gold, just because it's more valuable.

*Yes or No*

49.You keep a diary: This blog could be considered a diary, I guess.
50.You sketch or do things while on the phone: Once again, I hardly ever use the phone. And when I do use the phone, no, I don't doodle or anything.
51.You have a secret: God, yes. My whole life has been spent keeping secrets. Not that I want to, it's just that I can't tell people the things I want to tell them.
52.You snore: I honestly have no idea, since I sleep alone.
53.You procrastinate: Yes
54.You fold your underwear: Yes
55.You talk in your sleep: Once again, I have no idea. Not that I know of.
56.You eat fast: Yes
57.When the alarm goes off you immediately get up: I usually set my alarm for an hour or two ahead of when I want to get up, and when it goes off, I set it for the next hour, then I get up when it goes off the next time.. The main reason I do this is because I always seem to have the best, most vivid dreams when I go back to sleep after waking up.
58.You enjoy being photographed: Not really. I haven't really been photographed enough to know. Pretty much the only pictures of me that exist are school photos or baby pictures.
59.Birthstone: I don't know. I think it's aquamarine, or something like that. It's blue, is all I know. Does birthstone go by what month you're born in, or does it go by zodiac sign? If it's by sign, I guess my stone is Topaz, because that's what Alicia's is, and we are the same sign. But I didn't think that's what mine was. I don't know.
60.Right or Left Handed?: Right
61.Spouse or significant other: No
62.Parents -- married, divorced: Married.
63.Hobbies: Lots of reading, writing when I can - which isn't as much as I'd like, more reading, surfing the internet, video games, tv, movies, blah blah blah.
64.Eating Habits: I eat kind of a lot. And I eat lots of junk food.
65.Favorite candy: I don't eat much candy, usually candy bars when I do.
66.Favorite ice cream: I haven't really tried that many kinds. Probably either German Chocolate, Cookies and Cream, or Cherries and Cream, or whatever it's called.

Hygiene Habits*

67.Shampoo used: Usually Flex or Pert.
68.Conditioner used: I usually don't use conditioner, though I sometimes use Pert, which is shampoo and conditioner in one.
69.Styling products used: None at all. I just wash my hair and comb it.
70.Deodorant brand and scent: Some deodorants make me break out after I use them for a few weeks. I usually use Arrid, right now I'm using Right Guard XTreme Sport Power Stripe (man, that's a long name). It works pretty good, and I'm not allergic to it.
71.Sing in the shower or not?: If there's no one else in the house. Which is almost never. I've never let anyone hear me sing.
72.Dress Habits: What the hell does that mean? I hate fashion, I don't care what's in. I couldn't wear it even if I did know, it wouldn't fit me. I buy whatever fits. Right now all my outfits are khakis and t-shirts. Almost all my clothes come from Wal-Mart. Well, lots of the shirts are from Hot-Topic.
73.Dress style: I don't know, I guess my answer for the above question should have went here. But then what does that question mean?


74.Assuming you have one, what's sitting on your computer monitor: Nothing. I have a flat screen LCD monitor, things can't sit on top of it.
75.Do you collect anything?: Not really. I guess I collect Yu-Gi-Oh cards, though not really, I'm not a collector as in knowing what they're all worth, or if they're rare or not. I don't really "collect" anything, but I hate throwing things away, I keep everything. I own lots of books, I guess that could be a collection. Though "collection" often implies some kind of theme. Such as collecting old books, or something like that. I just have a large library.
76.When you're jotting down notes, do you print or write?: When I write things I usually print, but if I'm having to take notes, and having to write really fast, I usually write, because it's faster.
77.When you doodle, what do you draw?: I usually just draw lines, connected at random places and angles, to see if any picture emerges.

Peace won't come by words alone.

One of my favorite bands is Chumbawamba. They're the band that did that "Tubthumping" song that was so popular. But if that's the only song you've ever heard by them, you're really missing out, and you don't know what Cumbawamba is. That song is NOT very representitive of their usual musical style. There's a reason that that is pretty much the only Chumbawamba song that's ever been played on the U.S. radio. The only one I've ever heard, anyway. The reason is that their music is very political. They are anarchists, and their music usually reflects this. It is usually anti-government, but they are from England, so it's usually things to do with English politics, which is another reason they aren't very popular in America. The Tubthumper album as a whole wasn't very good for Chumbawamba, I really suggest you give their album, "WYSIWYG," or the album "Readymades" a listen. All their songs have a meaning, they are usually based on a certain event. The liner notes of their CDs usually feature not just the lyrics, but also essays on the meaning of the song. WYSIWYG featured an essay ranging from a few sentences to two or three paragraphs for each song. Readymades was a little more restrained, having only a sentence or two for each song. On both albums the essays made for pretty good reading, if you're into that kind of thing. Here are a few of my favorites from the album Readymades.

