Strange Things are Afoot at the Circle K.: January 2003

Friday, January 31, 2003

Hey, cool. I may be finally moving out of my parents place soon, and moving in with Daniel, Olivia and Alicia. Daniel and his wife Olivia are moving again, and Alicia has been living with them anyway, and so she's moving with them and will still be living with them. The new house they are moving into sounds really nice. Its got four bedrooms, one of which they are going to make a den/entertainment room, and is out in the country, and is in good shape and really nice looking, from what I hear. Anyway, Daniel and Alicia were talking about it at work earlier, and they were saying that maybe their friend Melissa (I think, I suddenly blanked on her name, they usually just call her "Moisty." Don't ask, because I don't know.) would move in with them. Then Daniel said that if she didn't maybe I could. And I was like, yeah, maybe. Then I came back home, I'm off today, I was just hanging out at Carls Jr. because I was bored. About an hour ago Daniel called me from work and told me "Me and Olivia were just talking about it, and she said that you moving in would be fine, and we'd really rather have you move in than Melissa. So if you want to you can." Stuff like that. So I was like, "yeah cool, I'll have to think about it, it's a big step, but there's a good chance I will." There's plenty of time for me to think about it, they aren't moving until the first of March. I'm actually excited about it. It would be cool to move in with them. And it will be really nice to finally get out of my parent's house. I would really like to live alone, but this will be better FOR me. This way I will be forced to be around people, and have some social interaction. And these people are my only friends around here, so that's cool too. I wonder how many bathrooms the house has? I don't think they mentioned that. With four bedrooms it should have two. I hope so, only having one bathroom would be annoying.

I spent lots of money today. I went on a Japanese shopping spree. I went to the comic store and bought lots of stuff. I bought a magazine called "Anime Invasion," it's an anime news magazine. I also bought a comic book, well, more accurately, a graphic novel, it's got something like 150 pages. It's volume one of "Love Hina." It's pretty weird. As the back of the book says, "When Keitaro Urashima fails his entrance exam to get into Tokyo University for the second time, he's officially and unemployed and uneducated slacker. To make things worse, his parents have kicked him out of his house. Fortunately his grandmother owns the fabulous Hinta House, and Keitaro is going to be the new caretaker. What he doesn't know is the lodge is actually a girl's dorm and he's the only guy around! Most guys would kill to live with five cute girls, but if Keitaro's not careful, this job will kill him." So, yeah, it sounds like a porno, but it's not that bad. There's no sex scenes, but there are lots of gratuitous scenes of cute manga girls in various states of undress. Because of "wacky hijinks" Keitaro somehow finds himself in a precarious situation that makes it look like he's watching the girls bathe on purpose or something. For example, in one part he's walking through his room in a towel, because he just took a bath or something (I haven't actually read it yet, just skimmed it) and he somehow falls off the balcony and ends up hanging on for his life, naked, in a tree, over the girl's outside bathing pool (like the one on "Tenchi Muyo") while they are all in it bathing. So then they discover him and call him a pervert and kick his ass. Something like this happens every five minutes.

I also bought some "Pocky." This is a snack product that is very popular in Japan. I ordered some of this from the J-List website, but it hasn't come in yet. So when I saw it at the comic store, I had to try it. It's pretty good. It's weird, it's like a little crunchy breadstick dipped in chocolate.

Then I went to Hastings. They're about the only store around here that actually sells Anime. There's one other I know of but they're really expensive. It can be hard to find Anime and Manga and stuff like that in Oklahoma. There I bought a DVD of the movie "Akira," and a DVD that has the first four episodes of Yu Yu Hakusho. I like that show, they show it on Cartoon Network now.

Add to all this the fact that I've been reading more MegaTokyo comics all day, and I've spent the entire day immersed in Japanese stuff. Good, I like Japanese stuff. I dream of one day going to Tokyo. First I'd have to learn Japanese, though. I took a Japanese class in college, and I've done some studying of it on my own, but I never learned to read any of the writing, and I've forgotten almost all of the verbal language I once knew. I can still count to 19, but that's about all I remember.

Ok, I'm gonna go watch "Akira" now.

"Yellow" by Coldplay (p.s. I don't know what language those weird words are. But I have been assured that these are the correct lyrics.

Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah, they were all yellow.
I came along,
I wrote a song for you,
And all the things you do,
And it was called "Yellow".
So then I took my turn,
Oh what a thing to have done,
And it was all "Yellow."
Jeg sked,
Ååh ja jeg sked en bums,
Turn into something beautiful,
You know, you know I love you so,
You know I love you so.
I swam across,
I jumped across for you,
Oh what a thing to do.
Cos you were all "Yellow",
I drew a line,
I drew a line for you,
Oh what a thing to do,
And it was all "Yellow."
Jeg sked,
Ååh ja jeg sked en bums,
Turn into something beautiful,
And you know,
For you I'd bleed myself dry,
For you I'd bleed myself dry.

It's true,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine.
Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And all the things that you do.

Tonight sucked. I was in a really bad mood earlier, but then I came home and read some MegaTokyo, and that cheered me up a little. Work really sucked, it was very busy at times, and there was a lot of drama. I don't want to go into it here, because I don't know the whole story, and also because I don't really care. If you really want to know what happened, check out Alicia's Blog. She doesn't have anything about it up yet, but I figure she probably will eventually. I was already in a bad mood anyway, work just made it worst. I've been feeling a little depressed today, but, what else is new? Anyway, I'm in a much better mood now, but I'm also tired, so I'm going to bed now.

I have a new obsession! The best website I've seen in a long time! It's a cool comic strip, a must for anyone who is a fan of Anime, Manga, Computer Games, or popular Japanese Culture. I've spent all my free time today reading this, and will most likely spend the next two days reading it, until I finish reading all the old strips. Then I'm probably gonna but some of the t-shirts they sell through Ok, here's the link. Go there. Read it. Love it. Live it: MegaTokyo.

>> relax, we understand j00

Thursday, January 30, 2003

Today my sister brought home book called "Dumb Jokes for Smart Kids." It's pretty funny. Most of the jokes are incredibly dumb, and half of them I've heard before, like "Why did the boy throw the clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly." There are some funny ones, though. I laughed out loud at:
"Mommy, mommy, what's a werewolf?"
"Be quiet Bill, and comb your face."

Here's a great website someone told me about. Customers Suck! This is a great website, you can submit, and read, stories of stupid and annoying customers, and bosses, and stuff like that. I have a few stories I need to submit to this place.

Tuesday, January 28, 2003

Here's a cool website I just found. It's an artificial intelligence program thing. You talk to it, and it talks back. It can be pretty stupid sometimes, though. The uncensored version is good for some amusing sex talk. The "Dubya Bot" is good for a laugh too.
Web Hal

Monday, January 27, 2003

I've spent most of the day, and about $60 dollars, working on my car today. I gave my car the best cleaning I've ever given any of my cars. I normally don't take very good care of my cars, especially since I know nothing about cars. I can put gas in, check the oil, add oil if it needs it, and drive the car, that's about it. I'm not obsessed with cars like most guys, especially the guys around here. I can't even tell cars apart. If you tell me you own a (model of car), I'll just look at you with a dumb look on my face. I couldn't tell a Porsche from a Pinto. Actually, I could, Pintos are one of the few cars I can recognize, Pintos, Rabbits, AMC Hornets, various types of Volkswagons, I can recognize all of them usually. I like to drive big square luxury cars from the 80's. My first car was my mom's old '82 Crown Victoria, it was white with an ugly red top. My second car looked almost identical, except it was a different color, and in better shape. It was an '84 (I think) Mercury Grand Marquis, which are identical to Crown Victorias. It was cool, it looked like the car from the first Men In Black movie, except it was grey.

I actually have a very nice car now. It's a silver '98 Buick LeSabre Limited with every feature you can think of, it's even got heated mirrors and passenger climate control. It's in really good shape too, and only has 35,000 miles on it. I got it from some old couple who hardly ever drove it. It still smelled new when I bought it. New it was worth over $20,000, I got it for $9,800. Actually, I didn't have to pay a cent, my parent's are paying for it. And no, I'm not some spoiled little rich kid. My parents wanted me to have a nice car, and they got a lot of money when my grandpa died last year, so they got me a car. My family certainly isn't wealthy. We do ok, but only my dad works, and if he made something like $1000 dollars less a year, we'd qualify for welfare.

