Wow, I've had twenty hits in like the last three days, that's pretty good. I don't know why though, I've only written one post in like the last three weeks. I have lots of things I'd like to write about in this post, but I'm just too fucking lazy anymore.
Ok, New Year's Eve. I got really drunk. Really really drunk. The drunkest I've ever been. I had five shots of rum, and then a rum and coke made with about a shot and a half's worth of rum. I got so drunk everyone thought I had passed out, but actually I was awake and aware, I was just sitting there with my eyes closed because I was to drunk to talk, move, open my eyes, or respond to anything. I occasionally muttered drunkenly, but it was unintelligible and everyone thought I was talking in my sleep. I was like that for about two hours, from about 11:30 to about 1:30. That's right, I missed midnight. I was conscious, and knew when it happened, I was just too drunk to do anything about it. I was glad to enter a semi-vegetative state, because I was very depressed. I've been really depressed the last month or so anyway. Not having a girlfriend is bothering me more than usual, and I've been really depressed about it. Parties nearly always make me even more depressed than usual. Mainly because everyone is having a good time, and socially interacting, but I can't. I'm just not able to make myself do anything social. I can barely maintain the illusion of civility about myself, all I can do is be rude to people, and hateful, and anti-social. I'm not able to express my feelings in any way. And I can't say anything nice about anyone. Like the other night at work Alicia was talking about someone called her fat, and Crystal said something like "You're not fat, you're beautiful." And she was like "Isn't she, Kevin?" But I didn't answer, I couldn't. But my silence was a pretty good indication that at least I didn't find her ugly, because if I did think she was ugly, I would have probably said so.
Alicia isn't ugly. I don't know about beautiful, but she is pretty. See, even when I do manage a compliment, it still sounds like an insult.
Anyway, I was fully aware, but in a semi-comatose state. I heard people talking about me. At midnight I heard Alicia talking about giving me a New Years kiss on the cheek or something, but she didn't. To tell the truth, I was dissappointed that she didn't. It depressed me even more, because it made me feel even more like no one wanted me.
Tonight at work was pretty busy, but I still managed to get lots of goofing off in like usual. I spent the first half of the night staring at Crystal's ass every chance I got, which was a lot. Her pants just keep getting tighter all the time. She always wears skin-tight pants. I may not like Crystal anymore, but that doesn't mean I can't still lust after her. I spent the second half of the night pissing Crystal off. I made her so mad, she was furious, and kept talking about how she was going to kill me. She said she was going to kill me, and claim self-defense, say that I was trying to rape her. I said, "You wish." That really pissed her off. It was all especially funny because she was like "I've always hated you!" but the first half of the night all she was doing was saying she loved me and trying to get me to "admit" that I loved her too. She says she loves everyone. The first half of the night, when she still "loved" me, she said she was going to pee on me. She needed to pee really bad, but she had a lot of orders and couldn't. So she was complaining that she was gonna pee on herself, and I said that that would be really funny, and she said that it would be even funnier if she hiked her leg and just peed on me.
Ok, I'm gonna go watch the Rocky Horror Picture Show now. Alicia has got me obsessed with that movie now too. I bought the DVD yesterday, and I watched it yesterday, then I watched about half of it today before I went to work, and now I'm gonna go watch it again.