Salt Fare, North Sea -- The British Navy, guardian of the seabound British establishment, almost became its destroyer when sailors demanded rights in the mutinies at Spithead and the Nore in 1797. Sailors were always the archetypal enemy within; the word strike comes from militant sailors’ tendency to strike the sails when warring with the Admiralty.

Jacob's Ladder -- Political expediency versus class; Winston Churchill let 1591 ordinary sailors drown after their ships were sunk off the coast of Norway in WW2 by German battle cruisers. Churchill thought a rescue attempt might have alerted the Germans to the evacuation of the Norwegian royal family, so ordered ships in the area to abandon the drowning men. Today’s footnote would be the sinking of the Russian Kursk submarine; sailors drowned as President Putin put national pride before the need to call in foreign rescue teams.

Don't Try This at Home -- The global anti-capitalist movement reaches back to the late eighteenth century. In the back alleys of history, insurrection, like the common cold, spread quickly, inspired by the French and American revolutions: as the Sans Culottes garotted, British conspirators plotted.

Don't Pass Go -- In 1986 Satpal Ram defended himself against a racist attack and his attacker died. Although he's served longer than his original sentence he's still locked up, still refusing the role of repentant convict, still maintaining that self-defence is a legitimate response to racism.

One Way or the Other -- In 1986 Satpal Ram defended himself against a racist attack and his attacker died. Although he's served longer than his original sentence he's still locked up, still refusing the role of repentant convict, still maintaining that self-defence is a legitimate response to racism.

Sewing Up Crap -- The Factory Act of 1892 outlawed child labour. Behind the modern glass and chrome shopfronts of present-day capitalism are invisible sweatshops stitch-stitch-stitching the profits together; sweatshops employing child labour.

This song ends with a vocal sample of a small child singing an old traditional english song about the harsh realities of child labor. The effect is very moving. The lyrics to this part are:

"One up the chimney goes
Two hawks a tray of matches
Three braves the weaving floor
All pray for the life of Four

Five down the pit descends
Six ploughs in fields and meadows
Seven spins the handloom round
Eight lies in th’ burial ground"

After Shelley -- During the Irish potato famine of 1845, London’s Parliament decided who would eat and who would not; as over a million people starved to death, Irish crops were being exported to England. And now? Over twelve million children will die of poverty-related illness in 2002. Words based on a poem by Shelley.

Without Rhyme or Reason (The Killing of Harry Stanley) -- On September 22 1999, an unarmed Harry Stanley was walking home when he was shot dead by an armed police response unit. Someone had rung the cops claiming that “a man with an Irish accent” - Harry was Scottish - was carrying “a sawn-off shotgun in a plastic bag” - the bag contained a table leg which needed mending. Harry’s family are still pursuing the case.

This is my favorite song of the album. I really love the vocal sample it opens with. An English man says, "It is a great thing that we have an unarmed police force in this country. It is perhaps an even greater thing that a force that is unarmed is able to shoot so many people" England has an unarmed police force. Only in the event of an emergency do they call for a back-up group of armed officers. But, somehow, this doesn't stop them from accidentally killing several innocent people a year. The lyrics to this song are also good:

I wish, I wish, but it’s all in vain

On hands and knees
Floors like these
Washing away
Red from grey

Hearts will ache
No remorse
Of course, of course

Of course there’s an explanation
Why you sing without reason or rhyme
Without reason or rhyme

Must be wrong
This explains
Where he lays

Hearts can kill
And they will
Filed reports
Of course, of course

Of course there’s an explanation
Why you sing without reason or rhyme
Without reason or rhyme

Convictions cause convicts.

Thursday, July 17, 2003

This is interesting. I spent several hours last night with my Tarot cards and checking out various horoscopes and things like that online, and they all say the same basic thing. Well, two different, but related things. Most of them say that I will give up all my current efforts, and just forget it all. They say I'm in for a tough time ahead. Summed up nicely by this card, the 8 of Cups, which represents "Discontinuance of effort, disappointment, abandonment of previous plans, shyness, modesty." That pretty much says it all.