Anyway, today I went to Wal-Mart, and then Autozone, and bought a bunch of stuff for my car, cleaners mainly. Then I went to the car wash, gave the car a very thorough vacuuming and dusted it with a duster/vent cleaner I bought. Then I sprayed the car with some Auto Febreze (why does that look like it's spelled wrong? That's how it's spelled on the bottle here.) and some new car smell scented air freshener. Then I sprayed some tire cleaner on the tires and let it set for a few minutes, and then I washed the car very thoroughly, with the manual car wash, not an automatic drive-thru car wash. I spent $7 just washing it, I washed it for so long. Then I drove it for a while to dry it off. Then I cleaned all the windows, inside and out, with some Window cleaning wet wipe things. Which also came with a free sample Armor All dash cleaner wipe, so I cleaned the dash with that, and now it's all shiny. I even opened the hood and got all the dead leaves off the vents and from under the windshield wipers and stuff. I also bought some decals. It's a red Chinese dragon with a Chinese writing symbol over it's head. I put them on the back section of the rear side windows, (the little triangular part that doesn't roll down) one on each side. I also put some fuel injector and carbuerator cleaner in the gas tank. (I have no idea what a carbuerator even is)

Yeah, ok, so now my car is even more of a "pimp car," as some of my friends have called it. I hate that word. I hate it when people refer to things as pimp, or pimpin' or call themselves pimps.

Speaking of pimps, here's a link someone just gave me: E-Bay Item Personally, I think it's stupid, and offensive, but I'm sure a lot of you guys will like it.

Sunday, January 26, 2003

Hey, cool. I got an e-mail from long lost Jared today. Jared was one of my friends in high school, he was part of our whole group. But then he went off to college, and no-one ever hears from him. I get an e-mail from him maybe once every 6 months usually. Jared is a freak. He's even weirder than me. He writes the strangest stories. If I ever finish my web site, I will put them on there.

My mom's in the living room almost crying because of the Super Bowl. Not because the team sshe likes is losing, (I don't think she really likes either team) but because it's just such a horrible game. She's yelling about how it was a waste of time watching it, and not even any of the commercials have been very good, and "I could have been watching "Law and Order" instead of this shit," and "I'll never watch the Super Bowl again." Believe it or not, I didn't even know the Super Bowl was tonight, I just found out about 7:00 p.m. tonight. That's usual though, I almost always don't know when the Super Bowl is until it's already on. I hate football. I've never watched the Super Bowl in my life. I still don't even know who's playing tonight. All I know is that both teams have pirates as mascots, because I heard some people talking about that on tv.

So... who wants to touch my ass? Come on. I know you all want to. It's free, no charge. Go on, get a good handfull. Ok, fine, don't then. You all suck.

I haven't felt much like writing on this thing the last few days. There's not much to tell anway. Just the same crap as usual. I get up, watch tv, or get online for a couple of hours, and then go to work. Then when I come home I watch tv or get online for a few hours, maybe exercise a little, and then about 2 a.m. I go to bed. Then the next day I do it all over again. Pretty boring. I haven't even seen any good websites in several days. I mainly sit here and look at the same few sites over and over. Mainly just a few blogs, waiting to see if the people put any new posts up. I've been pretty bored for the last few days. There hasn't even been anything good on tv for a couple of days now. And in spite of having 451 MP3s on my computer, I can't find anything I want to listen to.

I watched "Fists of Fury," a Bruce Lee movie last night, but it sucked so much I didn't even finish watching it.

I have to go to work today. I have to be there at 4:00, which is weird, I've never went in at 4:00 on a Sunday, I always go in at 2:00. On Sundays we close early, at 10:00, that's only 5 and a 1/2 hours taking off half an hour for my break. That's barely going to give me enough time to get my work done, especially if we're busy. It's usually pretty slow on Sundays, though. I haven't even worked with any of my friends at work the last few nights. It's been Curtis as the manager, and a new person, Mariah. I had to train Mariah on drive-through the other night. I hate training people. She's not a very good worker either, all she does is stand around all night, talking to Curtis and Jimmy, because she knows them. They all live together, or something. Neither Daniel or Alicia have worked in a few days. I think Daniel worked a couple of days ago, but he worked in the morning. Alicia keeps getting the weekends off for some reason. I think she works today, but in the morning. She'll be gone by the time I get there, or just leaving. Daniel does work tonight, though.

Dammit! There's still nothing on! Comedy Central has been showing stupid movies I've never even heard of all morning. "She's Having a Baby" just went off, and now "The Out of Towners," or something like that, is coming on. I've never even heard of either of them. I watched a few minutes of "She's Having a Baby," and it sucked. Oh well, if they weren't showing stupid movies, they'd just be showing Saturday Night Live all day, like they usually do. There's never anything good on Comedy Central until like 9:00 or 10:00 at night. Cartoon Network has been showing Scooby Doo all morning. I hate Scooby Doo! First, one of those stupid Scooby Doo features they've made in the last few years, "Scooby Doo and the Alien Invaders," I think it was, was on, and then after that just an old episode of Scooby Doo came on, and now another one is coming on! I HATE SCOOBY DOO!

And, to top everything off, in spite of dieting and exercising for the last couple of weeks, I'm not losing any weight! The last few years I haven't been able to lose weight very easily. Used to, when I went on a diet, I'd lose 4 or 5 pounds a week, usually. Now anymore, I usually lose about 20 pounds fairly quickly, but then I can't lose anymore, no matter how long I diet. This time I'm not losing any weight at all. In fact, I think I'm gaining weight now! I haven't weighed in a few days, but I feel like I'm getting fatter. And then, in about a week, those weird Japanese candies I ordered will come in, and I'll eat them all. Actually, I'll probably share them with my sister. I also ordered a Hamtaro notebook for her from the website.

Wow, this post turned out pretty long. Though all it is is a bunch of bitching and whining. When i sat down to write it, I couldn't think of anything to write about. All I planned on writing was "I just haven't felt much like writing the last few days." And that was about all I intended to write. Instead, it turned into my longest post in several days.

I signed up for a "religious joke of the day" email thing, and just received today's. It's pretty good:

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Johnny standing in the foyer of the church, looking at a large plaque that hung there. After the young man of seven had stood there for some time, the pastor walked up beside him and said quietly,

"Good morning, son."

"Good morning, Pastor," replied the youngster, not taking his eyes off the plaque. "Can I ask you, Sir, what is this for? Why are all these names listed on here?"

"Well, son, these are all the people who have died in the service," replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together, staring up at the large plaque.

Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, "Which one, Sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30?"

That's about how I feel about church services. Ok, I'm gonna go exercise or something now. I wish it wasn't so cold, I usually like to go for walks when I'm on a diet, but it's been too cold the last week. The last few days the high has been in the 20's sometimes up to low 30's. Yesterday was the warmest day we've had in several days, it got up to something like 48 degrees.

Ok, that's it, I'm leaving now.

Friday, January 24, 2003

Hmmm, tonight at work Shasta had a bad bruise on her face. She said they were playing around, and her boyfriend, John, bit her. But it doesn't really look like a bite mark to me, but she kept telling everyone that that's what it was, a bite mark. If I find out he's been hitting her, I'll hurt him, badly. I already hate him anyway. He used to work at Carl's too, and I hated him. He's a stupid little pothead thug-wannabe.

Someone just told me about the greatest website! I just spent the last three hours browsing this site, and buying things from it. It's got all kinds of Japanese stuff, mostly available only in Japan. All kinds of toys, anime, Japanese foods and snacks, books, clothes, calendars and posters of Japanese women, and adult products, such as hentai and Japanese porno movies. So far all I bought were several weird little Japanese candies, but I'm gonna have to go back and get some of those calendars. I've got a "thing" for Asian women, they are so beautiful.

Yargh, I'm tired. It's about time for bed. And my face hurts, I've been practicing smiling, partly as part of my attempts to develop a better attitude. I never smile, I hardly know how to smile. And partly because of the benefits. Smiling supposedly makes you feel better, and all that.

