Strange Things are Afoot at the Circle K.

Thursday, October 10, 2002

I got this from the website of the smart, talented, and beautiful, Friday Jones.


WHY MAD SCIENTISTS
ARE BETTER THAN SCIENTISTS

Scientists: Work in clean, well-lit, aseptic lab 
Mad Scientists: Work in dank, gloomy, musty cellars and sometimes nifty castles

S: Must follow a dress code - slacks, tie, and a normal haircut
MS: Can wear black rubber and have waist-length hair, if they like

S: Personal idol - Madame Curie
MS: Personal Idol - Baron Frankenstein

S: Talk in calm, rational voices 
MS: Scream "It’s alive!  IT'S ALIVE!" while cackling maniacally

S: Often dependent on federal funding, requiring endless paperwork
MS: Fund their experiments by making and selling mutant babies

S: Throw parties where the biggest excitement is three kinds of appetizers 
MS: Throw parties where the biggest excitement is fighting the giant squid in the basement

S: All experiments must be approved by a board of their peers
MS: Can just experiment - no matter what, where, when, who or why (Don’t believe that they have any peers)

S: Drive small, conservative, boring cars
MS: Drive second-hand hearses or trucks that they can stash a spare body in - excellent for backseat make-out sessions

S: Must work under annoying fluorescent lighting
MS: Can work by torchlight - or candlelight

S: Keeps their romantic and professional lives strictly separate
MS: Tie their dates down on the slab and really go to town

S: Secretly yearn to be Mad Scientists
MS: Secretly yearn to rule the world with an army of radioactive gorillas
_____________

And also this:

How can you tell if that schoolbus in front of you is for retards or for normal kids?

If the bus is full of retards, they will be randomly thrashing about, banging their heads on the windows, displaying funny faces, and making rude and ludicrous noises.

If the bus is full of normal kids, they will be randomly thrashing about, banging their heads on the windows, displaying funny faces, making rude and ludicrous noises - AND holding signs up to the window that say "I WANT TO SUK YOUR COCK CALL ME ***-***-**** (phone number not listed to prevent harassment of a minor)" and prominently displaying the cell phone in the other hand.

The human female displaying this sign appeared to be about twelve; also, even if it wasn't retarded, it seemed to believe that I was a male human.
_____________

And this was not on her web page, but it's also by her:

"Curious George liked riding in the big shiny limousine! He looked at the
grassy knoll and saw a bright flash just before his brains exploded out of
his skull.

And Jackie ate of the brains, and they were good."