But there is hope. I did an I-Ching reading, and got a changing line, which indicates future activity. According to it, and one of my horoscopes I checked, I will have a hard time, like the others say, but this goes on to say that if I don't give up, and stick to it, but go slowly and surely, but don't force anything, it will all work out great in the end. Which is great, because I don't want to give up on anything right now, and I don't plan to. It says I should be completely honest, and not hold back my feelings.

These readings seem pretty accurate, they can be applied to several things in my life right now. They also give me hope, hope enough that I won't give up, which in truth I had considered.

Did you bring enough nuclear weapons for THE WHOLE CLASS, Johnny?

Wednesday, July 16, 2003

Me and Alicia went to see League of Extraordinary Gentlemen today. It ruled. The movie was great, and I really like hanging out with Alicia. I wish we could do it more often.

The movie was really cool, I'd like to see it again. I really liked Mr. Hyde, he was cool. The whole movie was great, it seemed really long, but in a good way. It was two hours long and seemed even longer than that, but it wasn't boring. Alicia was drooling over Stuart Townsend, of course.

Well, in spite of having a really cool day, I'm feeling pretty bad right now. So I'm gonna go now.

" are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. you are the same decaying
organic matter as everything else. we are all a part of the same compost
heap, we are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world. you are not
your bank account, you are not the clothes you wear. you are not the
contents of your wallet. you are not your bowel cancer. you are not your
Grande Latte. you are not the car you drive. you are not your fucking
khakis..."--Tyler Durden, "Fight Club"

Tuesday, July 15, 2003

Woo hoo, "Ex-Porn Star Traci Lords" is on Larry King Live. This is the only time I've ever watched Larry King. I don't know why I care so much though, I've never seen her before. I've always heard of her, but I've never seen anything with her in it, no movies or centerfolds or anything. Huh, I didn't know Traci Lords made music too.

On an unrelated note, on some commercial just now they were advertising some store anniversary sale and leather coats and stuff are on sale, and they said, "Some anniversaries you celebrate with silver or gold, this one you celebrate with leather." Is it just me, or does that sound dirty? Sounds like a couple of people having some kind of kinky S&M anniversary night.

Alicia gave me a picture she drew today. It's a picture of Satan! It's like Centaur-Satan though. It's cool. There's something wrong with his nose though. At least, I think that's his nose.

Yay! I wrote a story at work tonight. It's weird. The sad thing is, this is about the extent of my writing ability the last few years. All I can write is little weird things like this, I can't write anything normal or serious, my mind just goes blank if I try. Well, here it is:

"Beware of Chihuahua," the sign said, but I didn't believe it. I laughed, I thought it was a joke. But I didn't laugh for long. For as soon as I stepped into the yard, it attacked. It moved so fast, all I saw was a small, tan blur, and then I saw crimson, as blood spurted from the area where my neck had been only a second before. I fell to the ground, and the last thing I saw, as my vision faded, was the dog's collar, and the tag hanging from it, inches away from my face. It said, "Cuddles."

There, thats it, not much of a story, but it's actually pretty good, at least I think so. Awhile back, my aunt, who's a psychiatrist, even though she's kinda crazy herself, pointed out that everything I write is about death. She's right. I don't really know why, but that's the only thing I know how to write about. I think it's funny.

It was pointed out to me yesterday that I bitch too much. I was told this by several people (not just you Alicia). I already knew this, and I've been told that many time. My dad gripes about it almost every night at dinner. I know I complain too much, and I try to control it, but I don't do that good of a job at it. I do control myself a little, I could be much worse. Much worse. One part of it is, I just don't see why I should have to control it. If something sucks, why can't I say so? I know I shouldn't criticize something in front of the person responsible for that thing, and I usually don't do that. But like last night I complained about a webpage being full of typos, so bad that it was hard to read, and Alicia said "Bitch, bitch, bitch, that's all you ever do." Kristina, the girl I went out with a few times last year, had a real problem with my complaining. That's probably part of the reason she stopped going out with me. To this day I still don't know the reason why she stopped going out with me, she wouldn't even return my calls. But anyway, she had a real problem with my complaining, I tried to control it, but that made it worse, because then I basically said nothing all night. They say "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." If I did that I'd never talk again. I can't help it. I've been trying to work on this problem for the last year or so, but I haven't gotten much better. You've probably noticed so yourself, most of my posts are all about how much work sucked, and how annoying the people at work were, and my back hurts from work, and I hate this person, I hate this show, I hate everyone. I have a problem, I don't know if there's a name for it, I'm sure there is, but I don't know what it is. I am really uncomfortable talking about my emotions. Not all of them, just the positive ones. I have no problem pointing out something I don't like, but it is almost impossible to say that I like someone or something. Even when I do compliment something, there's always a negative in there too. Especially with food. It's always something like, "Well, this is good, but it could have been cooked longer," or, "The potatoes are lumpy, but they're still pretty good." Things like that. I really have a problem saying that I like people. I don't just mean as in I really like someone, like I love them or something, I can't say that I feel anyway about them at all, other than hate. All I can say is that I hate someone. The closest thing to a compliment from me is, "I don't hate you, at least not yet, anyway." I have to really like someone, and be really comfortable with them before I can express any kind of fondness whatsoever.