Thursday, January 23, 2003

Hooray! Happy day! My blog just had its 666th hit! This is truly a day of great import. Mark it on your calendars. I know I will.

Tuesday, January 21, 2003

Crystal got fired! And there was much rejoicing. Everyone seemed to be really happy about it, even Allen, the general manager. When she got fired he wrote on her row of the schedule "fired fired fired fired fired fired fired fired fired no longer works here." She called in saying she wasn't going to be there half an hour after she was already supposed to be there. One of the other Crystals walked out today too, so we now just have one Crystal. The bad thing is that the one that walked out today was one of our better day crew employees.

I'm kinda sore today, I actually exercised some last night and this morning. So I'm just a little sore. I felt good today because of it though. Because of the soreness the muscles were kinda tightened up today, so I felt, and I think looked, a tiny bit thinner. In spite of all the Chinese food I ate yesterday. I'm gonna do a little bit more exercise later, not much though, or I'll be really sore tomorrow. I also got some extra exercise at work by cleaning a few more things than I normally have to do, and I gave everything a really good scrubbing. I actually managed to work up a sweat scrubbing the bathroom floors. Yay, I sound like a loser!

Fuck you. Actually, no. I'm trying to work on my bad attitude a little too. The days of being evil may soon be over. Though I still have a really dark, morbid sense of humor, and will never change that. I actually managed to make it through the whole night at work without getting angry about anything, even the customers. At one point Alicia, who I see is online right now, kept insisting that I was in a bad mood about something, but I wasn't, I was just thinking. Usually I get pissed off at the customers just for being there, but I didn't tonight.

Monday, January 20, 2003

Today was a pretty boring day. I was off today. I got up a little earlier than usual. I've been trying to get up earlier because I've been sleeping too much lately. So far I haven't had much success, but today I managed to get up at 10:00. I just sat around watching tv for a few hours. Then I cleaned the hamster cage and packed it away. Then I got some Chinese food and ate way too much. I'm trying to lose weight, but today I ate so much I felt stuffed for like three hours. I always do that when I eat Chinese food. I hadn't weighed in a long time, but I normally weigh about 275, today I weighed and I only weighed 268. Then I went to the bookstore and bought a couple of books. Then, since I overate, I went to the lake and went for a walk. Not much of one, because it was almost dark, and there are no street lights on the lake road, so it's pitch black around most of it. Usually when I take a walk I walk between three to five miles. There's been times I've been on a diet or something and walked that much almost every night. I can walk forever, walking doesn't bother me, or hurt my feet much. Standing still is what hurts my feet. I can't stand in one spot for more than five or ten minutes before my feet start to really hurt, but I can walk forever. Anyway, tonight I only got to walk for maybe ten minutes. I walked probably about half a mile. I really need to get in shape, I'm in about the worst shape I've ever been in. I've always been in fairly good shape for someone who's fat. When I was 14 I could do 100 sit-ups easy. Now I can only do about 20-25 situps and 6 pushups. Not that I ever do anything like that very often. About once every six months, that's why I'm in such bad shape now. If I can manage to lose about 50 pounds and get in a little better shape I think I'm finally going to take some Karate classes like I've wanted to for so many years.

Yikes! Hey, my chair is working again! I got a nice new desk chair for Christmas, I forgot to mention that before. It's a really nice one, it rolls and leans back, and all those good things. A week ago, however, it suddenly stopped reclining. I was just sitting in it, leaning back, then I sat up, and, a few minutes later, I went to lean back again and it wouldn't anymore. But just now I was sitting in it, and I was sitting back in it when suddenly, POP! Something made a loud pop noise and the chair reclined very quickly and I almost fell over backwards.

Oh, wow! I just got an email from "KrazedLatinThug," promising, and I quote exactly, "25 % Annual Returns on yor money. Yeah, I've always wanted to take financial advice from someone named KrazedLatinThug. Kind of like the other night when I got an email for a porn site from "JuicyBobGurl." I don't think I even want to know what that means.

Well, I'm going to go read now. I'm in the middle of three different books. I do that a lot. I'll buy one book, and then stat reading another book before I'm done with the first one. Sometimes I never do finish the first one. Usually it's something in the first book that makes me want to read the new one. I'll be reading the book and I'll get really interested in the subject, and go and buy some more books about the subject. Ok, bye bitches. Go away.

I bought a book tonight, and already finished it. I started it at about 6:45 and finished it at about 9:45. I'm surprised it took that long, it was only 210 pages, with fairly large print. It's called "Dave Barry Does Japan." Like anything by Dave Barry it was one of the funniest things I've ever read. Dave Barry went to Japan, and wrote all about it. Hilarity insues. It did have one chapter that was serious, about Hiroshima. A very different tone from the rest of the book. In fact, the chapter was seperated from the rest of the book by a dark gray page before and after the chapter. It showed that Dave Barry is capable of writing something touching, instead of just comedy.

Sunday, January 19, 2003

My hamster, Harvey, died. I went to fill her food bowl right before I went to work today, and she was dead. It's sad, but it doesn't bother me that much. I couldn't bury her tonight, because it was dark and all the shovels are in the shed, so I'll have to bury her tomorrow morning.

So, worked tonight, it was slow and boring.

Blah, blah, blah, more of the same shit I always type.

My sister is a pretty good writer. Especially considering she's only 12. I'm jealous of her writing ability sometimes. It does need some work, but just mainly in the spelling and grammar area. Here's a poem she wrote a while back, I think it's amazing. I wish I could write a poem like this. I cleaned it up a little, the spelling and stuff.

She wanted to go so far away,
Away from her parents protection.
So far away to a foreign land,
But knew not which direction.
She wished with all her heart and soul,
That she would sprout wings,
So she could fly away from all the worrying protective things.
If she could sprout those faithful wings,
She would flyaway,
And stay in that foreign land,
For at least one special day.
She might return home,
If she ever felt alone,
but that thought was very doubtful.
She still thought about that land so far away,
She thought about it every day,
Till one day she was gone.
The only ones that stood witness, were the trees that never told,
No one else ever knew how she disappeared into the night so cold.

Here's a story she wrote today at school for an assignment. It's not great, but it's pretty cool.

"Ruuuuun! He's coming!" Screamed one of the townsmen, as a woman and two small children, with tears of terror streaming down their faces, ran past.
"Fiona!...Fiona! Come on...we've got to get out of here before..."
"No," said Fiona, holding up her hand to silence him in mid sentence.
"I said no. Now, get out of here, save yourself. As for me, I have to protect the village." And with that she lifted her bow into the air, pulled back the string, and released the arrow. Launching it forward with the power of a mid-summer hurricane. The arrow flew forward and then, just as it was starting to lose speed, it pierced the demon's head. Everything was quiet. Fiona stood there for a moment, standing perfectly still, letting the wind blow her beautiful, radiant hair, as she waited to make sure the demon wasn't going to move. Then, slowly, she walked towards it. When she got there she stood looking down at the demon. He looked strangely peaceful laying there with his eyes closed, with his silvery-white hair sprawled out around his head on the ground, and with no sign of hate or anger on his face, but she knew that even after death the demon was still just as evil as it was before.

I think it's safe to say she's been watching way too much anime, especially Inuyasha. That's her second favorite show, I think the only show she likes better is Yu-Gi-Oh.

Time for bed! WHOOSH!

Saturday, January 18, 2003

WHOOSH! I am Superhero! I am Professor Sakiyoshi, given strange powers by a glass of radioactive Tang! I have the power of flight, and the ability to eat my weight in ham! And then I fart and blow walls down and bad guys away! WHOOSH!

Yay! I'm insane!

Dammit, I have to work with Crystal tonight. Well, maybe, maybe not. She kept getting in trouble at work last night, and finally Daniel told her, "You can either come in with a different attitude tomorrow, or don't come in at all." So she might not even come in tonight, and if she does she might not last the night. I think Daniel works tonight too. Maybe. It might be Curtis tonight. I hope it's Daniel, I like him better than Curtis.