Basically, it's just damn near impossible for me to say anything positive. I don't mean to offend you, or piss you off. That's just the way I am. I'm trying, so please just forgive me, and bear with me.

Laugh, and the world laughs with you
Cry, and the world laughs louder

Sunday, July 13, 2003

Out of the 535 members of the United States Congress:

*29 have been accused of spousal abuse
*7 have been arrested for fraud
*19 have been accused of writing bad checks
*117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
*3 have done time for assault
*71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
*14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
*8 have been arrested for shoplifting
*21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
*84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year

And these are the people responsible for passing the laws to keep the rest of us in line.

Beware! The Paranoids are watching you!

Jesus in the Bathroom

A Sunday school teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that he grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven!"

Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart!"

Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!"

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.

Little Johnny replied, "Well, every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells: 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'"

What -- Me Infallible?

Here's an interesting thought, once again gleaned from the alt.slack newsgroup:

"Every medium of communication from cave painting to the Internet has been first used to convey intellectual or spiritual content, then pornography, then everything else. If the nineteenth-century abolitionists who demanded the suppression of high-speed mechanical printing presses because they were used chiefly to produce erotic books had been successful, you would be reading this from a sheet of parchment now."

One's the Pope. One's a chimp. They're both detectives.
"The Pope and the Chimp" coming this fall to NBC

I'm off work tomorrow, thank god.

Me and Alicia finally figured out when we're going to the movies. We're going Wednesday. We're seeing a different movie than we originally planned, though. We wer going to see Charlie's Angels, but now we're going to see League of Extraordinary Gentlemen instead. Alicia's going to be drooling everywhere, because Stuart Townsend is in it.

Hmmm, what else can I write? I know, how about a "The Best of Kevin" post? Yes, that's it. In fact, I can think of several old posts I think I'll repost over the next few days. Here's one originally from just about a week after my blog began:

Wednesday, September 18, 2002

Holy Crap. There's a new Scooby Doo series on the WB. I must find out who is behind this and kill him/her/it/them. But I won't just kill them, no. First I will make their life a living hell, and then I will destroy all that they hold sacred and dear. They will suffer greatly for their crimes against humanity. Come on people, it's time to let Scooby die. But no, instead of relegating him to the dustbins of history, people have to keep bringing him back with countless reruns and new forms, and new merchandise and movies. I hate Scooby Doo. I HATE Scooby Doo.

Speaking of people who need to die, tonight was a very annoying night at work. We had lots of stupid, rude customers. Even more than usual. One old lady who looked like she was probably 90 decided to be a bitch because she didn't want to pay 27 cents for a water. Then there was some cross-eyed fat lady who smelled so bad I could hardly take her order. She had a filthy boy-child with her, who looked like he'd been rolling in soggy Oreo cookies. His legs were covered in sores of some sort, it looked like they might have been burns. Over all he was a very diseased looking child. He still smelled better than she did though.

Alicia didn't work tonight, but she came up there for a few minutes. She was upset about having to work on Homecoming, she wanted to go very much. If I had been off that night I would have worked for her, but I have to work that night too. It bothers me to see her upset like that. She's my friend and I care about her very much. I wish there was something I could do to help.

I got off work really early tonight, at about 7:25. I only worked about 3 hours, taking off the half-hour for my break. They are cutting everyone's hours because profits have been bad or something. So now I'm going to be making even less money. I've been working there almost 7 years, and I only make $6.15 an hour. Pitiful. I still have it a lot better than most of the other people that work there. I still live with my parents, because I can't afford to move out, but most of the people I work with have their own place, and are having a really hard time paying bills.

See that little rating thing there at the bottom of the page people? It's not just there for decoration. Rate me! Uhh, but only if it's a good rating. And then, when you're done rating my site, go to Alicia's site and read it, and then give her some good ratings too! And then, send me money! Lots of it! Ummm, email me, and I'll tell you how to send it to me. And then, uhhh, send me more money! Money, and valuables, and jewelry, and expensive electronics equipment, and your children! Send me your children! No wait, keep the kids, I hate kids. Unless...maybe I could make an army of sugar-crazed Harry Potter fanatics, and finally take over the world! I better write that one down for future research.

Well, I guess that's about it, idiots. I guess I'll go read some more. I'm already over half done with "Interview with the Vampire." I should finish it tomorrow.

I love bacon. I even floss with it. Shut up.

Saturday, July 12, 2003

A drunk is sitting on the street curb in front of a bar. A stranger comes by and asks if he's O.K.

The drunk replies by asking, "Do you know who I am?"

The stranger says "No. Who are you?"

The drunk proudly says "I'm Jesus Christ...and I can prove it! Come with me!"

They enter the bar and the bartender looks up and yells "Jesus Christ! Are you here again?"

"It must have a 'natural' cause."
"It must have a 'supernatural' cause."
Let these two asses be set to grind corn.

Here's a cool conversation that took place once-upon-a-time in the alt.slack newsgroup:

From: "Rev.Tim"
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sat, Oct 5, 2002

I was downtown today when the Twins game was letting out and as I watched everyone in their sports garb wandering by I wondered to myself(as there was no one else to wonder to at the time). Why does anyone care about any pro sport? What is achieved by watching such a thing and why do people waste their time on such a pointless pursuit? Not one of them I asked could tell me, and I just can't figure it out.Thank you in advance for your enlightening reply.

Rev Tim
I know this is all a figment of my imagination
but I may as well entertain myself.


From: (Friday Jones)

America is too big for the concept of an 'American Tribe' to take hold in a concrete fashion, and the American rituals are not held very often; at the same time, family bonds have been weakened to the point that NOBODY lives with a group of their relatives.

So everybody is looking for a tribe to belong to, a tribe to have their rituals with, and for some people, sports serves as their tribe.

For some, it's science fiction films; they go to the opening show and see all their fellow fans, and are content.

For some it's a particular newsgroup, and they post there, and are replied to by their fellow groupies, and feel one with the tribe.

The ambitious, of course, simply clone multiple copies of themselves and take over small towns in Wyoming. They all wear masks during the day, so that they look different; but at night they streams through the houses and the streets, shoulder to shoulder and bare all over, naked under the stars and moon, and all alike, each to each.

"On every day and in every way,
the world is samer and samer."
- nu-monet

"Imperious, choleric, irascible, extreme in everything, with a dissolute
imagination the like of which has never been seen, atheistic to the point
of fanaticism, there you have me in a nutshell, and kill me again or take
me as I am, for I shall not change."
- Marquis de Sade's Last Will and Testament

Man, work sucked tonight. It was really busy. And Nathan and Murray talked about Dragonball Z the entire night. The ENTIRE night, from 4:00 to 11:30. I like Dragonball Z, but they were ridiculous. They've both seen or read about like every episode of every series, even the episodes and features that haven't even been shown in America yet. They were having debates over things like whether or not non-Saiyans could learn to power-up and become like Super-Saiyans, and what certain characters, like King Kai, would look like if they did. And then they were talking about what it would look like if they could design their own character. They were like "I'd give him Trunks' hair and clothes, Gohan's body..." and blah blah blah. All Night.

Whatever happened to Ben Stein? Other than the old Clear-Eyes commercials, I haven't seen or heard about him in a long time. Ben Stein is cool. But I get really tired of people comparing me to him, it used to happen all the time. I may not look or sound very enthusiastic, but I certainly don't sound like him. I wish I did though, that would be cool.

"Time is money, and we have COUPONS!"

Friday, July 11, 2003

Late one night at the insane asylum, one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"

Another patient asked, "How do you know?"

The first inmate said, "Because God told me!"

Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!"

Death to all fanatics!

Today (or yesterday I guess, since it's after midnight) I am (was) happy. (Time is weird isn't it. Really such a subjective concept when you think about it.)

Let us try that again.

Today, I am happy. (That's better.)

Today was a really cool day, even though I did absolutely nothing all day. Actually, I did lots of things today, I learned a lot, and added many new neural pathways to my brain, and cleared out some of the old archaic and misguided ones. But when compared to the concept of "having a life" I did nothing today.