So, yeah, I bought a book yesterday, "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Karate." One of those "Complete Idiot's Guide" books, a rip off of the "Dummies" books. I own several Martial Arts books, it's always been my dream to take a Karate class or something. I've done some training by myself, from books, but I've never had a real teacher. I used to do Tai Chi for a while, but stopped after a month or so. I've also got several books over Jeet Kune Do, Bruce Lee's fighting style, and I've learned some from those. This is the first book I've read about Karate, though. I really want to take a class, but I'm too shy, and some of them can be expensive. There's been a few times lately I've almost went out and tried to find one to join, but so far the farthest I've gotten is looking up all the different schools in the Yellow Pages.

Well, I gotta get ready for work now.

Cool bit of wisdom I just read in a Karate book I bought: "A hand that is tightly clenched is called a fist. A hand that remains forever tightly clenched is called deformed. A balance between hard and soft determines usefulness."

Friday, January 17, 2003

Well, I'm still in a good mood, but now I'm really bored. I was wanting to get out and do something social tonight, so I went up to Carl's Jr. in the hopes that they'd be doing something tonight at Daniel's house and I'd get invited over. The trouble is, I'm really shy about asking about stuff like that, I couldn't just ask him, "Hey, are you guys doing anything tonight?" or ask if I could come over, or anything like that. Instead I just went up there and talked to him, and complained about being bored. Finally he said, "I'd invite you over tonight, but I'm gonna try to get some sleep tonight." So I just came back home. Before I went to Carl's I just drove around in my car listening to my new cd and one of my Devo cds for about 2 hours.

Damn, I'm bored. Maybe I'll get my old Nintendo out and play some old school Nintendo games.

They had another shirt at HotTopic today I really liked. It said, "I'm like a superhero, with no powers or motivation."

Yikes, I was worried a few hours ago. When I was driving home from Oklahoma City (where I went shopping) I saw Alicia's car by the side of the road by the Goldsby exit. By the time I realized it was her car I had already passed the exit, so I drove a few more miles to the Ladd Road exit and turned around there and went back. I could see she wasn't in her car, but there were two gas stations just a hundred yards or so away, so I went to see if she was at either one of those waiting for a ride or something. I didn't see her at either of them. I even gave a description and asked them if she'd come in asking to use the phone or asking for help or anything, but they all said they hadn't. So I looked around the area some more, and then got back on the highway to Purcell, keeping an eye for Alicia, in case she was stupid and tried to walk. She couldn't have walked it, it was way too far to Purcell, but that doesn't neccesarily mean she wouldn't try. I got back to Purcell and went straight to Carl's Jr. to ask Daniel if he'd heard from her or anything, and he said "Yeah, her car's broke down on the highway. She just showed up here earlier, I don't know if she got a ride or walked or what. My brother's going up later to tow her car back to town." So, I guess she's ok then, but I was kinda worried for awhile.

Ah ha! I knew this shirt was different! I was certain that, used to, when I saw this shirt at HotTopic it just said "Roots" but the one I bought today says, "Know your Roots." I knew that was different, and here's the proof, from the Hot Topic online store:

Other than that, the two shirts are identical.

Oh man! I'm in an amazing mood right now! Partly because today's been a pretty good day. I got up and went to the mall and went shopping for a while, and got a new shirt at HotTopic. It's white and has an old original Nintendo Entertainment System controller on the front and says, "Know your Roots." I do have one complaint though, who the hell sizes HotTopic's clothes? I can go to any other store and get a X-Large t-shirt and it fits just fine. I used to get X-Large from HotTopic too, but suddenly their X-Large was so small on me I can't even get them on, and I haven't gained weight. Not more than 5 pounds, anyway. I had wanted this shirt for a long time, but HotTopic never has anything bigger than X-large, in fact, sometimes it's hard to find even that. Well, today they had XX-Large in several of their shirts, including this one, so I bought it. I didn't try it on, I figured it should fit fine. But for some reason, this XX-Large is too small! I can barely wear it. As long as it doesn't shrink any I think I can wear it, if I stretch it out a little when I put it on. It's weird though, I can go anywhere else and buy a X-Large and it fits!

The main reason I'm in such a great mood is the cd I ordered from finally came in. "Hit & Run Holiday" by My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult! This is the greatest album ever! I've been wanting this album for years, but none of the stores carry anything by that band around here. I've never even heard of them except I heard a few songs by them on an "underground" radio show once. That's the only time I've ever heard of them. I've been looking for this cd ever since, and finally found it on This album is amazing! Here's a typical customer review of it from

Five Stars! Left-field Magnum Opus - Mad Life On The Road w/ TKK!!!, September 28, 2001
Reviewer: Baron Dakota from NEW YORK United States.
This CD marks the moment when Thrill Kill Kult outgrew the more stoic portion of their fanbase. After the satirical, sample-slam, Goth/Industrial devilry of their first 3 albums, and then the satirical, sampladelic, creepy-cheesey celebration of SEX and Disco on "Sexplosion!", AND then the perfect consolidation of both on "13 Above The Night", TKK opted for something new. And old, per se.

This record is a satirical (surprise!), sampladelic, b!tches brew of clashing sub-genres that obliterated expectations in 1995. Greasy biker-trash imagery reverberates hard across a musical landscape of demented, 60's surf-rock cliches, spaghetti western motifs, strip club glitz, the REAL soundtrack to "Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas". Being on tour in a bus of madness for years, really coaxed the definitive Road Epic out of Thrill Kill Kult. A fantasy of desperate decadence.

Because this started out as a vehicle for the chicks in the band (Bomb Gang Girls), CinderellaPussy, and Jackie Blacque garner alot of the vocal spotlights on this disc. Having seen them live numerous times, these bunnies really kick, and their off-kilter howlings about their nutcase adventures are hilarious AND earnest.

"Glamour Is A Rocky Road", "The Golden Strip", and "Babylon Drifter" are the anchors that frame this disc, and rank as 3 of TKK's best songs ever. A bonfire of humor, disturbing notions, and wild abandon.

"Hit And Run Holiday" is absolutely cinematic, and will stand as one of My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult's most fully-realized, and outrageous artistic achievements.

Get it while you can.

B. Dakota

Boom! This cd is so cool my head explodes!

The only thing that could make this day any better is if I got laid. But we all know that's not going to happen.

Hey cool, looks like I actually got a few hits today, about 5 or 6. That's the most hits I've had in a month at least. I got a lot of hits the first few months, but now the last couple of months it's been steadily going downhill. I guess the work I did last night submitting my site to all those places actually helped a little.

Brrr. It's cold here. It's only 22 degrees outside.

Ummmm, I can't really think of anything to write about tonight. Well, I'm off tomorrow, so I'll probably post a few times tomorrow. Maybe I'll actually have something to say, or at least a few links. I have several links I could post right now, but there's not really any point posting anything if I have no visitors. All this blog is really good for now is talking to myself or sending messages to Alicia. And even she hardly gets to read it anymore, because her phone was cut off. So, basically, I'm just sitting here talking to myself. I can't beleive I've been doing this blog for four months already. I never thought it would last this long. I had a blog a few years ago and I only posted to it twice and then never again. This was back before Blogs became so popular. In fact I'd never even heard of weblogs back then, this site called itself an online diary. It was like "" or something like that. I've had this site for a while now, but if I don't start getting some visitors I may stop bothering with it.

Oh well, gotta go for now.

Thursday, January 16, 2003

Dammit! Blogger was down for the last few hours for "maintenance," so I couldn't make any of the posts and stuff I wanted to do tonight. So I just spent the time submitting my blog to many different places. Maybe now I'll get some visitors again. I got a new "rate me" thing down there. So, if there is anyone out there, please click on it and give me a good rating. That will help get me a high ranking and maybe get some more visitors.

Well, it's 2:00 a.m. now, I need to get some sleep.

Wednesday, January 15, 2003

Tonight at work Alicia asked me, as I knew she would, "what's with this topic change on your blog?" And I, in my usual strange manner, responded with something along the lines of, "it's because puppies have invaded my brain!" And she said, "horny puppies, apparently," and I said "Yes, horny puppies that hump everyone's legs!"

Other than that, tonight sucked, it was kinda busy, for the lobby anyway. We usually don't get many customers inside at night. It took me a long time to get done tonight.

Dammit, I'm not getting any visitors anymore. All the numbers on my counter are coming from Alicia and myself. I'm gonna have to submit my site to some more search engines and websites and stuff.

Here's a great site.