To perhaps put it a little more simply... I sat around the house almost all day and mainly just read and surfed the internet. I went to Carl's Jr. for lunch, and ended up being there for over an hour hanging out and talking to Alicia. Then I drove around the lake making noises at the hundreds of geese. Then I came home again and did all this reading and stuff. Then Alicia got online and we talked for a while. Then I checked out a few websites, and found the glorious webpage that I just talked about in the post below this one.

Seriously, I am in the greatest mood right now.

Man, I need to dispose of all the empty coke cans that have built up in my room. There's 25 Coke cans on my desk and dresser. It's getting hard to reach around to the power button (which is on the back on iMacs like mine) to turn the computer on.

Ok, I'm going to bed. I'm almost in too good a mood to sleep, though.

A person belonging to one or more Order is just as likely to carry a flag of
the counter-establishment as the flag of the establishment -- just as long as it is a flag.

Mein Gott! This is the greatest thing ever! I think I've found my new religion, or philosophy, or something. Actually, I don't believe in any one religion, I believe in all of them, or at least parts of all of them. So the most accurate thing to say would be that I will incorporate large parts of this new philosophy into mine. But seriously, this is just amazing.

Anyway, the complete document is here, but here are a few highlights:

...And thus I met Timothy F.X. Finnegan, Dean of the Royal Sir Myles na gCopaleen Astro-Anomalistic Society, Dalkey, sometime lecturer at Trinity College, Dublin, and founder of the Committee for Surrealist Investigation of Claims of the Normal.

In fact, Prof. Finnegan signed me up as a member of CSICON that very night, in the Plough and Stars pub over our ninth or tenth pint of Ireland's most glorious product, linn dubh, known as Guiness to the ungodly.

Now I hear that Prof. Finnegan has died, or at least they took the liberty of burying him, and I feel that the world has lost a great man.

The Commitee for Surrealist Investigation of Claims of the Normal (CSICON) , however, lives on and deserves more attention than it has received hitherto. Prof. Finnegan always asserted that the idea for CSICON derived from a remark passed by an old Dalkey character named Sean Murphy, in the Goat and Compasses pub shortly before closing time on 23 July 1973.

Actually, it started with two old codgers named O'Brian and Nolan discussing the weather. "Terrible rain and wind for this time of year," O'Brian ventured.

"Ah, faith," Nolan replied, "I do not believe it is this time of year at all, at all."

At this, Murphy spoke up. "Ah, Jaysus," he said, "I've never seen a boogerin' normal day." He paused to set down his pint, then added thoughtfully, "And I never met a fookin' average man neither"

...But Murphy's simple words lit a fire in the subtle and intricate brain of Timothy F.X. Finnegan, who had just finished his own fourteenth pint (de Selby says his fifteenth pint). The next day the aging Finnegan wrote the first two-page outline of the new science he called patapsychology, a term coined in salute to Alfred Jarry's invention of pataphysics.

Finnegan's paper began with the electrifying sentence, "The average Canadian has one testicle, just like Adolph Hitler -- or, more precisely, the average Canadian has 0.96 testicles, an even sadder plight than Hitler's, if the average Anything actually existed." He then went on to demonstrate that the normal or average human lives in substandard housing in Asia, has 1.04 vaginas, cannot read or write, suffers from malnutrition and never heard of Silken Thomas Fitzgerald or Brian Boru. "The normal," he concluded "consists of a null set which nobody and nothing really fits."

Thus began the science of Patapsychology, Prof. Finnegan's most enduring,and endearing, contribution to the world -- aside from the computer-enhanced photos of the Face on Mars with which he endeavored to prove that the Face depicted Moishe Horwitz, his lifelong mentor and idol. This, of course, remains highly controversial, especially among disciples of Richard Hoagland, who believe the Face looks more like the Sphinx, those who insist it looks like Elvis to them, and the dullards who only see it as a bunch of rocks.

...Patapsychology begins from Murphy's Law, as Finnegan called the First Axiom, adopted from Sean Murphy. This says,and I quote,"The normal does not exist. The average does not exist. We know only a very large but probably finite phalanx of discrete space-time events encountered and endured." In less technical language, the Board of the College of Patapsychology offers one million Irish punds [around $700,000 American] to any "normalist" who can exhibit "a normal sunset, an average Beethoven sonata, an ordinary Playmate of the Month, or any thing or event in space-time that qualifies as normal, average or ordinary."

In a world where no two fingerprints appear identical, and no two brains appear identical, and an electron does not even seem identical to itself from one nanosecond to another, patapsychology seems on safe ground here.

No normalist has yet produced even a totally normal dog, an average cat, or even an ordinary chickadee. Attempts to find an average Bird of Paradise, an ordinary haiku or even a normal cardiologist have floundered pathetically. The normal, the average, the ordinary, even the typical, exist only in statistics, i.e. the human mathematical mindscape. They never appear in external space-time, which consists only and always of nonnormal events in nonnormal series.

Thus, unless you're an illiterate and malnourished Asian with exactly 1.04 vaginas and 0.96 testicles, living in substandard housing, you do not qualify as normal but as abnormal, subnormal, supernormal, paranormal or some variety of nonnormal.

I strongly advise you read the entire document. I think I'm gonna go order a CSICON t-shirt now.

The Hell law says that Hell is reserved exclusively for them that believe in it.
Further, the lowest Rung in Hell is reserved for them that believe in the supposition
that they'll go there if they don't believe in it.
-- HBT; The Gospel According to Fred, 3:1

Thursday, July 10, 2003

Robert Anton Wilson doesn't just write "fiction." He also has a book called "Everything is Under Control: Conspiracies, Cults, and Cover-Ups" which is sort of an encyclopedia of, as the titles suggests, conspiracies, cults, and cover-ups. Here's an interesting entry. According to this entry, I need to call these people. The words in the brackets, [] are my responses, not part of the article.

Abductees Anonymous

This organization serves as a support group for persons who believe that extraterrestrials have kidnapped and sexually molested them -- one of the largest subgroups in the recovered memory community, trailing behind only the incest survivors and the Satanic abuse survivors. While the whole theory and therapy of the "recovered memory" movement has come under increasing criticism in recent years, it still has many believers, who sincerely think they their therapists helped them remember (not fantasize) incidents of incest, cannibalism, coprophilia, sadomasochism, rape, infant sacrifice, and/or evil Greys -- a race of detached scientific investigators and/or sexual monsters who come from outer space and have engaged in genetic experiments or sexual assault on helpless humans.

AbAnon says nothing about the incest and satanism yarns, also created or discovered by the same hypnotic techniques, but insists that "many millions" have had the abduction experience and even if you can't personally remember it -- or especially if you can't remember it -- this interstellar rape may have happened to you. They have a list of 52 symptoms that will help you decide if indeed it did happen to you. A few significant signs from this list:

-- Have unusual scars or marks with no possible explanation on how you received them, especially if you have an emotional reaction to them (i.e., small scoop indentation, straight line scar, scars in roof of mouth, in nose, behind or in ears, or genitals, etc.).

-- Have a cosmic awareness, an interest in ecology, environment, or vegetarianism, or are very socially conscious. [Yes, on parts of that.]

-- Have inexplicably strong fears or phobias (i.e., heights, snakes, spiders, large insects, certain sounds, bright lights, your personal security, or being alone.). [Yes, sorta, I wouldn't call them inexplicably strong, just normal.]

-- Have the feeling of being watched much of the time, especially at night. [No, but I often like to imagine people are secretly watching my life, like "The Truman Show," or something.]

-- Have awoken with a soreness in your genitals, which cannot be explained. [Ummm, not unexplained, no.]

-- Have seen a hooded figure in or near your home, especially next to your bed. [Nope.]

-- Have had frequent or sporadic ringing in your ears, especially in one ear. [All the time, but lots of people do.]

-- Have insomnia or sleep disorders that are puzzling you. [I sleep too much. I guess that would be considered a sleep disorder.]

-- Have the feeling that you are going crazy for even thinking about these sorts of things. [No, I just think this list is stupid.]

-- Have had a difficult time trusting other people, especially authority figures. [Who in this modern world doesn't?]

-- Have had dreams of destruction or catastrophe. [Dreams: Not really. Fantasies: Yes.]

-- Have many of these traits but can't remember anything about an abduction or alien encounter. [Yes. Though I did see a UFO once, but I have never been abducted that I know of.]

Those who have these stigmata or most of them might contact Abductees Anonymous through the website below.

On the other hand, many of the same (or similar) signs may indicate that you are another incest survivor or Satanic abuse survivor; better consult those entries, too. Can't be too careful these days.

Ok, so that's it for the article. Not that I don't believe in Aliens or anything, I do, but this looks pretty stupid to me. That list of "symptoms" consists mostly of things that nearly everyone experiences, at least occasionally. Especially that list of fears thing. Of course, they explain that the reason these are so common is because this has happened to millions of people. Yeah, I doubt it. Though they may be on to something. However I doubt it is Aliens doing all this. It's probably some earthly group or government experimenting on people, and then starting cover-up organizations like these so the few people who do figure out they are being experimented on will think that it is the work of aliens, and also become classified as crazies who no one will take seriously.