If I bought condoms, this is where I would buy them. QuikCondoms sells every brand of condom at discount prices. Up to 75% off store prices. And on top of that, you get free shipping! They even have a special 100 pack of assorted condoms, a condom sampler of all the different brands and styles, for only $29.99! That's only about 30 cents a condom. They also sell lubes, also at cheap prices. On top of cheap prices and free shipping you also get a free gift, often a small sample pack of an ounce or so of lube, with every order!

They are more than a store. They also have information. Safe sex tips, sex advice, sex humor, and sex related how-to's. (That's where I got the "strange sex laws" thing in my previous post.) They even have an online Kama Sutra.

So, ummm. If you buy condoms, you should go there.

This entire post was a commercial. They should pay me. Bitches.

Tuesday, January 14, 2003

The New and Improved "Underground Lair!" Now with 100% more evil!

Well, maybe, maybe not. Maybe not "New and Improved," but there ARE going to be a few changes, most notably in content. I'm still trying to find a new look for the site, I may end up making my own template, but for now I'm sticking with this look. Mostly there's going to be a change in the content of the site. I'm going to give you people what I know you want, and certainly what I want, more sex. Not details from my sex life, as there still are none. But I'm gonna start posting more links and stories that are sex-related. There has been a definite lack of anything to do with sex on this site, mostly because that's a subject I'm kinda shy about, even when I'm not talking about myself, and some of the people that read this site are people I know in the real world. But, that's over. I've learned to be not so shy about sexuality. blah blah blah. Shut up and get on with the sex. Ok, here's one.

Strange but true sex laws still on the books in American cities.

* In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.

* No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.

* Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you or holding you in his arms.

* Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown- if they're nude. (Apparently, if you wear socks, you're safe from the law!)

* In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds!

* The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.

* An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer!

* A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.

* In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can't go out without wearing a corset. (There was a civil-service job -- for men only -- called a corset inspector.)

* However, in Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because "the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male."

* It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.

* Another law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.

* Lovers in Liberty Corner, New Jersey, should avoid satisfying their lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while they are frolicking behind the wheel, the couple can face a jail term.

* In Carlsbad, New Mexico, it's legal for couples to have sex in aparked vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car or van has drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in.

* A Florida sex law: If you're a single, divorced, or widowed woman, you can't parachute on Sunday afternoons.

* Women aren't allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio a man might see the reflection of something "he oughtn't!"

* No woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within the boundaries of Tremonton, Utah. If caught, the woman can be charged with a sexual misdemeanor and "her name is to be published in the local newspaper." The man isn't charged nor is his name revealed.

Like I needed a test to tell me this?

Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You?
quiz, by Angel.

I like tests, though. If you haven't noticed.

My Blogger is working today.

My Blogger is all screwed up tonight. I write a new post and hit the publish button and it says it published it just fine, but then when I view my blog none of the new posts are there. The "Old Preacher" post is the last one that is showing up. I just figured out that for some reason I can select the link for the archive of this week and the posts are there, but when I return to the "current" posts, they aren't there. I don't know if it's just something weird with my computer, or if nobody can see my posts. I know I haven't been getting many visitors lately, but if there is someone out there viewing this, and you can see this post and the other ones I've made since the preacher joke, please send me an email telling me that it works for you so I'll at least know. There's an email link over there on the left.

I was going to premiere the "New and Improved" Underground Lair tonight, but I want to wait until the site is actually working.

Monday, January 13, 2003

Dammit, my Blogger is fucking up.

In honor of George W. Bush and his warmongering ways, and his apparent intent to start a war with every enemy the U.S. has, here's another Pink Floyd song, also from the album "The Final Cut."

Two Suns in the Sunset

In my rear view mirror the sun is going down
Sinking behind bridges in the road
and I think of all the good things
That we have left undone
And I suffer premonitions
Confirm suspicions
Of the Holocaust to come

The wire that holds the cork
That keeps the anger in
Gives way
And suddenly it's day again
The sun is in the east
Even though the day is done
Two suns in the sunset
Could be the human race is run

Like the moment when the brakes lock
And you slide towards the big truck
You stretch the frozen moments with your fear
And you'll never hear their voices
And you'll never see their faces
You have no recourse to the law anymore

And as the windshield melts
My tears evaporate
Leaving only charcoal to defend
Finally I understand
The feelings of the few
Ashes and diamonds
Foe and friend
We were all equal in the end

Here's a cool joke I got in the email today:

The Old Preacher

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and the attorney were touched and flattered that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moment. They were also puzzled because the preacher had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.

Finally, the lawyer asked, "Preacher, why did you ask the two of us to come?"

The old preacher mustered up some strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go, too."

Sunday, January 12, 2003

Well, my parents are going to be mourning this for a while, especially my dad.

"MIAMI BEACH, Fla. (Jan. 12) - Maurice Gibb, a member of the famed disco band the Bee Gees, died Sunday at a Miami Beach hospital, his family said. He was 53.

"Gibb, who joined with his older brother and his twin to harmonize their way to becoming one of the best selling musical groups ever, suffered cardiac arrest before undergoing emergency surgery for a blocked intestine. He was admitted to Mount Sinai Medical Center Wednesday and underwent surgery Thursday.

"''To our extended family friends and fans, with great sadness and sorrow we regretfully announce the passing of Maurice Gibb this morning,'' Gibb's family said in a statement. ''His love, enthusiasm and energy for life remain an inspiration to all of us. We will all deeply miss him.''"

My parents loved the BeeGees. A couple of Christmases ago my mom bought my dad every BeeGees album there is on CD. I like them too, but not that much.

Goddammit, time for work.

I added a "mood indicator" thing down there. You have to scroll down a little to see it, it's under my links. Woo hoo, I'm so excited.

(hint: that was sarcasm.)

Cool, South Park is on. Our cable company just started carrying Comedy Central a few days ago. I've only seen about 5 episodes of South Park, and the movie.

Saturday, January 11, 2003

So, I bought a new DVD the other night. I never rent, and hardly ever go to the movies If there's a movie I want to see, I either wait for it to come out on HBO or buy it when it comes out on DVD. So I buy movies all the time without ever having seen them before. Anyway, the other night I bought "Iron Monkey," it was great. It was a lot like "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." It had the same style, unrealistic, but cool, wire fighting. In some ways it was better than Crouching Tiger, but in most ways it wasn't as good. It had a lot more action than Crouching Tiger, more, and flashier, fight scenes, and less long story, and less depression. But I like the story of Crouching Tiger, I liked the long story and tragic ending. Crouching Tiger is one of my favorite movies.

Speaking of movies, seen any good porn lately? I read a story the other day about some place did a study over the affects of porn on women. To see how porn affected women differently than men. It said they found that, with men, arousal is "target specific," meaning that straight men are aroused by women, and gay men are aroused by men. But with women, arousal is much less "target specific," most women were aroused by anything. Even if they considered themselves heterosexual, most women were aroused by images of man on woman, woman on woman, and man on man. The story is here. I wish someone would pay me to sit around watching porn.

So, is there anyone else out there who thinks that Mr. T is the embodiment of God on earth? Or if not God, pretty damn close.

Well, I was right, work was really slow again tonight, except we got a bus at about 6:00. From some town none of us have ever heard of; Tushka, or something like that. Tushka, sounds Russian or something. But other than the bus, it was really slow, and I got sent home at 9:00 again. Tomorrow I have to work from 2:00 to 10:00. I hate working Sundays, they're usually slow, but, whether it's slow or not, the night always drags by and feels like it's never going to end. And there's pretty much no chance of me getting off early tomorrow, unless it's so slow he decides to send both of the front line people home early, but that's very doubtful. To make it worse, I have to work with Crystal tomorrow, and we still hate each other now. She still wants to kill me. Oh well, whatever. I don't like her much either, not anymore.

Tomorrow promises to be a very long, boring, annoying day.

Dammit, I keep trying to find a new template, a new layout for my blog, but Blogger's selection sucks. The only ones that have layouts that I like, have color schemes I don't like. They're all colorful and pastel and cheerful looking. Well, some of them aren't quite that cheerful, but none of them is quite evil enough. The one I like best is yellow. But I don't want a yellow blog. Yellow does not say "Evil Genius' Underground Lair." Yellow says "Sunshine." Black, that's what I want. Or at least shades of gray or dark blue. Not yellow, or light blue, or a happy shade of green. Bah.

This one I'm using is the most evil looking one. There are a couple that are suitable as far as color scheme goes, but their layouts suck. They would require major html tweaking to be suitable for my needs. For example, they don't have a place to stick links, or a place I can use to put various little icons and test results and counters and stuff like that. So, for now at least, I'll stick with this one.

Meanwhile, at the palace of Big Fat Ass the Hutt...

"Droid! Where is my tall refreshing glass of hot frothy lard!?" asks Big Fat Ass the Hutt.

"It's on its way, Mr. Big Fat Ass, sir!" calls CT-14 from the adjoining room. "Here it is, Master," he says as he walks in with a tray on which there is a tall frothy steaming glass of hot lard. Big Fat Ass the Hutt grabs the glass and drinks it quickly, most of it running down his front.

"Mmmm, fresh squeezed," He says, and makes a disgusting squelching noise.

Back at Kevin's blog...

Tonight at work was really boring. It was very slow. We only made like $17.99 the entire hour from 8:00 to 9:00. We figure it's been slow the last couple of night because there is a basketball tournament this weekend, but it's in another town, a pretty good distance from us. If that is why we're slow, maybe we'll be slow tomorrow night too. It was so slow, I was sent home at 9:00, I was supposed to work until 11:30.

Well, I better go to bed, it's 1:30 a.m.

Friday, January 10, 2003

Ok, I'm done. I'm through being depressed. Things aren't any better, but I'm fine with that again. I'll just push my feelings back down inside myself where they usually are, and ignore them again. Sorry about the last week or so. The long depressing rants are over.

I was just going through my writings files on my computer, and found something I had forgotten about. It's just something I wrote one day. It's weird because I'm not a religious person, at least not Christian anyway, but I occasionally write Christian things. Sort of "writings in the Christian mythos." Anyway, I wrote this, it's nothing much, I didn't think it was that good, but several people told me they really liked it. One person told me "To me it's very comforting, and gives me hope. it makes me feel like maybe God really is only asleep, and one day he'll wake up and make everything right." Whatever. I mainly just wrote it because I wanted to make God call people "bastards." Anyway, here it is:

God was tired, and decided to go to sleep. “Not for very long,” He said to Himself, “just a short nap.” But time for God is different than time for us, and one day to Him is as many thousands of years to us. So when He awoke, he found that things had changed. Dirty cities now exist where once were the beautiful lands He had created, and the people had changed too. In His absence the people had forgotten Him, and had an attitude toward him sort of like a story one tells to children to make them go to bed, or eat their peas. “You better behave, or God will get you.”

God looked down and saw his people fighting with each other, killing each other for their shoes. He saw children killing other children. And He saw people stepping over other people, who lay in the streets, starving. He saw people killing each other in His name. He saw His holy land stained with blood.

God saw all this, and in His sorrow he said, “What bastards my children have become, for they have forgotten their Father.”

Thursday, January 09, 2003

Here's a cool song by Pink Floyd. It's called "Paranoid Eyes." It's supposed to be about a war veteran, but I think some of it kind of describes how I feel.

Paranoid Eyes

Button your lip don't let the shield slip
Take a fresh grip on your bullet proof mask
And if they try to break down your disguise
With their questions
You can hide hide hide
Behind paranoid eyes

You put on your brave face and slip over the road for a jar
Fixing your grin as you casually lean on the bar
Laughing too loud at the rest of the world
With the boys in the crowd
You hide hide hide
Behind petrified eyes

You believed in their stories of fame fortune and glory
Now you're lost in a haze of alcohol and soft middle age
The pie in the sky turned out to be miles too high
And you hide hide hide
Behind brown and mild eyes

I'm a puppy, kick me!

I'm off today, and I have no idea what I'm going to do today. So far it's almost 3:30 and I havent done a damn thing. I didn't even wake up until noon. I hate that, I hate sleeping past 11:00. If I do it just seems like the day is almost over, and the rest of the day always flies by, and it just ruins my day and puts me in a cranky mood. I'm probably gonna go hang out at Carl's Jr later, because my life sucks, and that's the best thing I have to do.

Cool, I have my MP3 player set on random, and now it's playing "Lucky Ball and Chain" by They Might Be Giants. They rule.

Daniel and Olivia's phone got cut off, because they couldn't pay the bill. So Alicia has no internet access and can't update her blog. It sucks. They will probably get the phone back on the next payday.

Now my computer is playing "Owner of a Lonely Heart." What an appropriate song.

Speaking of which, I've really gotta do something. Get some pills or something. I've been so depressed the last couple of months, and it just keeps getting worse every day. And especially every night. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in over a week. I get so depressed at nights I can't even get to sleep anymore. I lie there deeply depressed or crying half the night. I've always been a cryer, my whole life. People who know me may be surprised by that, because I usually do not show any emotions, as little as I possibly can. But I cry all the time, not just from being depressed. Sometimes a beautiful piece of music, or a movie can bring a tear to my eye. Christmas specials especially. The Charlie Brown Christmas Special made me cry like a baby a few weeks ago. I don't think anyone noticed, but I was so depressed at the New Years Eve party that most of the time I was sitting over there by myself I was crying. I don't know how people didnt notice, I had tears running down my cheeks at several points. My new coat is tear-stained from it too.

It's the same old crap that's depressing me. I'm very lonely, and no one wants me. I would love some human contact. Even in a non-sexual, just friendly way. I hardly ever touch anyone, and no one touches me. About the only human contact I have in my life is when people walk past and accidentally bump into or brush against me, or when I hand people their change at work. That's basically the only contact in my life. Last night at work Alicia had some flour or something on the back of her shirt, and she had me wipe it off. That's the first time I've purposely touched someone in a long time (besides kicking them, playful or otherwise). Sometimes it is by choice I don't touch people. I have a problem with touching. Like at the Christmas party at work we were supposed to join hands in a big circle and pray, but I freaked out and refused to touch anyone. So, sometimes, when I'm in a bad mood or something, I don't want to touch or be touched. But the rest of the time, my mind and body both are starved for a little human contact. Even my family doesn't touch me. My family has never been big on touching or showing affection. I have never in my life seen my parents kiss, or even hug each other. That's the main thing that's wrong with me I think. They say that a kid that grows up in a house like that will be really shy. I've been hugged probably maybe ten times in the last 15 years or so. Most of those by relatives, like grandparents and aunts, and stuff like that. I've only hugged two girls that were not relatives, in my entire life.

Then another thing that bothers me is of course the whole sex and relationships thing. I'm 23 and I've only had sex once. I've only been out with one girl, and that wasn't anything really serious. She didn't consider herself my girlfriend, and if I accidentally suggested such a thing she got angry. We just went out four times, on pretty lame dates. I've never had a real relationship, with a real girlfriend, someone who loved me. Nearly all my old friends, and most of the people around here my age are already married and have a kid or two. My parents had been married for five years by the time they were my age.

Then another thing that depresses me is my total lack of a life. I'm 23 and I still live with my parents. I have a dead-end, nothing job, and no college education or anything. I've dropped out of college twice. I still just have no idea what I want to do, nothing interests me enough to go to school for it, or make a career out of it. Or the stuff that does interest me I just have no talent in, like writing, or something artistic or musical, or even acting, I've always thought acting would be cool if only I weren't so shy. I'd be a good villian. I need to get off my ass and at least go to a community college or vo-tech or something, and then find me a real job and move out of my parent's place, and then find a nice woman to maybe marry. But I just have no motivation to do any of that. I'm too lazy, I like having free time. I like being able to do what I want to do. I like being able to sit around and read, or surf the internet, or play video games, or watch cartoons, or whatever I want to do at the moment. That's why I wish I could just win a good lottery. $10 million or so. I'd buy a new car and a decent house, and then just stick the rest in the bank, or invest it, and live off the interest for the rest of my life. I'd still probably have a job, but I would be able to get by with something easy, like Carl's Jr. I enter contests and stuff all the time online. Things like, and Publisher's Clearinghouse stuff.

Ok, enough whining and bitching. And this post is huge. I'm done now.

P.S. Here's a quote I heard a moment ago on a song (my computer is now playing Chumbawamba) that I really like: "There ain't no justice, just us."