And, behold, thusly was the law formulated: Imposition of Order = Escalation of Disorder! -- HBT; The Gospel According to Fred, 1:6

Wednesday, July 09, 2003

I don't know why I'm bothering with writing a post, I don't have anything to write about. Maybe I'll think of something. If not, I'm off tomorrow, so I'm sure I'll write at least one big post tomorrow, probably more.

I've been in a great mood all day, but not anymore.

This is the weirdest episode of South Park ever. It's got Russel Crowe travelling around the world beating everyone up for no reason. And for some reason he sounds like the Crocodile Hunter, and he's a sailor with a tugboat.

Once again, work sucked. Bill wanted to send me home early tonight, but the front-liner wouldn't get her work done so he could.

Well, I was wrong. I can't think of anything to write. So I guess that's it for now.

"I tell you: One must still have chaos in one to give birth to a dancing star!" -- Nietzsche

Tuesday, July 08, 2003

Fuck. Work sucked tonight. It was horrible. It was extremely slow, hardly any business all night. And the kitchen workers were being extremely annoying again, acting like complete retards all night. Also it was really hot, and my back was killing me. I'm certainly glad to be home.

Hmm, it seems like there was something I wanted to write about, but I don't remember what.

Well, I'm pretty tired from work, so I think I'll go to bed early again tonight.

"Flash your tits! Everybody loves tits!" -- Rebecca from

Ok, first let me say that I normally don't watch Lupin III. I used to hate it, but it's starting to grow on me, I've watched a few epsiodes, and there have been a couple that were actually kind of cool, such as the one that was on tonight, which was one that I had seen before. Anyway, there was something in tonight's episode that surprised me greatly. On the show they had to go to a nudist colony to track down a jewel that they were trying to steal. The guy with the beard, I don't remember his name, didn't seem too pleased about the idea, and Lupin said "It sounds to me like someone's afraid he might not measure up," and the guy replied something along the lines of, "Are you kidding, it's my strong resemblance to Dillinger that made me want to get into this business in the first place." When he said this my jaw dropped. I can't believe they made a joke about such an obscure piece of historical rumor. I'm sure most people didn't even get the joke. For those of you who didn't... There is a long-standing and persistant rumor that Dillinger posessed a penis of god-like proportions, being something like 23 inches in it's flaccid state. Part of what surprised me about this joke was not just the esoteric subject matter, but the synchronicity of the event. At the time this joke was made I was once again reading "The Illuminatus Trilogy" the book from which I learned this strange piece of phallic lore.

This isn't the first strange example of synchronicity I've noticed recently. For some reason it's been happening a lot in the last 48 hours or so.

Synchronicity; Noun; Inflected forms: pl.syn·chro·nic·i·ties
1. The state or fact of being synchronous or simultaneous; synchronism. 2. Coincidence of events that seem to be meaningfully related, conceived in Jungian theory as an explanatory principle on the same order as causality.

One of the other strange, somewhat synchronous events also had it's roots in "The Illuminatus Trilogy." One of the characters in the book is a crime boss named Banana-Nose Maldonado. Maldonado is a fairly odd name, and one that I have never heard anywhere besides this book. Yet a couple of days ago at work, a guy came through drive-thru wearing a shirt for some sports team or something, and had the names of the players on it. And right there in the middle of the shirt, glaring at me, was the name Maldonado. Things like this have been happening a lot, and most of them involving this book in some way. Which is in itself odd, as this book talks about synchronicity a lot.

I've been reading a lot the last week. I like reading. All this reading and writing is also helping me get my vocabulary back, as you may have noticed in that first paragraph. I don't normally use words like "synchronicity" and "esoteric." I used to have a huge vocabulary, back when I was in elementary and middle school I actually talked like that. But then around the time I started working, my vocabulary started going down. Mainly because I was forced to stop using it, because people had trouble understanding me. Since I no longer used my vocabulary, I started to lose it. The last few years I have tried to bring my vocabulary back to it's former levels, but learning new words does little good, since I never get the chance to use most of them.

On another note, I'm feeling much better today. I'm no longer depressed. I finally realized that it was all in my head, and I was depressed over nothing. Which I knew all along, but couldn't convince myself.

Bullshit makes the flowers grow, and that's beautiful.