Tuesday, January 07, 2003

Pikachu sez: "fuck off."

I'm all fat. Actually it looks like I've lost a few pounds the last few days. I don't know why though. I've been eating like a pig ever since Christmas. I think I'm gonna go exercise some, I've been meaning to start again. Though I don't know why, it never does much good. But I think I'm gonna try again. Dieting and exercise. It's weird, I always lose like 10 or 15 pounds in the first 2 or 3 weeks. But then it stops, and no matter what I do, I can't lose more than about 20 pounds.


If there's one thing I know, it's how to wait.
I've been waiting all my life.
The stars spin overhead, circling around me,
But I do not change.
I remain here, waiting.
Waiting, for life.

Here's another test I just took. The "What Kind of Seducer Are You?" test. Very interesting results. Though I don't think of myself as any kind of seducer, I'd have to agree with some of this. I'm surprised I didn't get "The Anti-Seducer," though I'm glad I didn't.

I am the Star

Daily life is harsh, and most of us constantly seek escape from it in fantasies and dreams. Stars feed on this weakness; standing out from others through a distincitve and appealing type, they make us want to watch them. At the same time, they are vague and ethereal, keeping their distance, and letting us imagine more than is there. Their dreamlike quality works on our unconscious. Learn to become an object of fascination by projecting the glittering but elusive presence of the star.

Symbol: The Idol. A piece of stone carved into the shape of a god, perhaps glittering with gold and jewels. The eyes of the worshippers fill the stone with life, imagining it to have real powers. Its shape allows them to see what they want to see - a god - but it actually just a piece of stone. The god lives in their imaginations.

What Type of Seducer are You?
created by polite_society

Monday, January 06, 2003

Damn, my feet stink, what's up with that? My feet hardly ever stink. But for some reason they've been smelling the last few days.

Speaking of feet, today at work, not too long after I got there, I got some ranch sauce on top of my shoe. It was really gross looking. It looked like a bird had shit on my shoe. Or I had gotten really excited and came on my foot, especially after it dried out. It's still on there, it's really gross looking. And smelling.

Hmmmm. Alicia has a "tag-board" message thing on her website. Maybe I'll put one of those on my blog. I'm always copying her. She had a blog first, and I saw it and I was like "whoa, that's cool, I gotta get me one of those." Then she became obsessed with Rocky Horror Picture Show, and now I am too. We also both like to eat honey-mustard sauce with french fries, but I didn't know I was copying her. I just started eating them like that, and she was like, hey I like that too.

Brrrr. I'm cold. I'm hardly ever cold at home. It's usually hot to me. I like the cold. It's like 29 degrees outside right now, though.

I'm bored. There's nothing decent on tv to watch, and I cant find any (non-pornographic) websites that catch my interest. Oh wait, I know. I never wrote about what I got for Christmas. My birthday was just a few days before Christmas. December 19th. I got a nice leather jacket. Too bad I hate leather jackets. It's not too bad though, once the leather smell stops being so strong it will be ok. For Christmas I got Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, Metroid Prime, a really nice new printer, and some socks and underwear. That's the first time in my life my parents have gotten me socks or underwear as a present. The printer is really nice, it's an HP psc 2210 all-in-one. It's a printer, scanner, copier, fax machine all in one. It took me like two weeks to get it to work on my computer. For some reason HP printers have trouble with Mac OSX version 10.2.2 and so I had to spend several days downloading a bunch of patches and crap. We thought we were going to have to take it back, but I finally got it working.

Hey, I know. I'm gonna go play The Sims, I haven't played that in a long time.

Sunday, January 05, 2003

I ended up going to the bookstore, well, Borders, they have books, music, movies, etc... I bought a weird combination of items. I bought the Rocky Horror Picture Show movie soundtrack. It's pretty cool, it's even got dialogue from the movie leading up to the song. So it's got like most of the movie on it. On the bad side it's pretty bad sound quality, it sounds like someone made it in their basement with a tape recorder and a copy of the movie, and then did some quick editing. But it's by Rhino Records, so that shouldn't be the case. I also bought a book called, "Christ: A Crisis in the Life of God." It sounds like a very interesting book. The back reads

"With the same passionate scholarship and analytical audacity he brought to the character of God, Jack Miles now approaches the literary and theological enigma of Jesus. In so doing, he tells the story of a broken promise - God's ancient covenant with Isreal - and of its strange, unlooked-for fulfillment. For, having abandoned his chosen people to an impending holocaust at the hands of their Roman conquerors, God, in the person of Jesus, chooses to die with them, in what is effectively an act of divine suicide.

"On the basis of this shocking argument, Miles compels us to reassess Christ's entire life and teaching. His proclivity for the powerless and disgraced. His refusal to discriminate between friends and enemies. His transformation of defeat into a victory that redeems not just Isreal, but the entire world. Combining a close reading of the Gospels with a range of reference that includes Donne, Nietzsche, and Elie Weisel, Christ: A Crisis in the Life of God is a work of magnificent eloquence and imagination."

I have a whole collection of books like this. Controversial religious writings, Dead Sea Scrolls, the "True Story" of Jesus, and stuff like that. I like to think of myself as a religious scholar. I read about all different religions, I only recently started studying Christianity, because Christianity is about the only religion I don't like. Actually I don't have anything against Christianity, just most Christians. But, let's save that rant for another time.

Quack, quack, quack. Time to go duck scrub the bathrooms. Sorry, inside joke that would take way too long to explain.

Ummm. I have nothing other than that to say at this time. I think I'm actually going to leave the house now. I've been awake since 11:00 but I've hardly left my room. I haven't even turned any lights on yet. I don't need them on in here during the day, but now it's starting to get dark. It's almost night, time for me to come alive. Time to feed. Not really, but I do get much more active at night. So, I'm gonna leave now. I have no idea what I'm gonna do or where I'm gonna go, but I'm at least gonna get out for awhile. I'll probably write more later. Fuckers.

Hmmm. Weird night at work tonight. Me and Alicia were both hyper, and I spent most of the night goofing off talking to her instead of doing my job. Tonight she kept accusing me of being obsessed with her, because I write about her all the time, and stuff like that. I told her that it's because she's about the only thing I have to write about, I have a boring life, and because she's one of my best friends. In fact, she's my best friend, after Chris, and he's hardly ever around anymore, so...

I had something important to write about tonight, something important to me, anyway. Something, I wanted to say, but I'm having second thoughts now. Well, I was always having second thoughts about it, because it's not something that's easy for me to say. But now I'm also having second thoughts because I just don't think it's the right time to say it. But it's something I want to say, and something I need to say. Ok, here it goes, for better or worse.

You see, long before Crystal, and before Kristina (the only girl I've ever gone out with), there was Alicia. I've known Alicia for, what, something like two years now. And she's always been my friend. We got along together right from the start, and it wasn't long after she started work at Carl's before I considered her my friend. We would goof off and talk to each other, and say stupid and funny things, and do stupid and funny voices, crap like that. Pretty much what we still do now. Not too long after she started work there, Bill, one of the other managers told me, "You know who I think would make a cute couple?" And I was like, "no." And he said "You and Alicia." At the time I thought it was a stupid idea, she was just my friend, I didn't really think of her in that way at all. Not that I thought she was ugly or anything like that, I had just never really thought of it before. But then, about a year ago, I did start to think of her as a potential girlfriend. I never said anything about it to her though, though I really wanted to. I did finally mention it to Daniel, I told her that I had developed a "crush" on Alicia, and that I was thinking of maybe giving her something for valentines day, and finally saying something to her about my feelings for her then. I asked him if he had ever heard her say anything about liking me or anything like that, but he said he hadn't, but that we were friends, and it probably wouldnt hurt to try. In the end I, big surprise, chickened out. I didn't get her anything, and I didn't say anything to her. She was completely oblivious to it, which was kinda funny, because a couple of other people that worked there were starting to get suspicious, they had figured out that I liked Alicia. Anyway, I never said anything, and kinda got over it for awhile, but not completely over it, I still liked her.

Time passed, and Summer came, and Alicia left. She left for Colorado, she was going to be there the entire Summer, and was going to come back when school started back up. Before she left we exchanged email adresses and then the very night she arrived in Colorado she Instant Messaged me. And we talked for quite some time. She said that she already missed me and everyone else, and that she had already sent me something. I got the package a couple of days later, it was a Dilbert coffee mug, I love it. Anyway, we talked and she was all like "being gone away from everyone I've come to realize some things" and all that. And then she suddenly said "we should go out," I was amazed. I was like "NOW you say something!" And I told her about how I had wanted to go out with her for some time. She said she had no idea, blah blah blah, to make a long story short, we decided that when she came back we would go out sometime. Then she ended up coming back like three days later, she just didn't like Colorado and had to come back early because she missed everyone. A couple of days later I asked her, "so, are we still gonna go out sometime?" and she said yeah, but then that night, or the next night, I don't remember, she Instant Messaged me and said that she couldn't go out with me after all. I was very upset. Especially since I had just lost Kristina like two or three weeks before.

I was kinda mad with Alicia for awhile after that, but eventually I stopped hating her. Like I said before, Alicia is one of my best friends. She's my friend, and I love her. I don't like seeing her upset about anything and I'd never intentionally do anything to hurt her. And now, I've kinda developed a "crush" on her again. I'd still really like to go out with her sometime. The last few days especially, she's been on my mind a lot. That's why i had to write this. It would have been really hard to say anything to her face, so I'm saying it here. But it had to be said, I had to let it out, because it's been hurting me. And now I just hope I havent hurt her. She just went through a breakup and has really been hurt by it, so this was probably not the best time to say all this, but I couldn't hold it in anymore.

It's always upset me that, apparently Alicia's not interested in me. She almost never mentions me on her blog or website, and she even has a list of her friends on her website, and I'm not even on it. Or I wasnt the last time I looked, anyway. And then there's been a couple of times where she's like "Here's all the guys I like," and I'm not on that list either.

So maybe this is another one of those "unreturned love" stories, but that's what my life is all about. That's been the history of my life. Always in love, but never loved.

I'm also worried that maybe I shouldn't go out with Alicia anyway. I really want to, but I know that if I did, I'd just end up hurting her, because I'm a stupid asshole with some major problems. And the last thing I want to do is hurt her. She's been hurt enough.

I have to go now

Saturday, January 04, 2003

Oh yeah, some New Years details I forgot to mention. I was so drunk, that I, of course, did not drive home, so I slept on the loveseat. Alicia gave me one of her pillows to use. Then she accused me of sniffing it. I was just sitting over there and she was like "You're sniffing my pillow!" Then the next day she said that I had sex with her pillow. I protested and she said "Then what was that all over it?" and I said "I don't know, probably drool."

It was fun. I hate sleeping at other people's houses though, because I never do much sleeping. I went to sleep about 3 a.m. or so, and got up sometime during the night and had to spend about 30 minutes in the bathroom. I threw up a little, and then just kinda hung out in the bathroom until I felt better. I like bathrooms, bathrooms are cool places. One time when I was a kid I was really sick, and I was in the bathroom sitting in front of the toilet throwing up and stuff, and then I felt so bad I just kinda laid down in the floor in front of the toilet and fell asleep for an hour or two. Then I woke up, saw it was 7:00 and I thought I had slept there the whole night and that it was 7:00 a.m., and started getting ready for school. I was so sick, and tired from throwing up so much, I was kinda out of it. Anyway, ummmm, where was I?

Oh yeah, then after I hung out in their bathroom for a while, I went back to the loveseat to go to sleep, but I got kinda lost on the way. Usually I can see in the dark really well, but the alcohol must've done something to my night vision or something, because I couldn't see a fucking thing. I missed the door to the living room, and ended up in the kitchen, and I ran into something, and I was all feeling of it, and I was like, "What the fuck is this?" Cause I was still kinda drunk and not thinking straight, I finally figured out that it was the stove or something, because I saw across the room a digital display like on a microwave or something, and I figured out I was in the kitchen, and that meant the door to the living room was a foot or so behind me. So I finally made it back to the loveseat, and went back to sleep. But it wasnt a very good sleep, I never can sleep over at other people's houses. So I woke up at like 6:00 a.m. and from then on I was just waking up like every 10 minutes, until Daniel and Olivia woke up at like 10:45 and I was able to leave. Then I went home and slept like a baby until 1:30 when I had to get ready for work. Surprisingly, other than a slightly sick stomach when I first got up at 10:45, I had no hangover or anything. In fact, I felt really good the whole day.

Ummmmmmm, ok. I guess that's about it. That's really a lot more than I was planning on writing when I sat down here. I was just gonna write a couple of sentences about how I slept on the loveseat and drooled on Alicia's pillow.

Oh, and by the way, if you haven't figured it out yet, Alicia is now living with Daniel and Olivia. She moved in with them a few days ago.

Oh, also: Alicia, I did sniff your pillow. But then again, I sniff everything, you know that. It smelled like a combination of you, and old musty house. Like the rest of Daniel's house. I did sniff it, but I wasn't at the time you accused me of sniffing it. I sniffed it later.

Friday, January 03, 2003

Wow, I've had twenty hits in like the last three days, that's pretty good. I don't know why though, I've only written one post in like the last three weeks. I have lots of things I'd like to write about in this post, but I'm just too fucking lazy anymore.

Ok, New Year's Eve. I got really drunk. Really really drunk. The drunkest I've ever been. I had five shots of rum, and then a rum and coke made with about a shot and a half's worth of rum. I got so drunk everyone thought I had passed out, but actually I was awake and aware, I was just sitting there with my eyes closed because I was to drunk to talk, move, open my eyes, or respond to anything. I occasionally muttered drunkenly, but it was unintelligible and everyone thought I was talking in my sleep. I was like that for about two hours, from about 11:30 to about 1:30. That's right, I missed midnight. I was conscious, and knew when it happened, I was just too drunk to do anything about it. I was glad to enter a semi-vegetative state, because I was very depressed. I've been really depressed the last month or so anyway. Not having a girlfriend is bothering me more than usual, and I've been really depressed about it. Parties nearly always make me even more depressed than usual. Mainly because everyone is having a good time, and socially interacting, but I can't. I'm just not able to make myself do anything social. I can barely maintain the illusion of civility about myself, all I can do is be rude to people, and hateful, and anti-social. I'm not able to express my feelings in any way. And I can't say anything nice about anyone. Like the other night at work Alicia was talking about someone called her fat, and Crystal said something like "You're not fat, you're beautiful." And she was like "Isn't she, Kevin?" But I didn't answer, I couldn't. But my silence was a pretty good indication that at least I didn't find her ugly, because if I did think she was ugly, I would have probably said so.

Alicia isn't ugly. I don't know about beautiful, but she is pretty. See, even when I do manage a compliment, it still sounds like an insult.

Anyway, I was fully aware, but in a semi-comatose state. I heard people talking about me. At midnight I heard Alicia talking about giving me a New Years kiss on the cheek or something, but she didn't. To tell the truth, I was dissappointed that she didn't. It depressed me even more, because it made me feel even more like no one wanted me.

Tonight at work was pretty busy, but I still managed to get lots of goofing off in like usual. I spent the first half of the night staring at Crystal's ass every chance I got, which was a lot. Her pants just keep getting tighter all the time. She always wears skin-tight pants. I may not like Crystal anymore, but that doesn't mean I can't still lust after her. I spent the second half of the night pissing Crystal off. I made her so mad, she was furious, and kept talking about how she was going to kill me. She said she was going to kill me, and claim self-defense, say that I was trying to rape her. I said, "You wish." That really pissed her off. It was all especially funny because she was like "I've always hated you!" but the first half of the night all she was doing was saying she loved me and trying to get me to "admit" that I loved her too. She says she loves everyone. The first half of the night, when she still "loved" me, she said she was going to pee on me. She needed to pee really bad, but she had a lot of orders and couldn't. So she was complaining that she was gonna pee on herself, and I said that that would be really funny, and she said that it would be even funnier if she hiked her leg and just peed on me.

Ok, I'm gonna go watch the Rocky Horror Picture Show now. Alicia has got me obsessed with that movie now too. I bought the DVD yesterday, and I watched it yesterday, then I watched about half of it today before I went to work, and now I'm gonna go watch it again.